..Pretty pretty please don't you ever, ever feel like your less, less than perfect. Pretty, pretty please if you ever, ever feel like your nothing, you are perfect to me.
Yeah you see that I'm done with fucking haters and busy bodies who got nout better to do with their time and make complaints a bout other people! I'm done with fucking idiots who constantly put me down, to you lots I may not be fucking perfect but I'm beginning to notice people who put down others arn't so fucking perfect themselves and maybe should take a long hard look at their own life and attempt to fil the cracks in their lives instead of giving me bullshit advice that I don't need!
Ok ok rant over...
I love Pink she's a fucking legend (yes I use the word fuck alot, deal with it). I find that I can relate to a lot of what she writes about, although I'm pretty sure there are a lot of woman out there who can
also relate to what she sings, but you know just thought I'd throw that in...
So whats been going on in the life of Elle... ha now that would be telling... and to be honest for once there isn't really much to tell.. at least not on the man front anyhow. I was seeing this guy called Ed (whos in rehab with Ian) but I went off him, was a mixture of his age, life style and after a while of looking at him I decided I didn't really fancy him and maybe I was just going along with it because I wanted a bit of attention, who knows with me could be anything. So I've ended it with him... he doesn't actually know this yet because I've done it in a letter, but this time tomorrow he will, I just hopes he takes it well.
So here I am back to square one, single, untouched and horney as fuck.
Ha ha actually less of the horney now, I'm tired of thinking/reading/watching/talking/ hearing about sex, its been 18 frustrating weeks and one day HUMPH! Thank God I've got plenty keeping me busy.
Like the wedding, yes ladies and gents the wedding of the year is almost on my door step (saturday to be presice, and also the only wedding of the year). Still weddings are a time for celebration, so I guess I'll go and celabrate my cousins happiness!
It is slightly depressing that besides my mother (oh and my 14 year old cousin, I think) are the only people in the family who are single, I love how I get to go to York for days but have to share a hotel with my mother.
I swear one of the good things of being in your 20's is so that you no longer have to share a hotel room with one of your siblings or parents, typical aye no such luck. Look not everyone is in long term relationships in their 20s some of us just have better things to do with our times like read about sex Gods (AKA Christian Grey-50 shades) and eat cake, and have real orgasms with battery operated equipment, instead of having the joys of faking it again and again. Or knit or watch a good movie the list is endless.
Men are shit any how! (At least thats what I'll continue to tell myself until I have one).
Actually noticing its the 2nd september soon, I really hate being single in winter so may have to bag one, its nice to have a man in my bed when its cold outside, someone to bring me blueberry pancakes and tea on sunday mornings in bed, and of course more presents at christmas, there's always the great factor that when they piss me off to the point where I really don't want to hear anymore shit they have to say I can just sit on their face ;-) such a dirty bitch, ya see men do have their uses now and again.
Ha ha bet you struggled to read that, was terribly punctuated. Its a good job becca and Iain don't read this they'd have a fucking filed day correcting spelling and punctuation. As I said some people really need to get a life ;-). Better not jeprodise anything, me and Bexipoo have been getting on ok recently and Iain, hm I'm tolerating him! Don't want to fuck it all up specially 3 days before we go away (actually they leave on thurday but whatevs).
Anyhow I'm not writting any more I'm too hungary God knows what time we're eating feels like I've been waiting 10 hours for food (yes I love to exaderate). Right must scudadle.
Peace out
love love love xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Monday, 3 September 2012
Tuesday, 31 July 2012
We have the rain together, we survived the pain forever Oh, its good to be home again its good to be with my friends
I love that song, its by Pink and her daddy Jim Moore!
So its back to cold almost rainy old Brighton, you know the Brighton we know all so well, and our summer is over, wow after just 4 days or so. Guess I shouldn't really complain, afterall I've got more important things to think about and moan about that what the weathers doing, although that be said I hope it doesn't rain saturday because meant to be seeing Princess Andrea to see Greece and Dirty Dancing on the big screen down the beach.
Let me start by saying I have deleted facebook. I just can't deal with it right now, everytime I have a rant their always seems like there's someone their having ago at me, if you don't like it DE-FRIEND me or hide my news feed, its my fucking facebook I can write what I fucking well want. So fed up with always being bloody told off, I'm not a child anymore I wish people wouldn't treat me like one, so fucking patronising!
Anyhow thats that rant over with, I've de-activated so the people that get oh so easily offended will have to go find some one else to get offended by.
*and breath*
I would like to point out that I'm still single, and still not having any sex, become slightly obsessed with being skinny too. It never used to bother me so much but recently I've been really thinking about weight and food and being a little bit obssesive, I guess growing up with 2 skinny minis (aka anorexics) doesn't help. I've spent my life growing up always being told I'm fucking fat its hardly suprising I have a huge complex about it.
Having a sister thats 6 stone and a mother not far behind I mean its fucked up, on the plus side at least I have bigger tits and look more like a woman.
I've always had issues with food, I sometimes wonder what it would have been like to grow up with people that don't constantly obsess over food all the time, maybe I wouldn't always feel so depressed when I look in the mirror. I have been battling with my reflection for as long as I can remember and spend my whole life admiring other girls and thinking "if only I could have her tits, her stomache, her nose, her hair, her mouth" etc. Oh come on we've all done it at one time or another. Learning to be happy being my is something I really need to learn!
Beccas decided to move to Eastbourne with the cunt, not sure if I mentioned that in my last entry, bad bad move, shes going to be soooo lonley the cunts going to commute to london every day, but shes addamant to move out with him! I guess its one of those things that even though I really don't want her too she'll have to learn the hard way, I've had to on virtually everything, its tough to watch but I guess thats just life, nothing I can do about it!
On the plus side Jacs is talking about moving back to Brighton, man I hope so, be so cool her living close again, I can see her more and it'll be like the times when I lived in Newhaven. I know I shouldn't get too excited because it might not even happen but it'll be good to have all my family back around me again, makes me feel safer. Oh you know except me dad but just kind of forgotten about him really, I really haven't got time for his games anymore. I'm 23 now, not 12 anymore and he missed out on so much I think what the fuck is the point anyhow, like I always say it'll be his loss in the end, when I get to where I want to be he won't be able to take any credit for any of it because he hasn't played any part of it, misurable old git!
Got loads of fun things planned for august so thats cool. Got work meal tomorrow at La tascas whoop whoop. Going glamping next thursday, Kat and Dan coming down at one point in August, going out with Kelly, Amanda and Jackie from college, got Callums 5th birthday party, going to a ball too in august that'll be fun, before I know it'll be the wedding, am so excited about it now, looking forward to being able to eat again and see all me family and of course getting drunk!
I am barely drinking at the moment because of the calories in alcohol. If I want to be a small size 12 for the wedding then I have to be really dedicated to not drinking or eating excessivly!
Any how todays blog is shit because there's no fucking drama.
I have discovered that by joining a dating site (yes for the billionth time) that there are alot of ugly single guys in Brighton and no if you are fat, ugly, 45, divorced with 3 kids I do not want to come and suck your wrinkly cock, for fuck sake do fat guys like this really honestly think I would actually say yet its fucking disgusting and on that note I'm going to go vom. ha ha Nah I'm not actually but if this weight doesn't shift soon may have to be bulimic again. I was so skinny when I was bulemic!
Peace out lovers
xxxxxxxxxx
So its back to cold almost rainy old Brighton, you know the Brighton we know all so well, and our summer is over, wow after just 4 days or so. Guess I shouldn't really complain, afterall I've got more important things to think about and moan about that what the weathers doing, although that be said I hope it doesn't rain saturday because meant to be seeing Princess Andrea to see Greece and Dirty Dancing on the big screen down the beach.
Let me start by saying I have deleted facebook. I just can't deal with it right now, everytime I have a rant their always seems like there's someone their having ago at me, if you don't like it DE-FRIEND me or hide my news feed, its my fucking facebook I can write what I fucking well want. So fed up with always being bloody told off, I'm not a child anymore I wish people wouldn't treat me like one, so fucking patronising!
Anyhow thats that rant over with, I've de-activated so the people that get oh so easily offended will have to go find some one else to get offended by.
*and breath*
I would like to point out that I'm still single, and still not having any sex, become slightly obsessed with being skinny too. It never used to bother me so much but recently I've been really thinking about weight and food and being a little bit obssesive, I guess growing up with 2 skinny minis (aka anorexics) doesn't help. I've spent my life growing up always being told I'm fucking fat its hardly suprising I have a huge complex about it.
Having a sister thats 6 stone and a mother not far behind I mean its fucked up, on the plus side at least I have bigger tits and look more like a woman.
I've always had issues with food, I sometimes wonder what it would have been like to grow up with people that don't constantly obsess over food all the time, maybe I wouldn't always feel so depressed when I look in the mirror. I have been battling with my reflection for as long as I can remember and spend my whole life admiring other girls and thinking "if only I could have her tits, her stomache, her nose, her hair, her mouth" etc. Oh come on we've all done it at one time or another. Learning to be happy being my is something I really need to learn!
Beccas decided to move to Eastbourne with the cunt, not sure if I mentioned that in my last entry, bad bad move, shes going to be soooo lonley the cunts going to commute to london every day, but shes addamant to move out with him! I guess its one of those things that even though I really don't want her too she'll have to learn the hard way, I've had to on virtually everything, its tough to watch but I guess thats just life, nothing I can do about it!
On the plus side Jacs is talking about moving back to Brighton, man I hope so, be so cool her living close again, I can see her more and it'll be like the times when I lived in Newhaven. I know I shouldn't get too excited because it might not even happen but it'll be good to have all my family back around me again, makes me feel safer. Oh you know except me dad but just kind of forgotten about him really, I really haven't got time for his games anymore. I'm 23 now, not 12 anymore and he missed out on so much I think what the fuck is the point anyhow, like I always say it'll be his loss in the end, when I get to where I want to be he won't be able to take any credit for any of it because he hasn't played any part of it, misurable old git!
Got loads of fun things planned for august so thats cool. Got work meal tomorrow at La tascas whoop whoop. Going glamping next thursday, Kat and Dan coming down at one point in August, going out with Kelly, Amanda and Jackie from college, got Callums 5th birthday party, going to a ball too in august that'll be fun, before I know it'll be the wedding, am so excited about it now, looking forward to being able to eat again and see all me family and of course getting drunk!
I am barely drinking at the moment because of the calories in alcohol. If I want to be a small size 12 for the wedding then I have to be really dedicated to not drinking or eating excessivly!
Any how todays blog is shit because there's no fucking drama.
I have discovered that by joining a dating site (yes for the billionth time) that there are alot of ugly single guys in Brighton and no if you are fat, ugly, 45, divorced with 3 kids I do not want to come and suck your wrinkly cock, for fuck sake do fat guys like this really honestly think I would actually say yet its fucking disgusting and on that note I'm going to go vom. ha ha Nah I'm not actually but if this weight doesn't shift soon may have to be bulimic again. I was so skinny when I was bulemic!
Peace out lovers
xxxxxxxxxx
Tuesday, 24 July 2012
Feeling hot, hot, hot...
Wow would you believe it, 24th July & we have sun Bingo, God we're so spoilt in Britain ;-)!!
So its been say 22 days since I wrote, 3 weeks and 1 day, for the average person they probabaly would have just gone about their every day life and not too much would have happened, however already establishing that I'm not the average person and say I get about as much excitment in 3 weeks than the avarage person might get in the entire year!
So Iain, who I have just decided to replace with the words "The Cunt" because his name gives me shivers down my back, he was being a bigger prick than usual (yes apparently it is possible). Him and Becca were arguing through the whole house, she was in tears and he was just basically not giving a shit because lets face it why would he, he's a self obssesed arrogont twat. Any how it was so bad that both me and mum walked out that night, I ended up eating out alone because I was so hungary and couldn't bare to be at the house, I think mum went for a drink alone. Lukily Princess Andrea came and met me and that really helped, having me pals support me over these extremly tough times is one of the few things thats keeping me going. Proper angels!!
So I came home later to realise that they we're both totally oblivious to the fact that they made both me and mum walk out.
Mum stayed up till 3am crying, I tried to stay awake till she went to bed but ended up just passing out with the top light on and my glasses on whoops!
So the next day I texted Jacqui and told her to ring mum, so she looked after mum for the whole day and I tried to support her as much as I felt I could into finally doing something about this situation which has gone on far too long.
Any how so as usual the weekend past and nothing was said, and as usual no-one apart from me said how I really felt. Heaven forbid that we actually say what we actually feel, does my fucking head in!
I ran away the weekend after because I simply couldn't cope anymore my mental health was through the roof, anxiety and depression, I felt suicidally depressed so decided that staying with friends would be a wise idea, good support & distraction. When I'm in a state like that I have to do whatever I can to keep well!!
It was a weekened that really hit the spot in every way possible. Had lush food at Princess Andreas friday night and then went to the pub where I found a fish bowl full of business cards so decided to grab a load and text all the males with mobiles saying "hi sexy" and left my number on the back of a few of them and put them back in the fish bowl. Was a slightly disapointing outcome, didn't get dates from any of them which is a shame. Still their loss not mine right?
Made amazing cupcakes saturday that was loadsa fun :D. We then went over to Kates and Dani come over too and we just spent the whole evening eating cake mmm love it and chatting and watching funny TV programmes, was a really good evening! We spent most of the sunday in our pjs, good times ;-).
Unfortunatly came back to world war 3 on sunday, wasn't too bad though because I just stayed up in my room... I think I tend to suffer from memory loss a lot in my old age ;-).
Any how so then Kat (me cousin) come down on the wednesday and that was good, its always good when shes down because she's so funny, I laugh so much when she comes to visit, and even at 22 weeks pregaz, its so weird to think of her as pregnant, shes having a little boy, hope he's cute, well can guarentee it up until the age of about 3 and then it depends, could go either way I suppose...
So last weekend just passed well well well friday night I was like nah not going to get pissed this weekend just having a couple glasses of wine and be done with it, however that all changed when I bumped into the boy in a pub along Lewes Road, YES THE BOY as in the one that I was desperate to have sex for, for at least a month, well I think I can well and truly say I fucked up even potentially having a one night stand with him!
I downed my large glass of rose, I'd had a small glass of rose prior to this and a pimms and lemonade. Then I decided to drink 4 vodka & lemonades. After telling everyone that I don't drink vodka, so I was drunk, I wouldn't say quite pareletic but I was drunk meaning I lost all embarresment. Oh Jesus I even sat on the boys lap at one point, he clearly wasn't interested at all. I think I did inform him that I had a crush on him, although I didn't actually listen to his response... or maybe I didn but I don't remember.
He did let me where his coat though, I think I had to guilt trip him into that, just before he left I stood there going "your leaving me" like over and over again as if we'd been together or something! God damn him he looked so fuckable on friday, more than ever!
Any how he fucking left and so he's a cunt right and I should just stop thinking about him right? Shame I can't get him out of my head!!
Enough of that it's pissing me off!
Saturday morning felt fairly reasonable considering, although buy the afternoon I felt like someone had tipped me upsdide down and shook me, not a good feeling, or look!
I was meant to be going on a date with some guy called Marc from the internet, which didn't end up happeneing because I got to the station at half 8 to meet him and he kindly informed me his train wasn't due till 9.10pm (he lives in Worthing) and therfore wouldn't arrive in Brighton till 9.38pm so I was like there isn't much point there, I wondered around for 2 hours and then went home! I didn't give him a second chance, kind of figured if he's that unorginised this early on what the fuck would he be like 2 weeks down the line, don't want to chance it really!!
So sunday it was hot so got up early to go see me nan and bought myself a lush new dress, I felt I deserved it after being stood up previous night, fuck me new dresses and mates are so much better that boys.
Went for sunday roast with Rhea and Andrea, then chilled out in the Pavilion Gardens in the sun listening to top ass tunes, followed by yummy cupcakes from cloud nine and softails from all bar one. Good times, went for a glass of wine at the local with Becca after too (we're talking again now, cannot be bothered to be more stressed than I already am).
So last wednesday you'll never guess who I bumped into... only Ian Mccoriston, hadn't spoken to him in months, apparently he's in rehab now and he's allowed out now. (He wasn't allowed out for 1st 3 months). I couldn't believe he'd actually got sober, I'd sort of given up on him because he was always chatting shit. Still I'm quite impressed that he's done it.
I met up with him for a smoothie last night because I decided that everyone deserves a 2nd chance in life and even though he's been a nightmare in the past he'd never actually been horrible to me, apart from telling everyone we'd had sex loads which is a lie, but guess I should feel flattered really. He didn't bully me though like Chris did. Anyhow I'm glad he's gotten sober, I just hope he sticks with it. It'll be worth it one day!!
So I have a new crush too, I don't exactly know this guy, I've seen him about loads in last few months, and I saw him a couple days ago near the Steine, sunday I think, and then I saw him again in asda last night. I was thinking hmm what are you doing here, ha ha cuz clearly asda belongs to moi. ;-). He was with a girl, an older man and an older lady and I was trying to work out wether the girl was his g/f and the older lady and gentlemen were her parents or if she was his sister and the older lady and gentlemen were his mum and dad. Well currently I don't even know his name so some serious stalking is in order me thinks...
Was having serious money issues and then my DvD player decided to pack in at the worse possible time and I thought I might physically break down, because I'm a drama queen and thats what drama queens do... actually its because I have BPD and unexpected things throw me off and I panic and can't think straight! Anyhow lukily for me Ettie and Chris kindly saved my back by giving me theirs!
My friends truly are angels. Gods definitly got my back this time.
on that note I'm going to finish because I've written loads anyhow already, this will keep ya busy for a while....
peace out
love xxxxxxxxxxx
So its been say 22 days since I wrote, 3 weeks and 1 day, for the average person they probabaly would have just gone about their every day life and not too much would have happened, however already establishing that I'm not the average person and say I get about as much excitment in 3 weeks than the avarage person might get in the entire year!
So Iain, who I have just decided to replace with the words "The Cunt" because his name gives me shivers down my back, he was being a bigger prick than usual (yes apparently it is possible). Him and Becca were arguing through the whole house, she was in tears and he was just basically not giving a shit because lets face it why would he, he's a self obssesed arrogont twat. Any how it was so bad that both me and mum walked out that night, I ended up eating out alone because I was so hungary and couldn't bare to be at the house, I think mum went for a drink alone. Lukily Princess Andrea came and met me and that really helped, having me pals support me over these extremly tough times is one of the few things thats keeping me going. Proper angels!!
So I came home later to realise that they we're both totally oblivious to the fact that they made both me and mum walk out.
Mum stayed up till 3am crying, I tried to stay awake till she went to bed but ended up just passing out with the top light on and my glasses on whoops!
So the next day I texted Jacqui and told her to ring mum, so she looked after mum for the whole day and I tried to support her as much as I felt I could into finally doing something about this situation which has gone on far too long.
Any how so as usual the weekend past and nothing was said, and as usual no-one apart from me said how I really felt. Heaven forbid that we actually say what we actually feel, does my fucking head in!
I ran away the weekend after because I simply couldn't cope anymore my mental health was through the roof, anxiety and depression, I felt suicidally depressed so decided that staying with friends would be a wise idea, good support & distraction. When I'm in a state like that I have to do whatever I can to keep well!!
It was a weekened that really hit the spot in every way possible. Had lush food at Princess Andreas friday night and then went to the pub where I found a fish bowl full of business cards so decided to grab a load and text all the males with mobiles saying "hi sexy" and left my number on the back of a few of them and put them back in the fish bowl. Was a slightly disapointing outcome, didn't get dates from any of them which is a shame. Still their loss not mine right?
Made amazing cupcakes saturday that was loadsa fun :D. We then went over to Kates and Dani come over too and we just spent the whole evening eating cake mmm love it and chatting and watching funny TV programmes, was a really good evening! We spent most of the sunday in our pjs, good times ;-).
Unfortunatly came back to world war 3 on sunday, wasn't too bad though because I just stayed up in my room... I think I tend to suffer from memory loss a lot in my old age ;-).
Any how so then Kat (me cousin) come down on the wednesday and that was good, its always good when shes down because she's so funny, I laugh so much when she comes to visit, and even at 22 weeks pregaz, its so weird to think of her as pregnant, shes having a little boy, hope he's cute, well can guarentee it up until the age of about 3 and then it depends, could go either way I suppose...
So last weekend just passed well well well friday night I was like nah not going to get pissed this weekend just having a couple glasses of wine and be done with it, however that all changed when I bumped into the boy in a pub along Lewes Road, YES THE BOY as in the one that I was desperate to have sex for, for at least a month, well I think I can well and truly say I fucked up even potentially having a one night stand with him!
I downed my large glass of rose, I'd had a small glass of rose prior to this and a pimms and lemonade. Then I decided to drink 4 vodka & lemonades. After telling everyone that I don't drink vodka, so I was drunk, I wouldn't say quite pareletic but I was drunk meaning I lost all embarresment. Oh Jesus I even sat on the boys lap at one point, he clearly wasn't interested at all. I think I did inform him that I had a crush on him, although I didn't actually listen to his response... or maybe I didn but I don't remember.
He did let me where his coat though, I think I had to guilt trip him into that, just before he left I stood there going "your leaving me" like over and over again as if we'd been together or something! God damn him he looked so fuckable on friday, more than ever!
Any how he fucking left and so he's a cunt right and I should just stop thinking about him right? Shame I can't get him out of my head!!
Enough of that it's pissing me off!
Saturday morning felt fairly reasonable considering, although buy the afternoon I felt like someone had tipped me upsdide down and shook me, not a good feeling, or look!
I was meant to be going on a date with some guy called Marc from the internet, which didn't end up happeneing because I got to the station at half 8 to meet him and he kindly informed me his train wasn't due till 9.10pm (he lives in Worthing) and therfore wouldn't arrive in Brighton till 9.38pm so I was like there isn't much point there, I wondered around for 2 hours and then went home! I didn't give him a second chance, kind of figured if he's that unorginised this early on what the fuck would he be like 2 weeks down the line, don't want to chance it really!!
So sunday it was hot so got up early to go see me nan and bought myself a lush new dress, I felt I deserved it after being stood up previous night, fuck me new dresses and mates are so much better that boys.
Went for sunday roast with Rhea and Andrea, then chilled out in the Pavilion Gardens in the sun listening to top ass tunes, followed by yummy cupcakes from cloud nine and softails from all bar one. Good times, went for a glass of wine at the local with Becca after too (we're talking again now, cannot be bothered to be more stressed than I already am).
So last wednesday you'll never guess who I bumped into... only Ian Mccoriston, hadn't spoken to him in months, apparently he's in rehab now and he's allowed out now. (He wasn't allowed out for 1st 3 months). I couldn't believe he'd actually got sober, I'd sort of given up on him because he was always chatting shit. Still I'm quite impressed that he's done it.
I met up with him for a smoothie last night because I decided that everyone deserves a 2nd chance in life and even though he's been a nightmare in the past he'd never actually been horrible to me, apart from telling everyone we'd had sex loads which is a lie, but guess I should feel flattered really. He didn't bully me though like Chris did. Anyhow I'm glad he's gotten sober, I just hope he sticks with it. It'll be worth it one day!!
So I have a new crush too, I don't exactly know this guy, I've seen him about loads in last few months, and I saw him a couple days ago near the Steine, sunday I think, and then I saw him again in asda last night. I was thinking hmm what are you doing here, ha ha cuz clearly asda belongs to moi. ;-). He was with a girl, an older man and an older lady and I was trying to work out wether the girl was his g/f and the older lady and gentlemen were her parents or if she was his sister and the older lady and gentlemen were his mum and dad. Well currently I don't even know his name so some serious stalking is in order me thinks...
Was having serious money issues and then my DvD player decided to pack in at the worse possible time and I thought I might physically break down, because I'm a drama queen and thats what drama queens do... actually its because I have BPD and unexpected things throw me off and I panic and can't think straight! Anyhow lukily for me Ettie and Chris kindly saved my back by giving me theirs!
My friends truly are angels. Gods definitly got my back this time.
on that note I'm going to finish because I've written loads anyhow already, this will keep ya busy for a while....
peace out
love xxxxxxxxxxx
Monday, 2 July 2012
Cleopatra!
I've started reading "Memoirs of Cleopatra" recently, recommended by Lauren & to get a better understanding I ordered to movie, the most recent one with Billy Zane, L'eonor Varela and Timothy Dalton!
It's such a brilliant story, even though its true long ago and although the movie is just actors I believe that they portray it well. It really gets me thinking (always a bad thing). I stared thinking that in 2000 years how much has really changed? Yes we live in democracy now, and when we have wars they're nuclear and it isn't how it was back then in that respect. But I think when it comes to love & relationships how different is it? Well I'll tell you one thing, I wouldn't have wanted to die young & live through mayhem but Caesar is one of the most powerful men in the whole of the world, yet when he falls in love for Cleopatra and he really does fall in love with her, true love, its like so passionette, and I wonder if thats what Britain lacks is passion, it seems to me that alcohol and drugs is the only passion people have these days, I hate it. I guess places like Egypt were probabaly much more passionette places to live, take Italy for example they're passionatte about food, Egypt has the pyramids, France has the Eiffle tower and Spain is just, I don't really know but there is definitly a certain Aura that people from these countries carry & the other thing us British seem to carry is drink/drug problems, the weight of the world on our shoulders and anything possible to moan about.
Recently I've been really thinking about men (ok ok I know I'm always thinking about men) in a sort of way of what do I want. What do I really want, I'm forever breaking up with guys for what seem like slightly shallow reasons like they're hairs weird, or they ring me too much, or they want to see me all the time, or they never call me, or they're boring, or their eyebrows are too long, or some crap like that. Although I suppose what I'm really feeling is lack of passion and maybe thats why I keep breaking up with these guys, they're all just the same person in different bodies and slightly different stories. I want a man who gives me an apitite, and not for food, my passion and desire for food is fine, but I'm talking about an appitite for life!
A man that makes me want to get up early and give me this energy that I've only really ever felt from foreign woman before, usually from France or Spain! A man who makes my heart race and my whole body quiver with just one touch, and not just the first time we make love but forever more, a man who is like a book, leaves me hungary for more!
A man who is brave, and by that I don't mean someone who will remove a spider for me when I'm having an anratonphobia fit, and not a man who goes and beat the shit out of someone for whatever reason. I mean a man who isn't affraid to speak his fears, a man who knows how to cry and show his emotions, a man that looks like a fucking man, I'm fed up with having to fucking diet all the time because all the guys around me are small and skinny, I want a man who is tall with sturdy legs, strong arms, a body built like a tree trunk, big, but firm!
Instead I'm surrounded by silly little boys who have legs like chickens, are skinny like an anerexic cat, big arms from taking steroids, and they're whole body looks out of proportion, or they just have arms like twigs! I'm not sure whats worse!! There's an alternative to going out with a man whose obease, you'll probabaly find him burger king, both are seriously depressing!
Half of them don't even have proper facial hair, and then when they do it goes bloody ginger and it just reminds me of that little freak Faigan from Oliver twist!
Most of the boys who attempt to go out with me can't read they think reading car magazines or newspapers class as reading it doesn't, they totally shocked that someone with blond hair is reading an actual book I mean jesus christ!
Most of them don't last much longer than 10 minutes when having sex and then they role over and go to sleep, I'm not sure any of them, well at least any of the ones I've been with know the art of making love!
Half of them can't dress, they walk around with they're bums hanging out of their jeans, and majority of them seriously need a haircut!
The most recent guy, ha suprisingly called Chris (which is a no go in itself really) he spoke in 3rd person and that is annoying shit.
I know your probabaly thinking wow she must think shes the fucking bees knees and that I'm basically slagging off all British men, which is kind of unfair of me seeing as I haven't obviously met every British man, but I'm just trying to express myself from what I know and have seen and how I feel, please try not to be offended. I'm trying to get across my frustration!
No I do not think I'm the bees knees, but I'll tell you, I know how to dress, I know how to make my make up look good, I know how to read a book, not just a magazine, an actual book! A noval!
I know how to cook, I have a passion for baking, I appriciate art in all its forms, I have an imagination beyond any mans wildest dreams, I have this passion like fire burning deep inside me, which is waiting to be unleashed just as soon as it senses someone worthy enough for it to be realesed.
I haven't been sleeping well recently, I'm not sure if thats to do with the whole male thing, I think its a mixtue of that, mixed with a long hang over, mixed with anxiety of being alone, being left behind, worrying about stupid day to day things. It doesn't seem to matter what time I go to bed and how early I get up I just can't seem to sleep fully without fear! Thank God I'm seeing the homepath tomorrow, and the physio wednesday!
My eyes are feeling heavy and my mind is off with my imagination!
Peace out my Prince's and Godess's cxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
It's such a brilliant story, even though its true long ago and although the movie is just actors I believe that they portray it well. It really gets me thinking (always a bad thing). I stared thinking that in 2000 years how much has really changed? Yes we live in democracy now, and when we have wars they're nuclear and it isn't how it was back then in that respect. But I think when it comes to love & relationships how different is it? Well I'll tell you one thing, I wouldn't have wanted to die young & live through mayhem but Caesar is one of the most powerful men in the whole of the world, yet when he falls in love for Cleopatra and he really does fall in love with her, true love, its like so passionette, and I wonder if thats what Britain lacks is passion, it seems to me that alcohol and drugs is the only passion people have these days, I hate it. I guess places like Egypt were probabaly much more passionette places to live, take Italy for example they're passionatte about food, Egypt has the pyramids, France has the Eiffle tower and Spain is just, I don't really know but there is definitly a certain Aura that people from these countries carry & the other thing us British seem to carry is drink/drug problems, the weight of the world on our shoulders and anything possible to moan about.
Recently I've been really thinking about men (ok ok I know I'm always thinking about men) in a sort of way of what do I want. What do I really want, I'm forever breaking up with guys for what seem like slightly shallow reasons like they're hairs weird, or they ring me too much, or they want to see me all the time, or they never call me, or they're boring, or their eyebrows are too long, or some crap like that. Although I suppose what I'm really feeling is lack of passion and maybe thats why I keep breaking up with these guys, they're all just the same person in different bodies and slightly different stories. I want a man who gives me an apitite, and not for food, my passion and desire for food is fine, but I'm talking about an appitite for life!
A man that makes me want to get up early and give me this energy that I've only really ever felt from foreign woman before, usually from France or Spain! A man who makes my heart race and my whole body quiver with just one touch, and not just the first time we make love but forever more, a man who is like a book, leaves me hungary for more!
A man who is brave, and by that I don't mean someone who will remove a spider for me when I'm having an anratonphobia fit, and not a man who goes and beat the shit out of someone for whatever reason. I mean a man who isn't affraid to speak his fears, a man who knows how to cry and show his emotions, a man that looks like a fucking man, I'm fed up with having to fucking diet all the time because all the guys around me are small and skinny, I want a man who is tall with sturdy legs, strong arms, a body built like a tree trunk, big, but firm!
Instead I'm surrounded by silly little boys who have legs like chickens, are skinny like an anerexic cat, big arms from taking steroids, and they're whole body looks out of proportion, or they just have arms like twigs! I'm not sure whats worse!! There's an alternative to going out with a man whose obease, you'll probabaly find him burger king, both are seriously depressing!
Half of them don't even have proper facial hair, and then when they do it goes bloody ginger and it just reminds me of that little freak Faigan from Oliver twist!
Most of the boys who attempt to go out with me can't read they think reading car magazines or newspapers class as reading it doesn't, they totally shocked that someone with blond hair is reading an actual book I mean jesus christ!
Most of them don't last much longer than 10 minutes when having sex and then they role over and go to sleep, I'm not sure any of them, well at least any of the ones I've been with know the art of making love!
Half of them can't dress, they walk around with they're bums hanging out of their jeans, and majority of them seriously need a haircut!
The most recent guy, ha suprisingly called Chris (which is a no go in itself really) he spoke in 3rd person and that is annoying shit.
I know your probabaly thinking wow she must think shes the fucking bees knees and that I'm basically slagging off all British men, which is kind of unfair of me seeing as I haven't obviously met every British man, but I'm just trying to express myself from what I know and have seen and how I feel, please try not to be offended. I'm trying to get across my frustration!
No I do not think I'm the bees knees, but I'll tell you, I know how to dress, I know how to make my make up look good, I know how to read a book, not just a magazine, an actual book! A noval!
I know how to cook, I have a passion for baking, I appriciate art in all its forms, I have an imagination beyond any mans wildest dreams, I have this passion like fire burning deep inside me, which is waiting to be unleashed just as soon as it senses someone worthy enough for it to be realesed.
I haven't been sleeping well recently, I'm not sure if thats to do with the whole male thing, I think its a mixtue of that, mixed with a long hang over, mixed with anxiety of being alone, being left behind, worrying about stupid day to day things. It doesn't seem to matter what time I go to bed and how early I get up I just can't seem to sleep fully without fear! Thank God I'm seeing the homepath tomorrow, and the physio wednesday!
My eyes are feeling heavy and my mind is off with my imagination!
Peace out my Prince's and Godess's cxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Tuesday, 26 June 2012
Makes me that much stronger, makes me work a little bit harder, makes me that much wiser , so thanks for making me a fighter. Makes me learn a little bit faster, makes my skin a little bit thicker, makes me that much smarted, so thanks for making me a fighter...
Good old Christina Aguilera, great strong woman there in her own right, I find surrounding myself with good strong, positive woman a definite way to improve my life, surrounding myself with people who believe in me and don't put me down and make me feel shit about who I am, and what I stand for!
It has been a long hard rocky road over well the last 19 years, but I can finally sit here at my pink sony lap top and say that I am one of these great, strong independant woman! I can say this without worrying that people may think I'm arrogont or big headed, I'm done with always having to be modest, being British and especially being a woman we've been brought up to put ourselves down and we shouldn't talk about our acheivments because it's classed as "showing off" well I'm finally understanding that although I'm proud to be British, I'm also proud to be a woman and I'm proud of my achievments, what I've lived through, and what I've survived and I now know no-one has the right to judge me apart from God and he is the one person that won't judge me!
So today I passed my first year of beauty school the one and only thing I've been wanting to do for years, but due to funds and pressure I hadn't manage to do it till the 2011, and now I've done half of my level 2 and after having all my exams and assesments signed off today, I had this feeling of acheivment and it is such a nice feeling I can't even tell you how proud I am of myself, sticking at it even when things were tough, and I think despite all the put downs and the shit I've had to deal with and the complete lack of support from my father who has never not once in my life ever told me that he's proud of me, or that he loves me!
I figure all of this together has made me so determinded to acheive the one thing I know I can do and have always wanted to do despite everything.
10 years down the line, when I'm well who knows but hopefully happy and successful (what I would class as successful not neceseraly what other people define as success), I will not let my father take a single credit for any of it!
The only person who really can take the credit for the person I have become is my mother who has stuck by me, through my whole life, and I can assure you I wasn't an easy teenager, and letting me live with her, and times are sometimes tough but she's supported me the whole way and I hope one day when I have a daughter she feels as much love from me as I do right now from my mum!
I'm going to finish on that note for now.
I would like to thank the people who have supported me and loved me through the hard times and the good, no need to list names, you know who you are!
Finally I've just started reading "The Memoirs of Cleopatra" strong woman, definitly something worth getting my teeth sunk into!
Peace out and love to the world!
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
It has been a long hard rocky road over well the last 19 years, but I can finally sit here at my pink sony lap top and say that I am one of these great, strong independant woman! I can say this without worrying that people may think I'm arrogont or big headed, I'm done with always having to be modest, being British and especially being a woman we've been brought up to put ourselves down and we shouldn't talk about our acheivments because it's classed as "showing off" well I'm finally understanding that although I'm proud to be British, I'm also proud to be a woman and I'm proud of my achievments, what I've lived through, and what I've survived and I now know no-one has the right to judge me apart from God and he is the one person that won't judge me!
So today I passed my first year of beauty school the one and only thing I've been wanting to do for years, but due to funds and pressure I hadn't manage to do it till the 2011, and now I've done half of my level 2 and after having all my exams and assesments signed off today, I had this feeling of acheivment and it is such a nice feeling I can't even tell you how proud I am of myself, sticking at it even when things were tough, and I think despite all the put downs and the shit I've had to deal with and the complete lack of support from my father who has never not once in my life ever told me that he's proud of me, or that he loves me!
I figure all of this together has made me so determinded to acheive the one thing I know I can do and have always wanted to do despite everything.
10 years down the line, when I'm well who knows but hopefully happy and successful (what I would class as successful not neceseraly what other people define as success), I will not let my father take a single credit for any of it!
The only person who really can take the credit for the person I have become is my mother who has stuck by me, through my whole life, and I can assure you I wasn't an easy teenager, and letting me live with her, and times are sometimes tough but she's supported me the whole way and I hope one day when I have a daughter she feels as much love from me as I do right now from my mum!
I'm going to finish on that note for now.
I would like to thank the people who have supported me and loved me through the hard times and the good, no need to list names, you know who you are!
Finally I've just started reading "The Memoirs of Cleopatra" strong woman, definitly something worth getting my teeth sunk into!
Peace out and love to the world!
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Wednesday, 20 June 2012
You think I'd leave your side baby you know me better than that you think I'd leave you when your down on your knees I wouldn't do that. I'll tell you you're right when you want and if only you could see into me, oh when your cold I'll be there hold you tight to me...
.. When your on the outside baby and you can't get in
I will show you, you're so much better than you know
when your lost and you're alone and you can't get back again
I will find you darling and I will bring you home.
And if you want to cry
I am here to dry your eyes
and in no time you'll be fine.
You'd think I'd leave your side baby
you know me better than that
you think I'd leave you down when your down on your knees
I wouldn't do that.
I'll tell you you're right when you want
and if only you could see into me
oh when your cold I'll be there
hold you tight to me
oh when your low
I'll be there by your side.
I love this song its so I'm not sure of the word right now, maybe hits a nerve, well I'm ill and so I think its acceptable that my brain isn't functioning its usual healthyish way..
I wish I could say I have had many dramas but unfortunatly it would be a lie, there have been absolutly no man dramas, or dramas in general, well its no wonder I'm fucking ill, drama for me is like what heroin is for an addict. I just can't function without it.
Actually thats probabaly a load of bullshit, my lovely dhaling sister (becca) has been ill and now undobutedly passed it onto me, cheers love just what I wanted!
So I stupidly ignored it and went into Town today any way and then pretty much passed out from about 3.30pm till about 7.30pm. I then went down stairs (very slowly, I'm very weak) to attempt some dinner, to walk into mayhem, so sort of leak in the bathroom and now there is water dripping through the ceiling in the kitchen, oh fanfuckingfantastic, so I was waddling around in the dark because mum turned off the lights (mum already has the biggest paranoya about having a fire, things like this don't help). So the floors soaking wet, theres water dripping all over me and I'm attempting to re-heat my dinner in the dark ill, oh bloody brilliant. Any how I then got yelled at for not helping although clearly I'm in no fit state to be dealing with this meladrama in my condition. So I sit myself down on the sofa to watch eastenders and to attempt to drown out the palava, to then be shouted at half way through because apparently I'm taking over the lounge, well that was that I can't deal with being treated like shit at the best of times, but when I'm ill well its just so much worse. So I'm now hiding in my room feeling like shit alone, I did have a little cry too.
So its finally beginning to sink in that I am 100% single, for the 1st time in my life. Well maybe its not so bad, its something I have to deal with, I am learning slowly how to be single. I took my sorry little ass out for lunch yesterday, only to donatellos and it wasn't as bad as I thought, its a bit awkward saying table for one, just me, but then after a while its kind of ok. Like you don't have to watch some skanky guy eating his food, more to the point I didn't have to be really polite and worry about making a mess. You don't have to indulge in any shit conversations men like to talk about, or worry about bringing up something appripriate, there's none of that bullshit anxiety that I get for up to a week before meeting up with a guy, it was just peaceful, I didn't have to wait for anyone I took my time & left when I chose.
I think accepting that I'm single and embracing it as opposed to looking at it like a monster is definitly a good thing.
Men are bullshit anyhow, they only let you down in the end.
The main reason for today choice of song and I know I'm sort of going to contradict myself here, from the above statment (I'm British, thats what we do, contradict ourselves, are hypacrits & love to moan) but I kind of want a guy to be saying that to me, everything Sade is saying to (we can only presume a man) but who knows could be a friend, a sister, a daughter/son. I want a man who can catch me when I fall, who can be there for me, not just a little bit, but 110% always. I don't think I'm asking too much. In return I will give all the love I have in me, look pretty forever even when I'm sick and old (baring in mind beautys in the inside). I will bake, cook, clean, work hard, bare his children and learn to appoligise when I am wrong. I have more than enough personalities to keep a man satisfied, I am a good girlfriend, its just everyone I've been good to throws it back in my face.
I was a fab girlfriend to Luke, I travelled every fortnight to see him, I always looked no less than perfect for him, I left love notes all around his house, I taught him how to make crepes I listened to all his fucking God damn problems, I even gave him sex in the mornings.
So thats that well admitedly I wasn't so nice with 'Levi, I did try though, I used to be there for him everytime he tried to kill himself, I let him stay at mine when he wanted, I offered to wash his clothes for him, you know I can't write anymore about all this stuff it brings back too many memories and even now that I'm healing, it still hurts & honestly I'm not sure you ever complely 100% get over stuff like that. Its funny the way life works sometimes.
I was down London road this afternoon and I often like to reminise over things and study people. Well London Road has got the biggest load of junkies in probabaly the whole of Brighton, and I saw these 2 boys earlier, one of them was in his 20's maybe, not very old, walking around with his top off and his tag on show and clearly into heroin and it isn't just him I see young girls and other young boys on that stuff and it makes me feel sick, and not because I think its disgusting that the only way for any of them to cope is to stick needles and undobutedly they share sometimes I would imagine into their arms or wherever they can find a vein that hasn't collapsed yet but the fact that how sad it is that someone my age lives on the streets, or in a squat or where ever, somewhere not very nice I can imagine and to drink alcohol for breakfast and stick needles in themselves by lunch.
Its actually really sad, it makes me question how it all begun because not everyone who gets into that has had a bad up bringing, yes there are people out there, that have been brought up like that but take Joe, prime example, had a great mum, not sure about his dad, but she worked and he had 2 normal brothers and he ended up injecting himself, and I just think when does it get so bad that injecting yourself with this needle sounds like a great idea, if people just learnt to say no.
Most of them are lacking any sort of love and its sad, makes me cry to think about it, no ones born bad, everyone is just human at the end of the day, I guess I can't help everyone but its a damn shame.
I suppose thinking about all that I should feel lucky, I'm not addicted to heroin, I'm not addicted to smoking and I cured myself from alcoholism, so besides chocolate I'm OK. I might be ill now but at least I can lie in my bed, take vitimin suppliments, eat fruit and rest till I'm better. Remembering what you have got, instead of dwelling on what I haven't thats a lesson for me.
Peace out folks
xxxxxxxxxxxx
I will show you, you're so much better than you know
when your lost and you're alone and you can't get back again
I will find you darling and I will bring you home.
And if you want to cry
I am here to dry your eyes
and in no time you'll be fine.
You'd think I'd leave your side baby
you know me better than that
you think I'd leave you down when your down on your knees
I wouldn't do that.
I'll tell you you're right when you want
and if only you could see into me
oh when your cold I'll be there
hold you tight to me
oh when your low
I'll be there by your side.
I love this song its so I'm not sure of the word right now, maybe hits a nerve, well I'm ill and so I think its acceptable that my brain isn't functioning its usual healthyish way..
I wish I could say I have had many dramas but unfortunatly it would be a lie, there have been absolutly no man dramas, or dramas in general, well its no wonder I'm fucking ill, drama for me is like what heroin is for an addict. I just can't function without it.
Actually thats probabaly a load of bullshit, my lovely dhaling sister (becca) has been ill and now undobutedly passed it onto me, cheers love just what I wanted!
So I stupidly ignored it and went into Town today any way and then pretty much passed out from about 3.30pm till about 7.30pm. I then went down stairs (very slowly, I'm very weak) to attempt some dinner, to walk into mayhem, so sort of leak in the bathroom and now there is water dripping through the ceiling in the kitchen, oh fanfuckingfantastic, so I was waddling around in the dark because mum turned off the lights (mum already has the biggest paranoya about having a fire, things like this don't help). So the floors soaking wet, theres water dripping all over me and I'm attempting to re-heat my dinner in the dark ill, oh bloody brilliant. Any how I then got yelled at for not helping although clearly I'm in no fit state to be dealing with this meladrama in my condition. So I sit myself down on the sofa to watch eastenders and to attempt to drown out the palava, to then be shouted at half way through because apparently I'm taking over the lounge, well that was that I can't deal with being treated like shit at the best of times, but when I'm ill well its just so much worse. So I'm now hiding in my room feeling like shit alone, I did have a little cry too.
So its finally beginning to sink in that I am 100% single, for the 1st time in my life. Well maybe its not so bad, its something I have to deal with, I am learning slowly how to be single. I took my sorry little ass out for lunch yesterday, only to donatellos and it wasn't as bad as I thought, its a bit awkward saying table for one, just me, but then after a while its kind of ok. Like you don't have to watch some skanky guy eating his food, more to the point I didn't have to be really polite and worry about making a mess. You don't have to indulge in any shit conversations men like to talk about, or worry about bringing up something appripriate, there's none of that bullshit anxiety that I get for up to a week before meeting up with a guy, it was just peaceful, I didn't have to wait for anyone I took my time & left when I chose.
I think accepting that I'm single and embracing it as opposed to looking at it like a monster is definitly a good thing.
Men are bullshit anyhow, they only let you down in the end.
The main reason for today choice of song and I know I'm sort of going to contradict myself here, from the above statment (I'm British, thats what we do, contradict ourselves, are hypacrits & love to moan) but I kind of want a guy to be saying that to me, everything Sade is saying to (we can only presume a man) but who knows could be a friend, a sister, a daughter/son. I want a man who can catch me when I fall, who can be there for me, not just a little bit, but 110% always. I don't think I'm asking too much. In return I will give all the love I have in me, look pretty forever even when I'm sick and old (baring in mind beautys in the inside). I will bake, cook, clean, work hard, bare his children and learn to appoligise when I am wrong. I have more than enough personalities to keep a man satisfied, I am a good girlfriend, its just everyone I've been good to throws it back in my face.
I was a fab girlfriend to Luke, I travelled every fortnight to see him, I always looked no less than perfect for him, I left love notes all around his house, I taught him how to make crepes I listened to all his fucking God damn problems, I even gave him sex in the mornings.
So thats that well admitedly I wasn't so nice with 'Levi, I did try though, I used to be there for him everytime he tried to kill himself, I let him stay at mine when he wanted, I offered to wash his clothes for him, you know I can't write anymore about all this stuff it brings back too many memories and even now that I'm healing, it still hurts & honestly I'm not sure you ever complely 100% get over stuff like that. Its funny the way life works sometimes.
I was down London road this afternoon and I often like to reminise over things and study people. Well London Road has got the biggest load of junkies in probabaly the whole of Brighton, and I saw these 2 boys earlier, one of them was in his 20's maybe, not very old, walking around with his top off and his tag on show and clearly into heroin and it isn't just him I see young girls and other young boys on that stuff and it makes me feel sick, and not because I think its disgusting that the only way for any of them to cope is to stick needles and undobutedly they share sometimes I would imagine into their arms or wherever they can find a vein that hasn't collapsed yet but the fact that how sad it is that someone my age lives on the streets, or in a squat or where ever, somewhere not very nice I can imagine and to drink alcohol for breakfast and stick needles in themselves by lunch.
Its actually really sad, it makes me question how it all begun because not everyone who gets into that has had a bad up bringing, yes there are people out there, that have been brought up like that but take Joe, prime example, had a great mum, not sure about his dad, but she worked and he had 2 normal brothers and he ended up injecting himself, and I just think when does it get so bad that injecting yourself with this needle sounds like a great idea, if people just learnt to say no.
Most of them are lacking any sort of love and its sad, makes me cry to think about it, no ones born bad, everyone is just human at the end of the day, I guess I can't help everyone but its a damn shame.
I suppose thinking about all that I should feel lucky, I'm not addicted to heroin, I'm not addicted to smoking and I cured myself from alcoholism, so besides chocolate I'm OK. I might be ill now but at least I can lie in my bed, take vitimin suppliments, eat fruit and rest till I'm better. Remembering what you have got, instead of dwelling on what I haven't thats a lesson for me.
Peace out folks
xxxxxxxxxxxx
Monday, 11 June 2012
When the night has come, and the land is dark, and the moon is the only light we'll see, no I won't be afraid, no I won't be afraid, just as long as you stand, stand by me...
For once there is no particular reason for this song as a tittle, it just so happened to be playing on the radio & it is quite a nice song so I thought hey I'll use that, partly because its just gone midnight on a monday and I can't be dealing with thinking too much.
So its been a few weeks hasn't it, your probabaly thinking whats been going down in the last few weeks.
Well I haven't had sex so thats basically the majority of drama out the window already!
I did start seeing this guy James but I decided it would be better for me & him to be friends. I really need to be with someone who has got their feet on the ground. This is really tough for me because I'm attracted to guys with issues, but I usually get fed up with listening to them whine on after a couple weeks so really I should just cut the crap & not go down that road to begin with... hey I'm learning alright!!
Urgh so I made some decisions. Scary shit!
I've made the decision to stay living at home so I can carry on studying and do level 3 beauty therapy and then I will never have to do a totally shitty job that I hate ever again.. inititally thats the plan anyhow!!
Pretty big decision, along with the fact that I've decided I'm going to give blood & volunteer abroad for a week or 2 over the summer!
Pretty serious stuff!!
So on the topic of men:
Paul- he didn't buy me my wednesday hot chocolate the wednesday before last and then ignored my fb message which appoligised and wished him a good time for his trip to Egypt, wanker, I've gone off him now. Thats the problem with me, I like a guy but if nothing happens after a couple of weeks & there's not even a slight hint of anything happening I get bored and go elsewhere...
The boy AKA David, same story really its been way too long now blaintly nothing ever going to happen! Oh well his loss, wanker!
And well sorry to disapoint you but there is no other guys, well actually thats sort of a lie, there's a couple of guys that I might like but for the 1st time ever I'm not going to put it on here for reason to you that are unknown but I'm sure if you think long & hard enough you'll figure out why!
I've been seeing my mates a lot recently which is nice, not to mention that it was the Diamond jubilee last weekend which was ace I'm fucking proud to be British, we kick ass!!
So got to hang out with Princess Andrea this saturday and her plush new appartment, eating amazing food and genrally just being fabulous because we fucking rawwwwk!! mmm I love good food!!
Got to hang out with both my big sisters saturday night, their lovers, Kelly & Ant (our mutual friends) and not to mention Paul, how could I possibly forget Paul after passing out on the sofa with my face in his cock (such a classy lady). I got very drunk ha ha. I only ever really get drunk with my sisters, I hate getting pissed with boys because they always take advantage, or even worse, they don't take advantage! Plus they've got no mannors none of them hold my hair back when I'm being sick, how rude!
I don't like getting pissed infront of me pals either because I'm such a fucking liabilty. I always end up going back to some random guys house when am pissed with mates, whereas when I'm pissed with me sisters I bring a random guy back to ours, still at least they can keep an eye on me then and they know vaugley that I'm safe, not to mention my sisters are better judge of characters than me.. when I'm pissed at least. Guys always look more attractive when I'm pissed. ALWAYS!!
Any how I've had enough, its been a long day I'm tired and fed up I need my beauty sleep, especially with my exam tomorrow & my 1st makeup assessment ARGHHHHHH FUUCCCKKKK!!!!
Peace out
love love love
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
So its been a few weeks hasn't it, your probabaly thinking whats been going down in the last few weeks.
Well I haven't had sex so thats basically the majority of drama out the window already!
I did start seeing this guy James but I decided it would be better for me & him to be friends. I really need to be with someone who has got their feet on the ground. This is really tough for me because I'm attracted to guys with issues, but I usually get fed up with listening to them whine on after a couple weeks so really I should just cut the crap & not go down that road to begin with... hey I'm learning alright!!
Urgh so I made some decisions. Scary shit!
I've made the decision to stay living at home so I can carry on studying and do level 3 beauty therapy and then I will never have to do a totally shitty job that I hate ever again.. inititally thats the plan anyhow!!
Pretty big decision, along with the fact that I've decided I'm going to give blood & volunteer abroad for a week or 2 over the summer!
Pretty serious stuff!!
So on the topic of men:
Paul- he didn't buy me my wednesday hot chocolate the wednesday before last and then ignored my fb message which appoligised and wished him a good time for his trip to Egypt, wanker, I've gone off him now. Thats the problem with me, I like a guy but if nothing happens after a couple of weeks & there's not even a slight hint of anything happening I get bored and go elsewhere...
The boy AKA David, same story really its been way too long now blaintly nothing ever going to happen! Oh well his loss, wanker!
And well sorry to disapoint you but there is no other guys, well actually thats sort of a lie, there's a couple of guys that I might like but for the 1st time ever I'm not going to put it on here for reason to you that are unknown but I'm sure if you think long & hard enough you'll figure out why!
I've been seeing my mates a lot recently which is nice, not to mention that it was the Diamond jubilee last weekend which was ace I'm fucking proud to be British, we kick ass!!
So got to hang out with Princess Andrea this saturday and her plush new appartment, eating amazing food and genrally just being fabulous because we fucking rawwwwk!! mmm I love good food!!
Got to hang out with both my big sisters saturday night, their lovers, Kelly & Ant (our mutual friends) and not to mention Paul, how could I possibly forget Paul after passing out on the sofa with my face in his cock (such a classy lady). I got very drunk ha ha. I only ever really get drunk with my sisters, I hate getting pissed with boys because they always take advantage, or even worse, they don't take advantage! Plus they've got no mannors none of them hold my hair back when I'm being sick, how rude!
I don't like getting pissed infront of me pals either because I'm such a fucking liabilty. I always end up going back to some random guys house when am pissed with mates, whereas when I'm pissed with me sisters I bring a random guy back to ours, still at least they can keep an eye on me then and they know vaugley that I'm safe, not to mention my sisters are better judge of characters than me.. when I'm pissed at least. Guys always look more attractive when I'm pissed. ALWAYS!!
Any how I've had enough, its been a long day I'm tired and fed up I need my beauty sleep, especially with my exam tomorrow & my 1st makeup assessment ARGHHHHHH FUUCCCKKKK!!!!
Peace out
love love love
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