Good old East 17.. Yes I've been listening to Christmas music... In October... It's almost November.. Fuck it, it's acceptable to listen to chrismas music in November... right... Although saying that I'm not sure really how that song really relates to Christmas... it sort of is a bit compforting.. actually thats bollocks. Any how I was trying to cheer meself up listening to Christmas music although in actual fact its had the complete oppisite effect and as a bi polar sufferer I should know this. Most of the time I'm not talking to me family and I'm always single so basically the whole shinanagan of christmas being about love and joy is more about hate and tears! How depressing!
So enough of that!
Hmmm note to self... walking up North Street... yet again another trampy fast food place opened... my thoughts, Oh joys just what Brighton needs another fast food place... obesiety is on the up rise.... AGAIN!
Just a quicky...
So the life of Princess Elle... Fuck me where do I begin, I rarley sleep there's like virtually no time I'm so stupidly busy...
Well things with Tom I think I can safley say are over, he doesn't even bother replying to my facebook messages anymore. He even untagged himself from my pictures too WANKER! I wrote him, but I very much dobut he'll even bother reading it. So me thinkies I should delete him from facebook... infact maybe just block him and that way I shall no be tempted to "stalk" him.
Good plan... although I did really want him to see the recent pictures of me on facebook looking happy and fabulous... It may be fake but he doesn't know that. I don't want him to think I'm just sitting at home obsessing over him... I sort of am doing that but he doesn't need to know that. However something deep inside me is telling me that he doesn't actually give a flying fuck and clearly I'm a twat for thinking that a 16 year old boy could be anything but like Tom! WHAT A MUG... (me I mean)... actually he's a mug too but for other reasons..
So we have esablished (hopefully) by this point that I'm feeling just a tad low... I actually was thinking earlier about Tom and men in general and after sending a text to Terry (yes I know I'm an idiot please don't say anything) I realised that it probabaly isn't Tom, I mean yes to a certain extent it was, it was like I really fancied him, and when we was away he was like this totally understanding guy who seemed to say everything I needed to hear and was just genrally lovley and yes maybe I'm just a little bit nieve still but I thought he actually meant it... what a fool I was ... I should have learnt by now that guys aren't in it for the whole with me.
Its like guys who go, "I just ain't looking for a relationship right now" and then a month later they're in a relationship and it's like mate why don't you just grow some balls and say what you really mean "you just don't want a relationship with me". Thats really depressing. To know that despite all of what people say to me I know that I'll never get married and have babies like everyone else.
Sometimes I can deal with it and other times it makes me want to kill myself.. Especially when I see (acception of me mom for obvious reasons) every one else in my family is in a relationship... Jennets with Matt, Kats with Dan, Bex is with Iain, Jax is with Nick and Ollys with Kat.
Wow its going to be a long and lonley life... although if I continue to make meself ridiculosly busy then time'll go quicker and I won't notice so much that I'm alone.
See this ain't about Tom, this is about men and how every guy I attempt to get with I hold that tiny bit of hope thats basically thread bare now and I hope that maybe just maybe he'll like me and he won't dump me before the week is through...
Ok enoughs enough, I need to retire to Bedforshire, I got work tomo and a very busy week ahead as always!
Good night my lusious followers
Mucho love
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Saturday, 29 October 2011
Saturday, 22 October 2011
When all else fails... be fabulous...
One thing I've learnt over my years of being on this amazing plannet, when all else fails and you've lost control I do the one thing I know to take back some control and thats; look fucking fabulous no matter what. You could be dying (inside of out) but I tell you what if a total stranger can tell then that ain't a good thing.
Keep it hidden from the world, there's only a handful of people you can really truly trust on this plannet and thats a given!
So lets check in a bit with me...
Tom dumped me! Face bovared, does it look bovared! Lol ok I'll lose the attitude and the act a little bit. Course I care. I got used by a 16 year old boy! Surley I should know better by now? Apparently I'll never learn my lesson!
However the break down period has reduced immensly! I could almost say I'm over it... him.. OK perhaps not, but still doing things for me!
My knittings coming along quite nicley (I know I'm like 22 going on 82 but shhhhh) stops me drinking.
Me and "Mr across the Road" are back to normal again... well I think normal would be an understatment because we're both miles away from "normal" fuck being normal, normals for boring twats! Any how we're hanging out, talking, drinking tea... (I drink tea he smokes a joint.. thats pretty standered for us).
I'm not stalking anyone at the moment..
God lifes so boring when I ain't stalking anyone of got a "project" AKA a man!
However bought meself some lush new boots today just a little present for me, from me to show my appriciation towards myself!
Ohhh Robs getting me this amazing corset for Christmas oh my goshie its proper lushie, check out the sight, tis on fb (facebook for the weirdos out there that haven't quite worked out the abrieviation for it yet).
Can you belive christmas is only 64 days away fuccccccccck! Better crack on with making the presents.. this week should be good as no drama on wed or night school on tuesday result!
I've asked for soooo many nice things hope I get them... to be fair I've mainly asked for nail varnish and DVDS the only big things I've asked for is a lava lamp which these days are ... £10 on amazon and a cocktail set which is £20 (but that includes ice crusher) so hopefully me mummy will get me that and then me sisters and relatives can get me nail varnish and DVDs! I very much dobut me dad will get me anything this year. Stingie bastared that he is and seeing as he's still throwing a strop over the fact that I didn't send him a fathers day card or a birthday card whatever man. He's a shit dad! He wouldn't even lend me £3 for loo role when I was skint and had to drip cuz of lack of bog role and funds, ha for someone thats sitting on £50,000 thats pretty steep! Should just fucking rob him! The point I was making is if he won't help me out why should I use the very small amount of money that I do get on buying him a card and a stamp to say happy fucking birthday and fathers day ... DEAR DAD CONGRATULATIONS ON BEING THE SHITTEST DAD... EVER... LOVE YOU! I mean do behave!!
Hey my step dad might give me some doe... I can hope any how lol.
I swear down before the year ends I will get my tattoo done and my 3rd and 4th holes in my ear done God damn it I always have to wait too fucking long...
A little glimpse of Tom just came into me head then.
Christmas time, he's going to be all alone banged up and I'll be with my amazing sis, her man, me nephew and me mother but as I bring up a lot we all know that feeling of being surrounded by people but yet feeling so alone thats what I'll be like on christmas day, I'll probabally be sitting and wondering about him too.
od he's so young! I wish he could see how much potential he has! It makes me so angry the whole situation! He's so smart, he's a propa little man but because of things he just can't see it and his lifes already over before its begun, this is just the begining he'll be in and out of prison now forever undobutedly and end up like poor old Sean who will never become clean (off the gear) or Diesel may he R.I.P! Do you know how shit it is to know whats going to happen before it has and to know full well there's nothing you can do to change it. It's so frustrating!
Any how I've got to focus on me...
God a bollocking a college the other day...
Keep it hidden from the world, there's only a handful of people you can really truly trust on this plannet and thats a given!
So lets check in a bit with me...
Tom dumped me! Face bovared, does it look bovared! Lol ok I'll lose the attitude and the act a little bit. Course I care. I got used by a 16 year old boy! Surley I should know better by now? Apparently I'll never learn my lesson!
However the break down period has reduced immensly! I could almost say I'm over it... him.. OK perhaps not, but still doing things for me!
My knittings coming along quite nicley (I know I'm like 22 going on 82 but shhhhh) stops me drinking.
Me and "Mr across the Road" are back to normal again... well I think normal would be an understatment because we're both miles away from "normal" fuck being normal, normals for boring twats! Any how we're hanging out, talking, drinking tea... (I drink tea he smokes a joint.. thats pretty standered for us).
I'm not stalking anyone at the moment..
God lifes so boring when I ain't stalking anyone of got a "project" AKA a man!
However bought meself some lush new boots today just a little present for me, from me to show my appriciation towards myself!
Ohhh Robs getting me this amazing corset for Christmas oh my goshie its proper lushie, check out the sight, tis on fb (facebook for the weirdos out there that haven't quite worked out the abrieviation for it yet).
Can you belive christmas is only 64 days away fuccccccccck! Better crack on with making the presents.. this week should be good as no drama on wed or night school on tuesday result!
I've asked for soooo many nice things hope I get them... to be fair I've mainly asked for nail varnish and DVDS the only big things I've asked for is a lava lamp which these days are ... £10 on amazon and a cocktail set which is £20 (but that includes ice crusher) so hopefully me mummy will get me that and then me sisters and relatives can get me nail varnish and DVDs! I very much dobut me dad will get me anything this year. Stingie bastared that he is and seeing as he's still throwing a strop over the fact that I didn't send him a fathers day card or a birthday card whatever man. He's a shit dad! He wouldn't even lend me £3 for loo role when I was skint and had to drip cuz of lack of bog role and funds, ha for someone thats sitting on £50,000 thats pretty steep! Should just fucking rob him! The point I was making is if he won't help me out why should I use the very small amount of money that I do get on buying him a card and a stamp to say happy fucking birthday and fathers day ... DEAR DAD CONGRATULATIONS ON BEING THE SHITTEST DAD... EVER... LOVE YOU! I mean do behave!!
Hey my step dad might give me some doe... I can hope any how lol.
I swear down before the year ends I will get my tattoo done and my 3rd and 4th holes in my ear done God damn it I always have to wait too fucking long...
A little glimpse of Tom just came into me head then.
Christmas time, he's going to be all alone banged up and I'll be with my amazing sis, her man, me nephew and me mother but as I bring up a lot we all know that feeling of being surrounded by people but yet feeling so alone thats what I'll be like on christmas day, I'll probabally be sitting and wondering about him too.
od he's so young! I wish he could see how much potential he has! It makes me so angry the whole situation! He's so smart, he's a propa little man but because of things he just can't see it and his lifes already over before its begun, this is just the begining he'll be in and out of prison now forever undobutedly and end up like poor old Sean who will never become clean (off the gear) or Diesel may he R.I.P! Do you know how shit it is to know whats going to happen before it has and to know full well there's nothing you can do to change it. It's so frustrating!
Any how I've got to focus on me...
God a bollocking a college the other day...
- Inappopriate clothing ... skirts too short.. interesting isn't it how its only woman that critisise this ...
- Talking about sex too much. Exscuse me I'm giving these kids a sex education lesson that'll they'll never forget and take with them for ever, and to be fair one day it'll probabally benefit them.
- talking about me problemos ... OK so maybe that one is a fair point!
- I actually got sent to counselling.
Ohhhhhhh if I've been a naughty girl turn me over and spank me and it'll probablly turn me on ha ha cuz I'm a dirty ho ;) ha ha love it!
I actually think the counsellor needed to see someone after seeing me, after I told her about all the trauma I'd been thru she looked pretty traumitised herself... thank God its only 9 days till I see Dr doo dee dah phyciatrist dude who hopefuly will be the answer to my prayers.... thats ironic seeing as I don't pray but you get me..
so what else is going on in the life of Princess Elle... well fuck knows! I can't belive its only 9.10pm it feels so much later.. me thinking should go out ... afterall tis saturday... I need some new blood... hmmmmmmmm PROJECT...
peace out
love ya xxxxxxx
Sunday, 16 October 2011
OVERDRIVE, WORST WEEK OF MY LIFE AND REMEMBERING WHO I AM!
Before I start I would just like to point out I have PMT from hell, I haven't slept basically for 7 days now, I'm having Tom withdrawal symptons (I'll explain who Tom is throughout) and my diet is 100% fucked up and I ain't seen swimming in like 2 weeks FUCKKKKKKKKKK! So if I seem more angry than usual well... thats why OK!
I just want to start by saying my family drive me nuts and I swear me mom always knows when I'm up to know good... I.e drinking and sneaking boys home! What the fuck how old am I? 16 again, I mean fuck off I'm 22 years old for crying out loud.
Whatevers we'll come to that in a bit...
So I've been away with college to Dartmoore in Devon and yes it was the worst week of my life! Staying in basically a squat, where there are spider webs every where, wood worm, ucompfy beds, toilets outside the bedrooms (yes you actually had to walk outside to get to the loo at 3am). Baring in mind that I am a princess and I'm used to my double outhapedic matrouse, electric blanket with all my princess dresses and high heels. I don't exactly think hiking around for a week is particulary up my street. Especially with a bunch of teenagers who can't cook or clean apparently (hmm maybe thats a bit unfair there was the bare minumum) still totally fucked me off!!
I'm pretty sure majority of the people I went away with arn't talking to me, but hey I didn't sign up for friendship, I signed up for the course!
I had a manic episode on thursday and friday. Not good, I attempted to slash up my wrists with a blunt knife (this wasn't intentional, there were no sharp knives) however the knife draw got hidden any how!
I also tried to OD.
Don't ask its bipolar, no control over it what so ever :-(.
I did however absail off a 100 foot bridge and swim in a freezing cold lake and climb a lot of very dangourous rocks, not to mention walking about a 20 million mile hike... Ok so I'm exaderating, but it wouldn't be me if I didn't!
So how would I bring in Tom into all of this without you all falling off ya chairs...
Fuck that those of you who know me should be shocked by nothing I say or do so here goes..
Tom is a 16 year old boy who goes to college with me and I slept in the same bed as him monday, tuesday and wednesday... what can I say I'm a horney bitch who just got my HIV/syphalis results back NEGATIVE!! RESULT!! No I didn't shag him, we kissed and touched though... I was good actually I didn't even let him finger me!
However I did get drunk friday... and saturday (yes I know not very good recovering alcoholic) but after my week I more than earnt it.
So sneaked Tom back to mine last night and shagged him!
He is so fucking sexy and young, is that really wrong? He don't look or act 16 so whatever! Besides he's shagged woman older than me before so whatever! OK I am really trying to justify the fact that I shagged a 16 year old boy today and yesterday... I can't help it he is propa lush!
We're meant to be together but he's 16 and I'm a mess so we'll see how long that lasts...
God its so frustrating, plus he's going inside on 15th December so won't get to see him for 6 months. Bless him though he ain't had the easiest of lives and he's so young, you know what that means ;-) I can mould him, when guys get to their 20's they're beyond "fixing" but Tom has so much potential and my God he's so sexy, he's like 6 foot, stunning blue eyes, amazing body, lucious smile and well fit bum ;-)!!!
I promise I'm not a perv... OK maybe just a bit.
So as the last line for todays title just because currently seeing Tom does not mean I should forget meself, as in still stick to everything I need to do and me mates ALWAYS come 1st no matter what!
You know now that I'm back I feel a lot better and I have a good feeling about 2012! Afterall this year ain't been too bad. I've only shagged Luke, Mike, Terry, Marc and Tom this year. Up to 37 now! Fuck actually 5 ain't really that good.
Fuck it the only person that has the right to judge me is me!
I'm living my life now no one elses.
On that note I must now go as always working to a tight schedule, must have a bath, exfoliate, shave me legs, chose me outfit for tomo, paint me nails and well thats enough, its already 9pm, I intend to be in bed before midnight tonight!
Peace out
love ya
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I just want to start by saying my family drive me nuts and I swear me mom always knows when I'm up to know good... I.e drinking and sneaking boys home! What the fuck how old am I? 16 again, I mean fuck off I'm 22 years old for crying out loud.
Whatevers we'll come to that in a bit...
So I've been away with college to Dartmoore in Devon and yes it was the worst week of my life! Staying in basically a squat, where there are spider webs every where, wood worm, ucompfy beds, toilets outside the bedrooms (yes you actually had to walk outside to get to the loo at 3am). Baring in mind that I am a princess and I'm used to my double outhapedic matrouse, electric blanket with all my princess dresses and high heels. I don't exactly think hiking around for a week is particulary up my street. Especially with a bunch of teenagers who can't cook or clean apparently (hmm maybe thats a bit unfair there was the bare minumum) still totally fucked me off!!
I'm pretty sure majority of the people I went away with arn't talking to me, but hey I didn't sign up for friendship, I signed up for the course!
I had a manic episode on thursday and friday. Not good, I attempted to slash up my wrists with a blunt knife (this wasn't intentional, there were no sharp knives) however the knife draw got hidden any how!
I also tried to OD.
Don't ask its bipolar, no control over it what so ever :-(.
I did however absail off a 100 foot bridge and swim in a freezing cold lake and climb a lot of very dangourous rocks, not to mention walking about a 20 million mile hike... Ok so I'm exaderating, but it wouldn't be me if I didn't!
So how would I bring in Tom into all of this without you all falling off ya chairs...
Fuck that those of you who know me should be shocked by nothing I say or do so here goes..
Tom is a 16 year old boy who goes to college with me and I slept in the same bed as him monday, tuesday and wednesday... what can I say I'm a horney bitch who just got my HIV/syphalis results back NEGATIVE!! RESULT!! No I didn't shag him, we kissed and touched though... I was good actually I didn't even let him finger me!
However I did get drunk friday... and saturday (yes I know not very good recovering alcoholic) but after my week I more than earnt it.
So sneaked Tom back to mine last night and shagged him!
He is so fucking sexy and young, is that really wrong? He don't look or act 16 so whatever! Besides he's shagged woman older than me before so whatever! OK I am really trying to justify the fact that I shagged a 16 year old boy today and yesterday... I can't help it he is propa lush!
We're meant to be together but he's 16 and I'm a mess so we'll see how long that lasts...
God its so frustrating, plus he's going inside on 15th December so won't get to see him for 6 months. Bless him though he ain't had the easiest of lives and he's so young, you know what that means ;-) I can mould him, when guys get to their 20's they're beyond "fixing" but Tom has so much potential and my God he's so sexy, he's like 6 foot, stunning blue eyes, amazing body, lucious smile and well fit bum ;-)!!!
I promise I'm not a perv... OK maybe just a bit.
So as the last line for todays title just because currently seeing Tom does not mean I should forget meself, as in still stick to everything I need to do and me mates ALWAYS come 1st no matter what!
You know now that I'm back I feel a lot better and I have a good feeling about 2012! Afterall this year ain't been too bad. I've only shagged Luke, Mike, Terry, Marc and Tom this year. Up to 37 now! Fuck actually 5 ain't really that good.
Fuck it the only person that has the right to judge me is me!
I'm living my life now no one elses.
On that note I must now go as always working to a tight schedule, must have a bath, exfoliate, shave me legs, chose me outfit for tomo, paint me nails and well thats enough, its already 9pm, I intend to be in bed before midnight tonight!
Peace out
love ya
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Wednesday, 28 September 2011
... So thanks for making me fighter...
Yeah yeah we all know the song... Fighter by Christina Aguilera... If you haven't you must be very strange...
So its been a couple weeks now and your probabally wondering whats been going on so I'm going to be incredably optimistic here just to piss you all off .. (kidding). Optimism doesn't run through my blood too often so when it does I feel the need to express it. Call me arrogent all you like but I've been through hell and back so feeling a little bit hopeful is something I would like to big up as much as possible whilst it lasts. I may be a tad bitchy too, but a little bit of bitchiness is definitly necessery!
So I have been a "busy bee" as Paul (me mate up London) likes to call me (no I'm not shagging him)! Member I'm an ex hooker!
I finally finished knitting my phone case its fabulous! (laugh all you like) least I got something to show for my time besides a hangover and a hole in my purse!
I finally got "Mr across the Rd" who I still call to this day because he still hasn't told me what he wants me to call him, so for now we'll stick with "Mr across the Rd".
Yeah so you know that sort of feeling when you obsess over someone for a really long time because you ain't got the balls to actually go and talk to them and you fantasise and day dream about them like all the time, and you sort of end up creating exactly that A FANTASY! Doesn't exist darlings. He's one of the biggest pricks I've met so far (admitidly I'll give him that he's a good kisser) only because I'm about to knock his "pride." (as we all know "pride" to man means his cock). Please am I being ignorant here but will someone please tell me what men mean when they say they have a cock? Because the last ... every man infact thats told me they've got a big cock (and this is me guessing about 8 inches +) ... of course unless 3 inches is the average these days in which case then wow 5 is huge...
Seriously though when are guys going to realise I couldn't give a flying fuck in hell how big their cock is, I'm not dating their cock I want to date their mind. In actualfact I hate big cocks anyhow. I mean for crying out loud us girls don't go round shouting about how big are flipping vaginas are... I mean you'd think...
Also may I just add if any man (the type that would brag about the size of cock, cuz this isn't all men, this is a type of man). who actually had any idea of how to please a woman should know that the G-spot is roughly 2.5 inches up into the vagina on the front wall and therefore an 8 inch cock is just a waste of blood and the clits best stimulated with the tounge.
If one more guy mentions about how he's going to "ruin" me during sex, do yourself a favour and don't bother, full of shit mate!
So "Mr across the road" was a bit of a disapointment, but hey I completed the challenge, 3 months without sex so finally i can get my last and final test HALLILUIA!
So I am now at college woop woop its amazing, my self esteem I feel has already imensley improved in just over the 3 days I've been attending. I've bonded well with a few of the girls and guys they're all really supportive and unjudgmental which is a huge relief!
Started my beauty course too, its very intense but you know what I'm going to stick with it and tudy really hard, jesus I've waited long enough.
So any of my trusty followers fancy free facials etc whilst I do each module inbox me on fb and we can work something out ;-)
Ooooooooh was in me show too on sunday was shattered but was all good shit, check out pics on the link. http://www.flickr.com/caporushes/sets/72157627766818112/show/
On that note I may actually fall sleep typing so shall being going to the land of nod however shall try to be less lame and update more often!
Mucho lovos darlin'g reliable followers
I have much care for you
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
So its been a couple weeks now and your probabally wondering whats been going on so I'm going to be incredably optimistic here just to piss you all off .. (kidding). Optimism doesn't run through my blood too often so when it does I feel the need to express it. Call me arrogent all you like but I've been through hell and back so feeling a little bit hopeful is something I would like to big up as much as possible whilst it lasts. I may be a tad bitchy too, but a little bit of bitchiness is definitly necessery!
So I have been a "busy bee" as Paul (me mate up London) likes to call me (no I'm not shagging him)! Member I'm an ex hooker!
I finally finished knitting my phone case its fabulous! (laugh all you like) least I got something to show for my time besides a hangover and a hole in my purse!
I finally got "Mr across the Rd" who I still call to this day because he still hasn't told me what he wants me to call him, so for now we'll stick with "Mr across the Rd".
Yeah so you know that sort of feeling when you obsess over someone for a really long time because you ain't got the balls to actually go and talk to them and you fantasise and day dream about them like all the time, and you sort of end up creating exactly that A FANTASY! Doesn't exist darlings. He's one of the biggest pricks I've met so far (admitidly I'll give him that he's a good kisser) only because I'm about to knock his "pride." (as we all know "pride" to man means his cock). Please am I being ignorant here but will someone please tell me what men mean when they say they have a cock? Because the last ... every man infact thats told me they've got a big cock (and this is me guessing about 8 inches +) ... of course unless 3 inches is the average these days in which case then wow 5 is huge...
Seriously though when are guys going to realise I couldn't give a flying fuck in hell how big their cock is, I'm not dating their cock I want to date their mind. In actualfact I hate big cocks anyhow. I mean for crying out loud us girls don't go round shouting about how big are flipping vaginas are... I mean you'd think...
Also may I just add if any man (the type that would brag about the size of cock, cuz this isn't all men, this is a type of man). who actually had any idea of how to please a woman should know that the G-spot is roughly 2.5 inches up into the vagina on the front wall and therefore an 8 inch cock is just a waste of blood and the clits best stimulated with the tounge.
If one more guy mentions about how he's going to "ruin" me during sex, do yourself a favour and don't bother, full of shit mate!
So "Mr across the road" was a bit of a disapointment, but hey I completed the challenge, 3 months without sex so finally i can get my last and final test HALLILUIA!
So I am now at college woop woop its amazing, my self esteem I feel has already imensley improved in just over the 3 days I've been attending. I've bonded well with a few of the girls and guys they're all really supportive and unjudgmental which is a huge relief!
Started my beauty course too, its very intense but you know what I'm going to stick with it and tudy really hard, jesus I've waited long enough.
So any of my trusty followers fancy free facials etc whilst I do each module inbox me on fb and we can work something out ;-)
Ooooooooh was in me show too on sunday was shattered but was all good shit, check out pics on the link. http://www.flickr.com/caporushes/sets/72157627766818112/show/
On that note I may actually fall sleep typing so shall being going to the land of nod however shall try to be less lame and update more often!
Mucho lovos darlin'g reliable followers
I have much care for you
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sunday, 11 September 2011
Ain' that just the way life goes down, down, down, down, moving way too fast or much too slow
Thats sort of how I am ya know, I'm either rushing about on a manic high, or slumping around and doing everything thing really slow.
Man my life sucks!!
I wish good things last but they don't!
The majority of my problems revolve around money and men!
I live off virtually nothing and now the buses have gone up from £55 to £62 thats £7! This is a fucking joke, I swear I don't even know what I'm paying for, to stand around in the cold for near enough at least half hour everytime I wait for a bus. I'm on the serious case to complain to a lot of authority people right now, God fucking damn it!
I can't even aford to buy the material to make peoples christmas presents this year!
I'm in desperate need of one of those light boxes for SAD cuz autumns only just started and already I'm suffereing from severe lack of vitimin D but unfortunatly they cost between £50-£100!
Why does everything cost so much fucking money! It's a joke.
So I think I'm down to my last straw after attempting to ask people to you know maybe ... give me £50 so I can buy all my bits to make everyone christmas prezzies and being rejected I conclude I have two options left the 1st being
commit suicide (and I'm really sorry if you read this and think a) I'm being a drama queen/attention seeker, b) thats a really selfish thing to put up for people to read). However my argument is this is my blog and I don't sugar coat things and I write the truth of how I feel and as I always say, you are reading it at your own risk!
and how the other option is becoming a theif... Ok lets say "borrowing" theif doesn't sound too good. So I like borrow things from say Tescos for example (come on it isn't like they can't afford it). I just happen to forget to return it!
Although relistically neither of those options are a good idea really are they.
So here I am stuck back at square one, misurable, depressed and skint, without ciggerettes, alcohol or sex! Fabulous! I mean what was so bad about being a chain smoker, an alcoholic and the best sex life in Brighton, fuck getting called a whore it solved my money problems. If I was having sex I wasn't sitting round depressed about money and thinking about where the next meals going to come from! I feel as though I may fall off the wagon soon with the booze, yay or nay?
So I saw Barney today, you all know Barney right? Some prick that stole my virginity ... actually I gave it up pretty williningly to be fair to him. But I was maybe not in love with him but besotted with him! He's still as gawjuss as ever, fuck him. Blonde hair, blue eyes, smooth tanned skin ugh I officially hate him for still being able to make me catch me breath 6 years down the line! His now fiance of 5 years is really not very attractive and overweight, can I just say at this point I am not delibratly a bitch, but he broke my fucking heart and so why could he be with her not me? I know I'm not exactly little miss stunning but I thought I'd grown into my looks (or maybe I've just grown out of them, God knows). Any how so if it isn't my looks then it must be my personality and I kind of think thats worse! I know i'm mentally ill, but would it be really bad if I started stalking him in attempt to win him back... I know where he lives!
This stalking business is getting a little out of hand me thinks. I mean I stalked him for a year before I even had the bleeding balls to ask for his number and I think I need to seriously give up stalking "mr across the Rd". Oh jesus and then I started stalking this new guy Wakan- I have no idea jhow to pronounce this, he's 22, born in Pakestan but living in london and thinking of moving to Brighton (round the corner from me mums-conveniently) has a car too (although its green, not good). Whatever he's an idiot because he took my digits and hasn't rung or added me on fb! (yes he did ask me for me fb name)! I really hate guys taking me number, I'd much rather take there's cuz as you all know I'm a total control freak and I like to be able to contact them if I want or keep them hanging on if I want, but now he has all the control and I have none GOD DAMN IT!
Fuck it I refuse to get silly over boys- I AM NOT 15 ANYMORE!
Jesus I'm really struggling with the whole Diesel situation, everytime I kind of think I'm OK with it something reminds me of something he said or did or wore or whatever and it all comes rushing back!
For fuck sake when will I be at ease with his suicide!
Not a good subject to bring up at night thats me having night mares all night BRILLIANT! Although it is September 11th so I guess it would be inevatable anyhow.
OK thats it I'm going to job centre tomo to demand they give me more money CUNTS blurghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
I'm sure theres more to write, like Terrys a prick, and my dads a wanker, but hey guess you already knew that if you are a regular follower!
I'm going to go pass out I'm beyond tired need sleepppppppppppppppppppppp
Peace out lovers
love , love , love
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Man my life sucks!!
I wish good things last but they don't!
The majority of my problems revolve around money and men!
I live off virtually nothing and now the buses have gone up from £55 to £62 thats £7! This is a fucking joke, I swear I don't even know what I'm paying for, to stand around in the cold for near enough at least half hour everytime I wait for a bus. I'm on the serious case to complain to a lot of authority people right now, God fucking damn it!
I can't even aford to buy the material to make peoples christmas presents this year!
I'm in desperate need of one of those light boxes for SAD cuz autumns only just started and already I'm suffereing from severe lack of vitimin D but unfortunatly they cost between £50-£100!
Why does everything cost so much fucking money! It's a joke.
So I think I'm down to my last straw after attempting to ask people to you know maybe ... give me £50 so I can buy all my bits to make everyone christmas prezzies and being rejected I conclude I have two options left the 1st being
commit suicide (and I'm really sorry if you read this and think a) I'm being a drama queen/attention seeker, b) thats a really selfish thing to put up for people to read). However my argument is this is my blog and I don't sugar coat things and I write the truth of how I feel and as I always say, you are reading it at your own risk!
and how the other option is becoming a theif... Ok lets say "borrowing" theif doesn't sound too good. So I like borrow things from say Tescos for example (come on it isn't like they can't afford it). I just happen to forget to return it!
Although relistically neither of those options are a good idea really are they.
So here I am stuck back at square one, misurable, depressed and skint, without ciggerettes, alcohol or sex! Fabulous! I mean what was so bad about being a chain smoker, an alcoholic and the best sex life in Brighton, fuck getting called a whore it solved my money problems. If I was having sex I wasn't sitting round depressed about money and thinking about where the next meals going to come from! I feel as though I may fall off the wagon soon with the booze, yay or nay?
So I saw Barney today, you all know Barney right? Some prick that stole my virginity ... actually I gave it up pretty williningly to be fair to him. But I was maybe not in love with him but besotted with him! He's still as gawjuss as ever, fuck him. Blonde hair, blue eyes, smooth tanned skin ugh I officially hate him for still being able to make me catch me breath 6 years down the line! His now fiance of 5 years is really not very attractive and overweight, can I just say at this point I am not delibratly a bitch, but he broke my fucking heart and so why could he be with her not me? I know I'm not exactly little miss stunning but I thought I'd grown into my looks (or maybe I've just grown out of them, God knows). Any how so if it isn't my looks then it must be my personality and I kind of think thats worse! I know i'm mentally ill, but would it be really bad if I started stalking him in attempt to win him back... I know where he lives!
This stalking business is getting a little out of hand me thinks. I mean I stalked him for a year before I even had the bleeding balls to ask for his number and I think I need to seriously give up stalking "mr across the Rd". Oh jesus and then I started stalking this new guy Wakan- I have no idea jhow to pronounce this, he's 22, born in Pakestan but living in london and thinking of moving to Brighton (round the corner from me mums-conveniently) has a car too (although its green, not good). Whatever he's an idiot because he took my digits and hasn't rung or added me on fb! (yes he did ask me for me fb name)! I really hate guys taking me number, I'd much rather take there's cuz as you all know I'm a total control freak and I like to be able to contact them if I want or keep them hanging on if I want, but now he has all the control and I have none GOD DAMN IT!
Fuck it I refuse to get silly over boys- I AM NOT 15 ANYMORE!
Jesus I'm really struggling with the whole Diesel situation, everytime I kind of think I'm OK with it something reminds me of something he said or did or wore or whatever and it all comes rushing back!
For fuck sake when will I be at ease with his suicide!
Not a good subject to bring up at night thats me having night mares all night BRILLIANT! Although it is September 11th so I guess it would be inevatable anyhow.
OK thats it I'm going to job centre tomo to demand they give me more money CUNTS blurghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
I'm sure theres more to write, like Terrys a prick, and my dads a wanker, but hey guess you already knew that if you are a regular follower!
I'm going to go pass out I'm beyond tired need sleepppppppppppppppppppppp
Peace out lovers
love , love , love
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sunday, 4 September 2011
If you wanna be my lover you gotta get with ma friends, make it last forever friendship never ends ...
Oh my Goshie the spice gals rawwwwwwwwwwwwwk!!!
I'm not doing a very good job at my updates am I recently, terrible. I do apoligise, I've been ridiculosly busy!
So current mood, would be somewhere between frustrated and annoyed! I am frustrated because I have recently developed a crush for "mr across the road" and my Goshie he is hottie ;-) infact we actually had our first conversation the other day he called across the road "you alright" and I was like "yeah am fine thanks you"? and he was like "yeah all good"! This is a big step for me. Although after going out with the girls today (Andrea, Dani and Kate) I've made the decision to leave my number that I give to boys (as in not the number I use for long term people ie mates and family) and leave it on his windscreen wiper of his car. Accept there is one tiny problem... actually a great big fucking fat juicy one! He's not in... well at least his cars not there and his bedroom light isn't on and there's no chance he would be asleep now! I've been watching the house since 8pm! (Oh jesus I'm begining to sound like a bit of a phyco).
Look he lives oppisite OK I am NOT stalking ... I promise... Ok maybe just a little.. heehee.
Anyhow back to the point thats why I'm frustrated. I thought if I just leave my number and a kiss that way if he rings I can't answer cuz my other phone only works for texting and he'll just get o2 voicemail, as opposed to my increadably embarassing one about being a fucking princess (even though, lets face it I am... a princess that is) (not a fucking one.. I'm celibate STILL and jesus don't I just know it)!!! anyhow going off on abit of a tangent as always so I was going to wait for him to text me and ask if he's single and if he says no I won't text him again and he'll never even no it was me mwahahahahahaha! This would all be a hell of a lot simpler if I knew his fucking name, I could find him on fb. Or I dunno if I knew one of his mates names I could find him through that arghhhhhhhhhh!! So anyhows gotta do it the hard way...
I'm annoyed because my dad is an official wanker! Guess I sort of knew that anyhow. 3 months he ain't rung me and so I started thinking probabaly should get in touch, coming up for christmas and all that and my step mums obviously pissed off with me cuz she passed me straight over to my dad. Not sure what I'm meant to have done but hey she does like to hold grudges even worse than me... although it would be nice if I knew what I had done wrong. I know I ain't rung in a while but jesus they never rung me neither and I was the one that was homeless!
Anyhows so my dad clearly reluctently talked to me and I kind of wish I hadn't bothered... I won't in future, Jesus its really not worth the hassel just for about £30 worth of christmas presents. I don't have to prove nout to him, or her for that matter or anyone. Anyways so told me dad about college and stuff and all the things I'd been doing but got fuck all support and enthusiasm and now I remember why I stopped ringing in the 1st place. Fuck it, would have been so much easier if he just left when I was 4 and that was it, he's mad e it so much worse coming in and out of my life for 18 years, I wish I never knew him, it would have made it easier, I could have hated him that way. Instead I just resent him, I don't know whats worse!
Men aye MEH!
Rant over. There is a little bit more shit stuff and then I fill you with the good news... Well I had my wanking wisdom tooth number 2 out and I was completly off my face it was quite amusing.. until it wore off and I was in agony, never the less I'm gradually healing..
My sister (becca) can really be like the nasiset bitch ever sometimes, although she's away until tomo so making the most of lack of bossiness and the TV not being dominated, or the fact that she goes out of her way to get in the shower before me when she knows I've got to be somewhere by a ceratin time.
Emma (as in my supposed best mate) decided that I am a bitch because apparently I never support her even though it was always me going to see her and she always cancelled on me so not sure how I was meant to support her but anyhow its been weeks now, so she'll probabaly just go get married and have a bunch of kids but whatever her life not mine!
So on the plus side, I don't have any STD's so now just have one last HIV test left to have in a couple weeks and I'm all clear!
I haven't had a ciggerette or an alcoholic drink for months, and I am also still celibate...
I got onto my beauty therapy course at Lewes college, I got onto the princes Trsut team programme, I've taken up knitting, I'm still doing me voluntry work at Newhaven Fort, I've joined a drama group too :-D.
All optimistic things..
And I've joined a bi polar support group (1st thursday of every month). Its so good to not feel alone with me illness any more. Get this too I finally after 9 years have an appointment with a consultant phyciatrist HALLILULA!!!!!!
I finally might get a real diagnosis.
Good shit and I went to Princess Andrea's Oasis party friday night and won £50 gift vouchers to spend at Oasis wooop wooop :D and the lovley Dani gave me her free gift which was this totally wicked bracelet.
Man I love me mates!
xx mwah xx
Now heading off to write my christmas list so I can send it to Santa, mmm santa I've been a very good gal this year ;-) oh and got serious boy stalking to do!
Peace out me faithful followers!
love love love
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I'm not doing a very good job at my updates am I recently, terrible. I do apoligise, I've been ridiculosly busy!
So current mood, would be somewhere between frustrated and annoyed! I am frustrated because I have recently developed a crush for "mr across the road" and my Goshie he is hottie ;-) infact we actually had our first conversation the other day he called across the road "you alright" and I was like "yeah am fine thanks you"? and he was like "yeah all good"! This is a big step for me. Although after going out with the girls today (Andrea, Dani and Kate) I've made the decision to leave my number that I give to boys (as in not the number I use for long term people ie mates and family) and leave it on his windscreen wiper of his car. Accept there is one tiny problem... actually a great big fucking fat juicy one! He's not in... well at least his cars not there and his bedroom light isn't on and there's no chance he would be asleep now! I've been watching the house since 8pm! (Oh jesus I'm begining to sound like a bit of a phyco).
Look he lives oppisite OK I am NOT stalking ... I promise... Ok maybe just a little.. heehee.
Anyhow back to the point thats why I'm frustrated. I thought if I just leave my number and a kiss that way if he rings I can't answer cuz my other phone only works for texting and he'll just get o2 voicemail, as opposed to my increadably embarassing one about being a fucking princess (even though, lets face it I am... a princess that is) (not a fucking one.. I'm celibate STILL and jesus don't I just know it)!!! anyhow going off on abit of a tangent as always so I was going to wait for him to text me and ask if he's single and if he says no I won't text him again and he'll never even no it was me mwahahahahahaha! This would all be a hell of a lot simpler if I knew his fucking name, I could find him on fb. Or I dunno if I knew one of his mates names I could find him through that arghhhhhhhhhh!! So anyhows gotta do it the hard way...
I'm annoyed because my dad is an official wanker! Guess I sort of knew that anyhow. 3 months he ain't rung me and so I started thinking probabaly should get in touch, coming up for christmas and all that and my step mums obviously pissed off with me cuz she passed me straight over to my dad. Not sure what I'm meant to have done but hey she does like to hold grudges even worse than me... although it would be nice if I knew what I had done wrong. I know I ain't rung in a while but jesus they never rung me neither and I was the one that was homeless!
Anyhows so my dad clearly reluctently talked to me and I kind of wish I hadn't bothered... I won't in future, Jesus its really not worth the hassel just for about £30 worth of christmas presents. I don't have to prove nout to him, or her for that matter or anyone. Anyways so told me dad about college and stuff and all the things I'd been doing but got fuck all support and enthusiasm and now I remember why I stopped ringing in the 1st place. Fuck it, would have been so much easier if he just left when I was 4 and that was it, he's mad e it so much worse coming in and out of my life for 18 years, I wish I never knew him, it would have made it easier, I could have hated him that way. Instead I just resent him, I don't know whats worse!
Men aye MEH!
Rant over. There is a little bit more shit stuff and then I fill you with the good news... Well I had my wanking wisdom tooth number 2 out and I was completly off my face it was quite amusing.. until it wore off and I was in agony, never the less I'm gradually healing..
My sister (becca) can really be like the nasiset bitch ever sometimes, although she's away until tomo so making the most of lack of bossiness and the TV not being dominated, or the fact that she goes out of her way to get in the shower before me when she knows I've got to be somewhere by a ceratin time.
Emma (as in my supposed best mate) decided that I am a bitch because apparently I never support her even though it was always me going to see her and she always cancelled on me so not sure how I was meant to support her but anyhow its been weeks now, so she'll probabaly just go get married and have a bunch of kids but whatever her life not mine!
So on the plus side, I don't have any STD's so now just have one last HIV test left to have in a couple weeks and I'm all clear!
I haven't had a ciggerette or an alcoholic drink for months, and I am also still celibate...
I got onto my beauty therapy course at Lewes college, I got onto the princes Trsut team programme, I've taken up knitting, I'm still doing me voluntry work at Newhaven Fort, I've joined a drama group too :-D.
All optimistic things..
And I've joined a bi polar support group (1st thursday of every month). Its so good to not feel alone with me illness any more. Get this too I finally after 9 years have an appointment with a consultant phyciatrist HALLILULA!!!!!!
I finally might get a real diagnosis.
Good shit and I went to Princess Andrea's Oasis party friday night and won £50 gift vouchers to spend at Oasis wooop wooop :D and the lovley Dani gave me her free gift which was this totally wicked bracelet.
Man I love me mates!
xx mwah xx
Now heading off to write my christmas list so I can send it to Santa, mmm santa I've been a very good gal this year ;-) oh and got serious boy stalking to do!
Peace out me faithful followers!
love love love
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sunday, 21 August 2011
good bye 20 something guys.. hello 30 something guys...
It wasn't until I was on the phone today that I remembered how I've been going oh so wrong when it comes to men! Obviously not everythings black and white (its fucking grey) however all in all it all comes down to one thing... AGE!!!
So there we have it I stupidly went from dating guys in their 30s and occasionally even 40's to then giving guys in their 20s ago and it's crazy how different the conversation flows.
For example if I was trying to talk to a guy in their 20's about my anxietys and problems etc I just get this completly bullshit response. Spmething like "snap out of it" or "oh well I don't care its not me thats upset you" or even "I'm not really interested in hearing about this". Ever noticed how they're happy to go on and on and on about crap that we're not really interested in but yet expect us to listen and if we don't they "go into their cave".
So no more men in their 20's its a no go area! Look I've had Chris, Terry, Craig, Beau, Luke, Ian, etc and apart from all being pricks they all had one thing in common, men in their 20's!!!
Now as you know I try not to genralize but all in all men in their 30's tend to be much more understanding, and better at listening, not spending their whole time looking for someone else to blame when something doesn't work out and knows how to take responsability for their actions!!
So your probabaly been wondering what dramas have been going down in the world of princess in the last 3 weeks...
Well apart from developing a massive crush on mr across the Rd I haven't really had an interaction with men!
I haven't snogged any men or slept with any men...
I am still celibate, still on the wagon and still not smoking. I belive its either 10 or 11 weeks without a ciggy tomo. About 2 months without a drink on thursday and 8 weeks without sex today, only 3 more weeks till I can go for my blood test, I already had my last STD test and should get the results in about 1/2 weeks time so fingers crossed for me...
Other than that I have learnt how to knit and going to "knit and natter" club on mondays don't fucking laugh OK it's better than sitting around watching people get drunk or attempting to have a conversation with someone in a club whilst shouting at them and not hearing what they say anyhow cuz its too loud and they're too drunk to make any sense any how. At least with knitting you have something to show for it as opposed to a sore head and an empty purse. Not that I need to justify myself of course!!
Been still doing me voluntry work, infact I'm seeing the shakespeare play that we must not say on tuesday night!
Going to see ma sis tomo an all its been way too long.
Oh did I mention that Becca is completly unreasonable. I swear she suffers from conveinient amnesia. We had a massive fight on friday, which sort of lead on from thursday. PArtly cuz she's completly unreasonable and a bully.
Thursday night. I'm in the living room with her (her being Becca my delightful sister) and Iain and I was saying ohhh I hope mum pays for me tomo night as I'm totally skint and she was all like well I dobut it she may pay a bit towards it, and I was like oh but I'm totally skint, and she's all like well you had money to go swimming! I mean hello swimming is £2.30 its hardly the same price as a meal, and I'm certainly not giving that up, its just about the only thing that stops me from breaking her legs when shes being a bitch which seems to get more and more frequant by the hour. She's on a total mission to get mum to kick me out!
So any how I was all like oh I won't come then, and she was like whatever don't come then I don't care. So I was like oh whatever you can sort the cake out on your own.
So I start reading me book and her and Iain start arguing because that's all they ever fucking do. I was like jesus can you not I get bored listening. So she was all like well you don't have to read down here. So I was like fine and went next door to use the printer. So she then comes in and starts having a pop at me about using the printer, I love the way she thinks she owns the place!
Anyhow she was acting OKish later so I sort of let it go.
However the next day I'm baking the cake for mum and Jude birthday and she comes home and starts telling me off for just about everything telling me I'm doing it all wrong. I did try to not get cross but its hard when someone is constantly on your case for EVERYTHING! So I snapped and yes I do shout quite loudly. I walked out and went upstairs and she just doesn't leave me alone she follows me upstairs shouting up at me at the bottom of the stairs. She can be such a cow too she told me that mum should just kick me out and she hates me and that I should just go kill myself. She's such a bitch. She made me cry, but she doesn't care, I'll never get an appolagy of the middle class cow that thinks shes right no matter what she does or says.
I texted mum to say that I wasn't coming for dinner because becca had been horrible to me and made me cry and that I couldn't afford it anyhow. She told me she was expecting to pay for me anyhow and that to try to just be civilised to one another for one evening. Jude came up and had a chat with me when they arrived home!
So I did end up going. Her and Iain had a row for about 2 hours before we went out and mum was really upset. I swear she goes on about how I think the hole world revolves around me, but at least I don't deny it and besides shes dying for the whole world to revolve around her. Hasn't anyone told that girl thats the only person jealousy hurts is yourself! Apparently not!
Still I find out if I can do the princes trust course on friday. If i do that starts in september and its full time so that'll keep me well out the way for 12 weeks at least.
I also find on on 31st (10 days today) whether I get onto my beauty therapy course! Man I'm praying soooooo hard!!
I'm also considering having me hair cut short again... What do peoples think if that?
Any hows that gives you alot to think about.
Peace out my amazing followers
love love love
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
So there we have it I stupidly went from dating guys in their 30s and occasionally even 40's to then giving guys in their 20s ago and it's crazy how different the conversation flows.
For example if I was trying to talk to a guy in their 20's about my anxietys and problems etc I just get this completly bullshit response. Spmething like "snap out of it" or "oh well I don't care its not me thats upset you" or even "I'm not really interested in hearing about this". Ever noticed how they're happy to go on and on and on about crap that we're not really interested in but yet expect us to listen and if we don't they "go into their cave".
So no more men in their 20's its a no go area! Look I've had Chris, Terry, Craig, Beau, Luke, Ian, etc and apart from all being pricks they all had one thing in common, men in their 20's!!!
Now as you know I try not to genralize but all in all men in their 30's tend to be much more understanding, and better at listening, not spending their whole time looking for someone else to blame when something doesn't work out and knows how to take responsability for their actions!!
So your probabaly been wondering what dramas have been going down in the world of princess in the last 3 weeks...
Well apart from developing a massive crush on mr across the Rd I haven't really had an interaction with men!
I haven't snogged any men or slept with any men...
I am still celibate, still on the wagon and still not smoking. I belive its either 10 or 11 weeks without a ciggy tomo. About 2 months without a drink on thursday and 8 weeks without sex today, only 3 more weeks till I can go for my blood test, I already had my last STD test and should get the results in about 1/2 weeks time so fingers crossed for me...
Other than that I have learnt how to knit and going to "knit and natter" club on mondays don't fucking laugh OK it's better than sitting around watching people get drunk or attempting to have a conversation with someone in a club whilst shouting at them and not hearing what they say anyhow cuz its too loud and they're too drunk to make any sense any how. At least with knitting you have something to show for it as opposed to a sore head and an empty purse. Not that I need to justify myself of course!!
Been still doing me voluntry work, infact I'm seeing the shakespeare play that we must not say on tuesday night!
Going to see ma sis tomo an all its been way too long.
Oh did I mention that Becca is completly unreasonable. I swear she suffers from conveinient amnesia. We had a massive fight on friday, which sort of lead on from thursday. PArtly cuz she's completly unreasonable and a bully.
Thursday night. I'm in the living room with her (her being Becca my delightful sister) and Iain and I was saying ohhh I hope mum pays for me tomo night as I'm totally skint and she was all like well I dobut it she may pay a bit towards it, and I was like oh but I'm totally skint, and she's all like well you had money to go swimming! I mean hello swimming is £2.30 its hardly the same price as a meal, and I'm certainly not giving that up, its just about the only thing that stops me from breaking her legs when shes being a bitch which seems to get more and more frequant by the hour. She's on a total mission to get mum to kick me out!
So any how I was all like oh I won't come then, and she was like whatever don't come then I don't care. So I was like oh whatever you can sort the cake out on your own.
So I start reading me book and her and Iain start arguing because that's all they ever fucking do. I was like jesus can you not I get bored listening. So she was all like well you don't have to read down here. So I was like fine and went next door to use the printer. So she then comes in and starts having a pop at me about using the printer, I love the way she thinks she owns the place!
Anyhow she was acting OKish later so I sort of let it go.
However the next day I'm baking the cake for mum and Jude birthday and she comes home and starts telling me off for just about everything telling me I'm doing it all wrong. I did try to not get cross but its hard when someone is constantly on your case for EVERYTHING! So I snapped and yes I do shout quite loudly. I walked out and went upstairs and she just doesn't leave me alone she follows me upstairs shouting up at me at the bottom of the stairs. She can be such a cow too she told me that mum should just kick me out and she hates me and that I should just go kill myself. She's such a bitch. She made me cry, but she doesn't care, I'll never get an appolagy of the middle class cow that thinks shes right no matter what she does or says.
I texted mum to say that I wasn't coming for dinner because becca had been horrible to me and made me cry and that I couldn't afford it anyhow. She told me she was expecting to pay for me anyhow and that to try to just be civilised to one another for one evening. Jude came up and had a chat with me when they arrived home!
So I did end up going. Her and Iain had a row for about 2 hours before we went out and mum was really upset. I swear she goes on about how I think the hole world revolves around me, but at least I don't deny it and besides shes dying for the whole world to revolve around her. Hasn't anyone told that girl thats the only person jealousy hurts is yourself! Apparently not!
Still I find out if I can do the princes trust course on friday. If i do that starts in september and its full time so that'll keep me well out the way for 12 weeks at least.
I also find on on 31st (10 days today) whether I get onto my beauty therapy course! Man I'm praying soooooo hard!!
I'm also considering having me hair cut short again... What do peoples think if that?
Any hows that gives you alot to think about.
Peace out my amazing followers
love love love
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
