..ver you.
Thats my song right now by the nationals.
I don't so much as feel numb, I think I don't feel very alive though, need adrenalyn and alcohol and drugs won't do it. Not even self harming, maybe going on a motor bike 150 MPH or getting a tattoo, something that makes me feel alive.
I must be really fucking nieve, got back with Chris Monday because after he said he was leaving I realised that I still wasn't 100% sure what I wanted but I knew I didn't want him to leave! Then I realised I loved him. Will I ever be on the same page as a man? I can't seem to ever get it right.
He dumped me today, through text! 24 his junior and I had the balls to do it in person WHAT IS IT WITH YOU FUCKING MEN, WHY CAN'T YOU GROW SOME FUCKING BALLS AND DO IT FACE TO FACE AND YOU CALL YOURSELF MEN, WOMAN HAVE GOT BIGGER BALLS THAN MEN ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I'M SO ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!! I'm not sure if I'm angry or sad, or both.
He did it this morning, telling me some bullshit about me only wanting a part time relationship, yet he's the one who moved to Yorkshire!
*sighs*
I'm mystified I really am. You give men space you accuse them of only wanting to have a part time boyfriend. You don't always get to the phone or reply to a text straight away and we're "cheating". Yet you text them alot and want to see them alot and they accuse you of being crazy and needy. Man can I win?
No is the answer here. I don't want to just give up. I sat on the bus this morning and although it was busy I felt miles away, I have "big big world" playing by Emelia, and Bright eyes by whatsaface, song from watershipdown. any how I felt alone, even the woman sitting next to me got up and moved. I was trying so hard to swallow the tears. On the bus to me sisters I managed to distract myself with me book and for the rest of the day.
I then went and saw my mentor and she gave me lots of stuff to do and I was sitting thinking fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkk this is way too much work to do I thought thats what she was meant to be helping me with, anyhow so I came home and attempted to do it, getting more and more frustrated and then I cried and I kept on crying, I allowed my heart to break, or more to the point I accepted that my heart was broken, and that it is Diesels one year death anniversary and as usual I am running around trying to keep things together and fuck I fell apart, and I'm too ashamed to go to anyone so I just sit there alone with my arms hugging myself crying and its truly horrific that feeling where I swear I can actually feel my heart break!
You know think back to the blog that wrote just after I'd seen the phyciastrist you remember when I said he asked me "are you always terrified when in a relationship that he's going to leave you" do remember I wrote that and I said yes and he read me like a book. I've figured out why I feel like that its because they do. They all fucking leave me! I finally start to let my barriers down and let them in abit and start to feel the lonliness float away and then like a stab in the back they leave me and I'm alone again, like when I was little girl, this isn't a new feeling and if I can't even get my dad to stay then how can I get any man to stay and I want someone to stay and fight even when things get tough and no man ever does and, and is it so hard for someone to love me, am I that much of a unlovable person that someone doesn't want to stay and love me. I just go over and over in my head all the things he said and man after man, they seem to say all the right things but I'm beginning to realise they're just words empty words.
I'm sorry for being so morbid but my optimism has drowned.
Good night one and all, I hope your all safe tonight!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Monday, 16 January 2012
Friday, 6 January 2012
Better not look down, if you want to keep on flying. Put the hammer down, keep it full speed ahead. Better not look back or you might wind up crying..
...You can keep it moving if you don't look down.
Oh good old songs from Thelma and Lousie, now thats an oldie, Brad Pitt was 18 in that movie and he must be late 30's now so we're talking maybe 20 years ago... hm I was 2 20 years ago...
So here we are in 2012, the year that (and I know I say this at the beginning of every new year, but this time I really mean it) I swear down I will not fuck it up this time. I sort of feel like 2010 (which was the year I was 21) I went off the rails, slept with far too many pricks and had a nervous break down. 2011 the 1st half of the year was still about learning the hard way, and the 2nd half of 2011 was filling in the cracks and healing from the heart ache and pain and so this is going to be the year I really get back on me feet.
I have to say its sort of been abit of a shakey start, I broke up with Chris on the 2nd, and it was horrific, I wanted to be the big person so I did it in person and I cried for what felt like eternity and then I thought he was going to cry and that made me cry harder. Still I know deep down it was the right thing to do. Neither of us trusted each other and being 47 he's clearly an experienced head fuck, much more than me!!!
After watching Eastenders on new years day kind of made me have some perspective on life and the bigger picture. I sort of had an apiphany in the hour and 10 minutes it was on I cried from start to finish and it got me thinking about money and life. Also after watching series 4 of Secret Diary of a call girl and in the end she's pretty much Belle all the time and she choses her job (which initially is money and lies) over love, and I know I always go on about money being the only thing that lasts in the end because loving turns to leaving everytime but maybe that just means sexual relationships. After we all know sex changes everything. Any how when Pat was on her death bed she was surrounded by her family and her loved ones, and it got me thinking. I've always been adiment I never want children, partly because everyones fucked up and then they have kids and they put all their fucked upness onto their kids and then the children grow up to be fucked up and then we just end up in a world of fucked up people, but then maybe just maybe it doesn't have to be that way.
Yes I've done alot of fucked up things in my time that I ain't proud of but if I hadn't have done them I wouldn't be me, and do you know what after all the bullshit I've heard (from men and woman) I really couldn't give a flying fuck what say some skanky ex boyfriend/shag has to say about me, or what "Mr across the road" or his desperate mate has to say because in all honestly the only peoples opinions that count are the people that truly love me, me mates that will be there through everything, not the people that call themselves your mates yet only talk to you when its convienent for them or when they need something, but people who are genuine and in all honesty who gives a fuck what the rest of them have to say!
I don't hate myself any more, so what if not everything goes to plan, thats just life, and besides sometimes not everything is as you imagined... it's even better!!!
So forget all the ballshit, I don't want to die in a mansion alone and bitter. I want to die in a room full of people that love me even if I never learn to buy. You can't put a price on love!
So lets drink not because we want to get off our faces because of the state of the world but to celabrate the new year and to true friendships and true friendships last a lifetime, to people that are no longer with us due to unforseen circumstances, to being able to accept that its OK to make mistakes because we're all just humans at the end of the day and to my 23rd year coming up and who knows where this year will take me!
Love and peace to you all ...........
CHEERS *CLANKING OF GLASSES BANGING TOGETHER AS WE ALL DRINK TO THE NEW YEAR* WOW 2012 AYE ;-)
Oh good old songs from Thelma and Lousie, now thats an oldie, Brad Pitt was 18 in that movie and he must be late 30's now so we're talking maybe 20 years ago... hm I was 2 20 years ago...
So here we are in 2012, the year that (and I know I say this at the beginning of every new year, but this time I really mean it) I swear down I will not fuck it up this time. I sort of feel like 2010 (which was the year I was 21) I went off the rails, slept with far too many pricks and had a nervous break down. 2011 the 1st half of the year was still about learning the hard way, and the 2nd half of 2011 was filling in the cracks and healing from the heart ache and pain and so this is going to be the year I really get back on me feet.
I have to say its sort of been abit of a shakey start, I broke up with Chris on the 2nd, and it was horrific, I wanted to be the big person so I did it in person and I cried for what felt like eternity and then I thought he was going to cry and that made me cry harder. Still I know deep down it was the right thing to do. Neither of us trusted each other and being 47 he's clearly an experienced head fuck, much more than me!!!
After watching Eastenders on new years day kind of made me have some perspective on life and the bigger picture. I sort of had an apiphany in the hour and 10 minutes it was on I cried from start to finish and it got me thinking about money and life. Also after watching series 4 of Secret Diary of a call girl and in the end she's pretty much Belle all the time and she choses her job (which initially is money and lies) over love, and I know I always go on about money being the only thing that lasts in the end because loving turns to leaving everytime but maybe that just means sexual relationships. After we all know sex changes everything. Any how when Pat was on her death bed she was surrounded by her family and her loved ones, and it got me thinking. I've always been adiment I never want children, partly because everyones fucked up and then they have kids and they put all their fucked upness onto their kids and then the children grow up to be fucked up and then we just end up in a world of fucked up people, but then maybe just maybe it doesn't have to be that way.
Yes I've done alot of fucked up things in my time that I ain't proud of but if I hadn't have done them I wouldn't be me, and do you know what after all the bullshit I've heard (from men and woman) I really couldn't give a flying fuck what say some skanky ex boyfriend/shag has to say about me, or what "Mr across the road" or his desperate mate has to say because in all honestly the only peoples opinions that count are the people that truly love me, me mates that will be there through everything, not the people that call themselves your mates yet only talk to you when its convienent for them or when they need something, but people who are genuine and in all honesty who gives a fuck what the rest of them have to say!
I don't hate myself any more, so what if not everything goes to plan, thats just life, and besides sometimes not everything is as you imagined... it's even better!!!
So forget all the ballshit, I don't want to die in a mansion alone and bitter. I want to die in a room full of people that love me even if I never learn to buy. You can't put a price on love!
So lets drink not because we want to get off our faces because of the state of the world but to celabrate the new year and to true friendships and true friendships last a lifetime, to people that are no longer with us due to unforseen circumstances, to being able to accept that its OK to make mistakes because we're all just humans at the end of the day and to my 23rd year coming up and who knows where this year will take me!
Love and peace to you all ...........
CHEERS *CLANKING OF GLASSES BANGING TOGETHER AS WE ALL DRINK TO THE NEW YEAR* WOW 2012 AYE ;-)
Monday, 26 December 2011
You don't know where we go, you don't know that we're angels with dirty faces in the morning, you don't know we've been on the Town low....
That song totally sums up me child hood... Ok adolecent years, all the times I lied, when danger meant excitment and breaking the rules was my greatest pleasure in life, before I quite understood the meaning of responsability, consequences and had no conscience at all I never used to feel guilty... Well that part may not have changed much, I dunno I occasionly feel guilty, but rarley!
So Boxing day aye, well being the "mug" if you like that I am I got back with Chris for him to break up with me on Christmas day, and they say they ain't scum??? Fuck it, tis his loss right? You know what I ain't even going to think about it! His number is deleted from me phone, texts and phone calls blocked!!!
So I survived Christmas day can you believe its virtually another year over? Starting to panic abit now, times going too fast and I wish I could grab it and prolong it abit. Still I guess if I'm not where I want to be by the age of 30 I'll just keep celebrating me 30th birthday until I am where I want to be at 30... Ok that kind of doesn't make sense.. but then do I ever and does anything ever really make sense anyhow???
So before I go into my little rant on men on politics on critism and how its all bullshit I shall reveal Princess Elle's fabulous presents...
I got a cocktail set with an ice crusher... what do you expect I'm cosmapolitan darling...
I got fake pink eye lashes, pretty standard for a princess, don't you think...
I got a beautiful poem written about me by my darling sister, framed and everything...
The best calender from me other sis, feminists would love this..
shampoo, conditioner and tooth paste in my stocking, cheers santa darling what are you trying to tell me aye...
A candle from me mom, thats a given she tells me off all year for borrowing hers and then buys me one for christmas every year without fail.
6 Barry M nail varish ... as said previously my future hubby ;-), a score, £30 gift voucher for Debenhams from me step Dad, £15 for amazon, a beautiful princess dress from princess Andrea...
I think thats it... did I mention I suffer from memory loss frequently.
one packet of ciggies and 2 bottles of mulled wine and I made it whoop whoop!!!!!!!!!!
So critism, and construtive critism, darling its bollocks whether you sugarcoat it or not, its still critism which is basically just way to bully someone in the long run... take raquel sitting infront of me telling me my dress sense is "inappropriate" because there're 14 year old boys in the college ha ha I could teach them a thing or 2! (thats a joke, I ain't a pedaphile, 16+ please). Anyhow ever noticed how its dogs who tell you your ugly or your clothes are too progative, and as said so many times before if boys can't contain their errections because I'm wearing a short skirt or a low cut top that ain't my problem... Any how whether you say some thing like: Love you can't sing get off the fucking stage or : hm maybe singing isn't for you why don't you focus more on your art work. Doesn't matter mate its still critism so cut the bullshit with all this constructive crap and get to the point yeah...
So mini rant over... next.............
MEN/POLITICS... sort of / POWER...
So I may only be 22 but I've been with alot of men and even the men I haven't been with I've had the oppertunity to observe and analyse and I have discoverd that as you know we're living in a fast moving world, well at least we are when it comes to technolagy, there's only a matter of time before they invent a flying car... infact I think that may already be on the horizan, you don't physically need to have sex with a man these days to get knocked up as it were you can just nip down to your local sperm bank (yes yes I know it probabally isn't as simple as popping to sainsburys but in a matter of speaking you know what I mean) so how long before we don't need men at all... Afterall we don't exactly need men for the money anymore or for the healthcare or anything for that matter, there are woman in the Army, woman doctors, and more and more woman are getting into the trade industry, most of us have a basic knowledge of DIY and its on the increase every day. We certainly don't need men to make us come, vibrators will do the job every single time (which is more than I can say for a man) and it will never answer back, it will never try it on when your not in the mood and continue to pester you until in the end you give in because its more hassel than its worth. If it runs out of batteries you can just stick it on charge and it'll always be there, because sex sells and as long as sex sells your always have your orgasm as a matter of speaking anyhow.
These days woman are the mothers and fathers. In my opinion men are dying out, so is it any wonder why they behave the way they do. Woman hold 90% of the power whether as a man you chose to accept this or be in complete denial, but either way it is true! We no longer live in a mans world, this is definitly a womans world whether the stupid cunt David what-so-face says so or not, blow up the house of Parliment, they're all a bunch of ignorent, wankers anyhow, and they can shove their "democracy" up their arse, because clearly the pricks have no idea of the meaning. Here have your say, but we'll do what we want anyhow so up yours, ha ha no mate up yours, Bleeding heck I could teach them a thing or 2 .....
Men are the insecure ones and yes I know what your thinking if its a womans world then how come there are still so little numbers of woman in the house of Parliement... Well the answer is this;
It is a womans world but woman are still learning how much power they actually have and because of what we're told and how we've been brought up for years and its basically all been drummed into our heads ever since we can remember that woman stay at home and bring up the kids whilst the husband goes to work, well look how much that has changed round in the last 10 years, and I think that actually men have managed to convice us for so many years that they're the ones that need to be in control because we're a mess when actually, and correct me if I'm wrong is it not men these days that are still partying hard till they're 40 and taking loads of drugs constantly chopping and changing their minds, blag up the size of their cocks (and then your like hold on... where is it, no really where...) blag up how many women they're slept with (which guarenteed is at least half of what they say) and you've all heard that bull shit line of I'll take you places you've never been before, or I'll show you what sex with a real man is like, and then you sit there and your thinking wow sex with a real man is shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittttttttttt!!!!!
So I figure that more and more I realising just how much power they have and men, as stupid as they might be, have cottoned onto this and are absolutly terrified understandably, they should be! So this explains it a little bit, woman are the ones that know what they want and nothing is the limit these days and as time goes by we (as in woman) will realise this more and more and tehy will use it, so heres a little bit of advice to you men out there, I would stop telling your lover/ wife/ bit on the side or whoever they've got problems cuz I can assure you mate someones got problems but it deffinitly ain't our gender... I would like to finish with a quote from me new calender (definitly a great start for 2012). As you all know I'm not a great fan of animals even though yes I am a vegetarian but this has to be said...
"Every woman should have four pets in her life: a mink in her closet, a Jaguar in her garage, a rabbit in her bed (a rampant) and a Jackass who pays for everything".
Peace out me lovers and followers xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
So Boxing day aye, well being the "mug" if you like that I am I got back with Chris for him to break up with me on Christmas day, and they say they ain't scum??? Fuck it, tis his loss right? You know what I ain't even going to think about it! His number is deleted from me phone, texts and phone calls blocked!!!
So I survived Christmas day can you believe its virtually another year over? Starting to panic abit now, times going too fast and I wish I could grab it and prolong it abit. Still I guess if I'm not where I want to be by the age of 30 I'll just keep celebrating me 30th birthday until I am where I want to be at 30... Ok that kind of doesn't make sense.. but then do I ever and does anything ever really make sense anyhow???
So before I go into my little rant on men on politics on critism and how its all bullshit I shall reveal Princess Elle's fabulous presents...
I got a cocktail set with an ice crusher... what do you expect I'm cosmapolitan darling...
I got fake pink eye lashes, pretty standard for a princess, don't you think...
I got a beautiful poem written about me by my darling sister, framed and everything...
The best calender from me other sis, feminists would love this..
shampoo, conditioner and tooth paste in my stocking, cheers santa darling what are you trying to tell me aye...
A candle from me mom, thats a given she tells me off all year for borrowing hers and then buys me one for christmas every year without fail.
6 Barry M nail varish ... as said previously my future hubby ;-), a score, £30 gift voucher for Debenhams from me step Dad, £15 for amazon, a beautiful princess dress from princess Andrea...
I think thats it... did I mention I suffer from memory loss frequently.
one packet of ciggies and 2 bottles of mulled wine and I made it whoop whoop!!!!!!!!!!
So critism, and construtive critism, darling its bollocks whether you sugarcoat it or not, its still critism which is basically just way to bully someone in the long run... take raquel sitting infront of me telling me my dress sense is "inappropriate" because there're 14 year old boys in the college ha ha I could teach them a thing or 2! (thats a joke, I ain't a pedaphile, 16+ please). Anyhow ever noticed how its dogs who tell you your ugly or your clothes are too progative, and as said so many times before if boys can't contain their errections because I'm wearing a short skirt or a low cut top that ain't my problem... Any how whether you say some thing like: Love you can't sing get off the fucking stage or : hm maybe singing isn't for you why don't you focus more on your art work. Doesn't matter mate its still critism so cut the bullshit with all this constructive crap and get to the point yeah...
So mini rant over... next.............
MEN/POLITICS... sort of / POWER...
So I may only be 22 but I've been with alot of men and even the men I haven't been with I've had the oppertunity to observe and analyse and I have discoverd that as you know we're living in a fast moving world, well at least we are when it comes to technolagy, there's only a matter of time before they invent a flying car... infact I think that may already be on the horizan, you don't physically need to have sex with a man these days to get knocked up as it were you can just nip down to your local sperm bank (yes yes I know it probabally isn't as simple as popping to sainsburys but in a matter of speaking you know what I mean) so how long before we don't need men at all... Afterall we don't exactly need men for the money anymore or for the healthcare or anything for that matter, there are woman in the Army, woman doctors, and more and more woman are getting into the trade industry, most of us have a basic knowledge of DIY and its on the increase every day. We certainly don't need men to make us come, vibrators will do the job every single time (which is more than I can say for a man) and it will never answer back, it will never try it on when your not in the mood and continue to pester you until in the end you give in because its more hassel than its worth. If it runs out of batteries you can just stick it on charge and it'll always be there, because sex sells and as long as sex sells your always have your orgasm as a matter of speaking anyhow.
These days woman are the mothers and fathers. In my opinion men are dying out, so is it any wonder why they behave the way they do. Woman hold 90% of the power whether as a man you chose to accept this or be in complete denial, but either way it is true! We no longer live in a mans world, this is definitly a womans world whether the stupid cunt David what-so-face says so or not, blow up the house of Parliment, they're all a bunch of ignorent, wankers anyhow, and they can shove their "democracy" up their arse, because clearly the pricks have no idea of the meaning. Here have your say, but we'll do what we want anyhow so up yours, ha ha no mate up yours, Bleeding heck I could teach them a thing or 2 .....
Men are the insecure ones and yes I know what your thinking if its a womans world then how come there are still so little numbers of woman in the house of Parliement... Well the answer is this;
It is a womans world but woman are still learning how much power they actually have and because of what we're told and how we've been brought up for years and its basically all been drummed into our heads ever since we can remember that woman stay at home and bring up the kids whilst the husband goes to work, well look how much that has changed round in the last 10 years, and I think that actually men have managed to convice us for so many years that they're the ones that need to be in control because we're a mess when actually, and correct me if I'm wrong is it not men these days that are still partying hard till they're 40 and taking loads of drugs constantly chopping and changing their minds, blag up the size of their cocks (and then your like hold on... where is it, no really where...) blag up how many women they're slept with (which guarenteed is at least half of what they say) and you've all heard that bull shit line of I'll take you places you've never been before, or I'll show you what sex with a real man is like, and then you sit there and your thinking wow sex with a real man is shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittttttttttt!!!!!
So I figure that more and more I realising just how much power they have and men, as stupid as they might be, have cottoned onto this and are absolutly terrified understandably, they should be! So this explains it a little bit, woman are the ones that know what they want and nothing is the limit these days and as time goes by we (as in woman) will realise this more and more and tehy will use it, so heres a little bit of advice to you men out there, I would stop telling your lover/ wife/ bit on the side or whoever they've got problems cuz I can assure you mate someones got problems but it deffinitly ain't our gender... I would like to finish with a quote from me new calender (definitly a great start for 2012). As you all know I'm not a great fan of animals even though yes I am a vegetarian but this has to be said...
"Every woman should have four pets in her life: a mink in her closet, a Jaguar in her garage, a rabbit in her bed (a rampant) and a Jackass who pays for everything".
Peace out me lovers and followers xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Wednesday, 14 December 2011
Love is in the air in the wisper of the tree, love is in the air in the thunder of the sea...
What a lovely song, feeling and thought too. Love is everywhere, and yes, I have fallen head over heels in love, and I tell you what its amazing, but there is a bit of me that is terrified, and thats part of the illness playing apart here, because we've barley been together 5 minutes and it isn't official until Friday anyhow for obvious reasons, but I am so scared of him leaving me! There we have it, from the phyciatrist himself; "Every time your with some one are you terrified of them leaving you". Course I fucking am, just look at the odds, everyone I've ever loved has left me, it may not be a conscience thing right now but its getting there... very slowly.
Now this may make you feel sick (and this is rich coming from a cynic) but he's the 1st man I've actually felt 100% safe with, I don't feel like he's only after sex and I ain't worried that if I say no to something he's going to get angry and go ahead and just rape me, or take it anyhow. He's the 1st man who truly appriciates me. I never have to worry about him driving off and leaving me, stealing from me, raising his hand to me. Its just when I'm with him its like another world. I forget about the shit that has and is happening and its that feeling the warms the bottom of your heart. The more he says the more I fall in love with him. He just makes so much sense, unlike all the ridiculous wankers I've been out with who literally chat shit for hours, everything he says has meaning. He always opens doors for me and he tells me I look nice every day and when he kisses me I just melt, and I just want to cry and laugh at the same time because I'm falling more and more in love with him every minute I spend with him and yet I'm terrified because I can't help sooner or laters he's going to realise I haven't exactly much to offer and he'll leave me. Oh man I love the way that when I talk he really looks into my eyes and listens. You know I've never had that I don't think from anyone.
He's going back to Yorkshire on Friday for 2 weeks and I'm dreading it, I know we still got the phone but it isn't the same.
Then there's that one more thing that makes me worry and that is this fucked up judmental world we live in. I know for a fact that he will get stick for it because of his age, and it does my nut because why should we have to put up with what other people think. I know exactly what people will say. They'll say he's a pervert and only after my body and that I'm nieve, and do you know what maybe a few years ago yes, but I'm not as nieve as people think and it pisses me off that there always seems to be someone that ain't happy with my decision and then my happiness gets jeprodised! Well tell you what not this time! If I want to be with him, then I'll jolly well be with him, I'm almost 23 years old. A grown woman, I don't have to answer to anyone.
Fuck it am so tired need sleep!!!!!!!!!!!!
Peace out
xxxxxxxxxx
Now this may make you feel sick (and this is rich coming from a cynic) but he's the 1st man I've actually felt 100% safe with, I don't feel like he's only after sex and I ain't worried that if I say no to something he's going to get angry and go ahead and just rape me, or take it anyhow. He's the 1st man who truly appriciates me. I never have to worry about him driving off and leaving me, stealing from me, raising his hand to me. Its just when I'm with him its like another world. I forget about the shit that has and is happening and its that feeling the warms the bottom of your heart. The more he says the more I fall in love with him. He just makes so much sense, unlike all the ridiculous wankers I've been out with who literally chat shit for hours, everything he says has meaning. He always opens doors for me and he tells me I look nice every day and when he kisses me I just melt, and I just want to cry and laugh at the same time because I'm falling more and more in love with him every minute I spend with him and yet I'm terrified because I can't help sooner or laters he's going to realise I haven't exactly much to offer and he'll leave me. Oh man I love the way that when I talk he really looks into my eyes and listens. You know I've never had that I don't think from anyone.
He's going back to Yorkshire on Friday for 2 weeks and I'm dreading it, I know we still got the phone but it isn't the same.
Then there's that one more thing that makes me worry and that is this fucked up judmental world we live in. I know for a fact that he will get stick for it because of his age, and it does my nut because why should we have to put up with what other people think. I know exactly what people will say. They'll say he's a pervert and only after my body and that I'm nieve, and do you know what maybe a few years ago yes, but I'm not as nieve as people think and it pisses me off that there always seems to be someone that ain't happy with my decision and then my happiness gets jeprodised! Well tell you what not this time! If I want to be with him, then I'll jolly well be with him, I'm almost 23 years old. A grown woman, I don't have to answer to anyone.
Fuck it am so tired need sleep!!!!!!!!!!!!
Peace out
xxxxxxxxxx
Wednesday, 7 December 2011
I'm here to remind you of the mess you made when you went away...
Love Alanis Morrisette proper legend!
I wish I could say this was going to be a happy blog, and if I'd written yesterday, when I couldn't control my smile then yeah perhaps it would have been. It ain't yesterday though its today and apparently within 24 hours your life can go from looking pretty good to hell!
So lets start with some positive things... at least one positive thing at least! Got me test reults and ... I DO NOT HAVE HEPITIUS B WHOOOOOOOP WHOOOOOOOOP!!!
Thats your lot.
So you want to know whats happened?
Well I'll tell you the Princes Trust course is a fucking joke!!!
The teachers are a joke!
The college is a joke!
The course is a joke!
And the best bit is that I'm a joke too!
According to Raquel and Charlotte I have no respect for any one on the course!!!!! I'm truly speecheless!! Please define respect for me? Yes maybe I did moan about playing games that 5 year olds play WHEN I HAVE FUCKING SHIT LOADS OF FUCKING LEVEL 2 WORK TO DO THAT I'VE HAD TO ATTEMPT IN 3 WEEKS BECAUSE DESPITE THE FACT THAT I'VE BEEN ASKING TO DO LEVEL 2 SINCE DAY ONE AND EVERY DAY THEN ON IN, RAQUEL DIDN'T GIVE ME THE CRITERIA TILL 3 WEEKS BEFORE THE FUCKIGN END OF THE FUCKING COURSE! PLEASE TELL ME WAS IT NOT ME WHO STAYED LATE EVERY DAY TO ATTEMPT TO DO IT WHEN RAQUEL WAS MEANT TO BE GIVING ME TIME IN CLASS TO DO IT!!!!!!!! IS IT NOT CHRIS WHO GIVES UP HIS SPARE TIME TO HELP ME COMPLETE IT WHEN HE DOESN'T EVEN TEACH THE FUCKING STUPID COURSE!
IS IT NOT ME WHO STAYS UP TILL 2AM BAKING CAKES FOR THE TEAM AND FOR THE STUPID TEAM CHALLANGE THAT I DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO DO IN THE 1ST FUCKING PLACE BUT CLEARLY NO ONE RESPECTS ME BY THE FACT THAT TEHY DIDN'T EVEN LISTEN TO THE FACT THAT I DIDN'T WANT TO WORK WITH CHILDREN AND HAVE NO IDEA STILL WHY BECAUSE THEY NEVER FUCKING ASKED!
IS IT NOT ME WHO SWAM 70 LEGTHS TO TRY AND RAISE MONEY. IS IT NOT ME WHO GOES OUT OF ME WAY IN AND OUT OF COLLEGE TO HELP OTHER TEAM MEMBERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
RESPECT MATE DON'T EVEN FUCKING GO THERE!
UNLIKE ALL OF THE SO CALLED BRILLIANT TEACHERS I LEAVE ALL MY SHIT HERE AND ARINA BRINGING UP DIVORCE WHICH CAN I JUST ADD IS NOTHING TO DO WITH OUR FUCKING CORSE ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! DO NOT CHAT SHIT ABOUT SOMETHING YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT! YEAH MY PARENTS ARE DIVORCED AND I'LL ALWAYS BLAME MESELF BEING THE LAST CHILD AN ALL AND DESPITE WHAT PEOPLE SAY NOTHING WILL EVER CHANGE THAT BUT DO NOT FUCKING BRING UP 3 WEEKS BEFORE CHRISTMAS STUPID FUCKING CUNT!
LITTLE GIRLS MAKING UP LIES ITS PATHETIC!
ONE SMALL INCCINENT AND I KNOW LETS CALL THE FILTH TOO SHALL WE WHILST WE'RE AT IT, GET THEIR INPUT!
DON'T GIVE ME YOUR BULLSHIT LIES AND EXSCUSES BECAUSE I'VE BEEN IN SITUATIONS WHERE I GENRALLY DON'T KNOW IF I'M GOING TO MAKE IT OUT IT OUT ALIVE, I'VE BEEN IN THE SITUATION WHERE I'VE BEEN IN THE FUCKING WOODS AND BEEN SO SCARED YOU DON'T EVEN WANT TO BREATH, WHERE SOMEONE STANDS THERE AND FORCES YOU TO KISS THEM AND YOUR TRYING TO GET AWAY BUT YOUR WHOLE BODIES PARALYSED WITH FEAR! I'VE BEEN IN THE SITUATION WHERE SOMEONES TRIED TO RAPE ME, I'VE BEEN IN THE SITUATION WHERE I'VE HAD TO SLEEP WITH MEN FOR MONEY JUST SO I DON'T END UP ON THE STREETS, I'VE BEEN IN THE SITUATION WHERE SOMEONE HITS YOU AND THEN SOMEHOW YOU END UP BEING THE ONE THATS APPOLIGISING, I'VE BEEN IN THE SITUATION WHERE THINGS ARE SO FUCKING UGLY THAT DEATH ACTUALLY SEEMS LIKE TOTAL BLISS, I'VE BEEN IN THE SITUATION WHERE I KNOW THAT MY DAD HAS THE CHOICE TO BE IN MY LIFE AND ISN'T! I HAVE TO LIVE WITH THAT FOR EVER!
I HAVE TO LIVE WITH THE FACT THAT NO MATTER HOW FUCKING HARD YOU TRY NOTHING WILL EVER BE GOOD ENOUGH!
ON TOP OF THAT I HAVE TO SPEND MY LIFE LOOKING OVER MY SHOULDER INCASE THERE'S SOMEONE BEHIND ME WHO WANTS TO STAB ME BECAUSE OF ONE STUPID MISTAKE I MADE ONCE!
I HAVE TO CONSTANTLY TRY AND STAY SOBER, WHICH I SHOULD PROBABALLY POINT OUT THAT RIGHT NOW I AM NOT, AND UNDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES I THINK THATS EVER SO SLIGHTLY JUSTIFIABLE.
I HAVE TO LIVE WITH THE FACT THAT I HAVE GOT BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER AND BECAUSE OF THAT AND ALL THE SHIT I'VE BEEN THROUGH I'LL PROBABLLY NEVER BE WITH A GUY FOR LONGER THAN 6 MONTHS SO I'M SO FUCKING SORRY IF RIGHT NOW I SAY SOMETHING OUT OF TURN LIKE FUCK OFF YOU STUPID CUNT YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT RESPECT MEANS!
THE COURSE IS A JOKE AND IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT ANYONE SAYS NOW I'M WELL AND TRULY PAST MY LIMITS AND I AIN'T GOING BACK!
I TELL YOU SOME THING LITTLE MISS PATRONISING I WALKED DOWN TO THE MARINA TO GET THE 12 TO ME SISTERS EARLIER AND I LOOKED OVER THE BRIDGE AT THE MARINA WALL AND I THOUGHT TO MYSELF CAN I JUST JUMP UP OFF NOW BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE!
SO YOU WANT TO CALL SOME ONE A BULLY LOOK IN THE MIRROR DARLING!
SO NOW I WON'T EVEN GET CHRIS (MR LOVER LOVER) CUZ I'VE QUIT COLLEGE AND FUCK IT WHAT WOULD HE WANT WITH ME ANY WAY I'M JUST A STUPID FUCKED UP BIMBO.
NUFF SAID !
SORRY FOR THE BLUNTNESS BUT I'M DRUNK AND CRAZY!
I wish I could say this was going to be a happy blog, and if I'd written yesterday, when I couldn't control my smile then yeah perhaps it would have been. It ain't yesterday though its today and apparently within 24 hours your life can go from looking pretty good to hell!
So lets start with some positive things... at least one positive thing at least! Got me test reults and ... I DO NOT HAVE HEPITIUS B WHOOOOOOOP WHOOOOOOOOP!!!
Thats your lot.
So you want to know whats happened?
Well I'll tell you the Princes Trust course is a fucking joke!!!
The teachers are a joke!
The college is a joke!
The course is a joke!
And the best bit is that I'm a joke too!
According to Raquel and Charlotte I have no respect for any one on the course!!!!! I'm truly speecheless!! Please define respect for me? Yes maybe I did moan about playing games that 5 year olds play WHEN I HAVE FUCKING SHIT LOADS OF FUCKING LEVEL 2 WORK TO DO THAT I'VE HAD TO ATTEMPT IN 3 WEEKS BECAUSE DESPITE THE FACT THAT I'VE BEEN ASKING TO DO LEVEL 2 SINCE DAY ONE AND EVERY DAY THEN ON IN, RAQUEL DIDN'T GIVE ME THE CRITERIA TILL 3 WEEKS BEFORE THE FUCKIGN END OF THE FUCKING COURSE! PLEASE TELL ME WAS IT NOT ME WHO STAYED LATE EVERY DAY TO ATTEMPT TO DO IT WHEN RAQUEL WAS MEANT TO BE GIVING ME TIME IN CLASS TO DO IT!!!!!!!! IS IT NOT CHRIS WHO GIVES UP HIS SPARE TIME TO HELP ME COMPLETE IT WHEN HE DOESN'T EVEN TEACH THE FUCKING STUPID COURSE!
IS IT NOT ME WHO STAYS UP TILL 2AM BAKING CAKES FOR THE TEAM AND FOR THE STUPID TEAM CHALLANGE THAT I DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO DO IN THE 1ST FUCKING PLACE BUT CLEARLY NO ONE RESPECTS ME BY THE FACT THAT TEHY DIDN'T EVEN LISTEN TO THE FACT THAT I DIDN'T WANT TO WORK WITH CHILDREN AND HAVE NO IDEA STILL WHY BECAUSE THEY NEVER FUCKING ASKED!
IS IT NOT ME WHO SWAM 70 LEGTHS TO TRY AND RAISE MONEY. IS IT NOT ME WHO GOES OUT OF ME WAY IN AND OUT OF COLLEGE TO HELP OTHER TEAM MEMBERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
RESPECT MATE DON'T EVEN FUCKING GO THERE!
UNLIKE ALL OF THE SO CALLED BRILLIANT TEACHERS I LEAVE ALL MY SHIT HERE AND ARINA BRINGING UP DIVORCE WHICH CAN I JUST ADD IS NOTHING TO DO WITH OUR FUCKING CORSE ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! DO NOT CHAT SHIT ABOUT SOMETHING YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT! YEAH MY PARENTS ARE DIVORCED AND I'LL ALWAYS BLAME MESELF BEING THE LAST CHILD AN ALL AND DESPITE WHAT PEOPLE SAY NOTHING WILL EVER CHANGE THAT BUT DO NOT FUCKING BRING UP 3 WEEKS BEFORE CHRISTMAS STUPID FUCKING CUNT!
LITTLE GIRLS MAKING UP LIES ITS PATHETIC!
ONE SMALL INCCINENT AND I KNOW LETS CALL THE FILTH TOO SHALL WE WHILST WE'RE AT IT, GET THEIR INPUT!
DON'T GIVE ME YOUR BULLSHIT LIES AND EXSCUSES BECAUSE I'VE BEEN IN SITUATIONS WHERE I GENRALLY DON'T KNOW IF I'M GOING TO MAKE IT OUT IT OUT ALIVE, I'VE BEEN IN THE SITUATION WHERE I'VE BEEN IN THE FUCKING WOODS AND BEEN SO SCARED YOU DON'T EVEN WANT TO BREATH, WHERE SOMEONE STANDS THERE AND FORCES YOU TO KISS THEM AND YOUR TRYING TO GET AWAY BUT YOUR WHOLE BODIES PARALYSED WITH FEAR! I'VE BEEN IN THE SITUATION WHERE SOMEONES TRIED TO RAPE ME, I'VE BEEN IN THE SITUATION WHERE I'VE HAD TO SLEEP WITH MEN FOR MONEY JUST SO I DON'T END UP ON THE STREETS, I'VE BEEN IN THE SITUATION WHERE SOMEONE HITS YOU AND THEN SOMEHOW YOU END UP BEING THE ONE THATS APPOLIGISING, I'VE BEEN IN THE SITUATION WHERE THINGS ARE SO FUCKING UGLY THAT DEATH ACTUALLY SEEMS LIKE TOTAL BLISS, I'VE BEEN IN THE SITUATION WHERE I KNOW THAT MY DAD HAS THE CHOICE TO BE IN MY LIFE AND ISN'T! I HAVE TO LIVE WITH THAT FOR EVER!
I HAVE TO LIVE WITH THE FACT THAT NO MATTER HOW FUCKING HARD YOU TRY NOTHING WILL EVER BE GOOD ENOUGH!
ON TOP OF THAT I HAVE TO SPEND MY LIFE LOOKING OVER MY SHOULDER INCASE THERE'S SOMEONE BEHIND ME WHO WANTS TO STAB ME BECAUSE OF ONE STUPID MISTAKE I MADE ONCE!
I HAVE TO CONSTANTLY TRY AND STAY SOBER, WHICH I SHOULD PROBABALLY POINT OUT THAT RIGHT NOW I AM NOT, AND UNDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES I THINK THATS EVER SO SLIGHTLY JUSTIFIABLE.
I HAVE TO LIVE WITH THE FACT THAT I HAVE GOT BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER AND BECAUSE OF THAT AND ALL THE SHIT I'VE BEEN THROUGH I'LL PROBABLLY NEVER BE WITH A GUY FOR LONGER THAN 6 MONTHS SO I'M SO FUCKING SORRY IF RIGHT NOW I SAY SOMETHING OUT OF TURN LIKE FUCK OFF YOU STUPID CUNT YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT RESPECT MEANS!
THE COURSE IS A JOKE AND IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT ANYONE SAYS NOW I'M WELL AND TRULY PAST MY LIMITS AND I AIN'T GOING BACK!
I TELL YOU SOME THING LITTLE MISS PATRONISING I WALKED DOWN TO THE MARINA TO GET THE 12 TO ME SISTERS EARLIER AND I LOOKED OVER THE BRIDGE AT THE MARINA WALL AND I THOUGHT TO MYSELF CAN I JUST JUMP UP OFF NOW BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE!
SO YOU WANT TO CALL SOME ONE A BULLY LOOK IN THE MIRROR DARLING!
SO NOW I WON'T EVEN GET CHRIS (MR LOVER LOVER) CUZ I'VE QUIT COLLEGE AND FUCK IT WHAT WOULD HE WANT WITH ME ANY WAY I'M JUST A STUPID FUCKED UP BIMBO.
NUFF SAID !
SORRY FOR THE BLUNTNESS BUT I'M DRUNK AND CRAZY!
Sunday, 27 November 2011
Show me the way, take me to love ...
Right let me tell you a few facts about me... I hate not getting my own way, I am a pervert, I love tea out of bone china mugs (it just tastes better), I love cakes from cloud nine cupcake shop especially warmed up. I love lipstick, I love high heels, princess dresses, I hate bitchness and back stabbing, most of all I hate liars, simple as this if you have something to say about me, either come and say it to me face or heres an idea don't say it at all because believe me when I say I will always find out and when I do I will go mental! I don't love money, but I love what it can buy, I am currently cheating on fashion with furniture, I love Sex and the City like a religioun, sometimes I sit and cry for hours (yes for no reason). I am probabally the least judgmental person you'll meet! I am currently stalking a 51 year old college teacher and I really don't care if he's old enough to be me dad, I think he's hooooooooooooot!
Ok so your probabally like has Elle finally lost it... No and to be honest with you if your a big fan of me then really you shouldn't be so suprised that I'm stalking a guy because I'm always stalking guys and the fact that he's 51 well about a month ago I was trying to bed a 16 year old and I'm the one who dated a 40 year old when I was 17 so really don't be so shocked!
Any how I have 3 weeks till I can ask him out (thats when I finish college). Man I really miss just lying the arms of a man I truly trust and falling asleep and just knowing that even when I wake up in the middle of the night crying after having a really bad nightmare that I won't be alone...
God damn it why do I always have to fall for "Mr wrong". He's a blasted teacher at college so I got to wait till I finish and then he'll probabaly say no because honestly what would a 51 year old want with a 22 year old.... He's hardly going to be interested in me now is he.
The inevatable question your all thinking. Am I just looking for a father figure? Well perhaps subconciously but honestly I have no idea, wouldn't be suprised thanks to my so called fucking father I'll probabaly never have a healthy relationship EVER! Actually probabally to the point where he actually doesn't even deserve to be classed as a dad or a father. From now on if I need to refer to him I'll call him Rob (because thats his name, not even sure if he deserves even that much dignity, dickhead would be much more appropriate, although there are so many dickheads to speak of thats just going to get confusing).
I would like to say to every gal and boy who claims to be my friend right up to the point where they become involved (a relationship) and I have to be like hey I'm Elle, remember me you used you used to be me mate... Thats fine, but it is not OK to drop me and then pick me up again when it suits you. Just something I thought I'd make clear! I mean Jesus christ I thought I had no morals, but dropping your mates IS NOT OK!!! (Not even for someone great).
I'm unbelivably fed up with men who spend stupid amounts of time flirting outragiously with me and then acting like its all my head. Drop the act guys because I have the texts to prove it this time, so up your ziggy with the waah waah brush (If you haven't seen strinke, the movie, get off the bleeding interent and go watch it, amazing).
I'm fed up with again being skint, and being a fucking sponge (as in always having to pray that people might take pity on me and buy me a few drinks). Role on january when I can get a job!!
I'm going to bedforshire now good night all
love and peace to my faithful followers .........
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Ok so your probabally like has Elle finally lost it... No and to be honest with you if your a big fan of me then really you shouldn't be so suprised that I'm stalking a guy because I'm always stalking guys and the fact that he's 51 well about a month ago I was trying to bed a 16 year old and I'm the one who dated a 40 year old when I was 17 so really don't be so shocked!
Any how I have 3 weeks till I can ask him out (thats when I finish college). Man I really miss just lying the arms of a man I truly trust and falling asleep and just knowing that even when I wake up in the middle of the night crying after having a really bad nightmare that I won't be alone...
God damn it why do I always have to fall for "Mr wrong". He's a blasted teacher at college so I got to wait till I finish and then he'll probabaly say no because honestly what would a 51 year old want with a 22 year old.... He's hardly going to be interested in me now is he.
The inevatable question your all thinking. Am I just looking for a father figure? Well perhaps subconciously but honestly I have no idea, wouldn't be suprised thanks to my so called fucking father I'll probabaly never have a healthy relationship EVER! Actually probabally to the point where he actually doesn't even deserve to be classed as a dad or a father. From now on if I need to refer to him I'll call him Rob (because thats his name, not even sure if he deserves even that much dignity, dickhead would be much more appropriate, although there are so many dickheads to speak of thats just going to get confusing).
I would like to say to every gal and boy who claims to be my friend right up to the point where they become involved (a relationship) and I have to be like hey I'm Elle, remember me you used you used to be me mate... Thats fine, but it is not OK to drop me and then pick me up again when it suits you. Just something I thought I'd make clear! I mean Jesus christ I thought I had no morals, but dropping your mates IS NOT OK!!! (Not even for someone great).
I'm unbelivably fed up with men who spend stupid amounts of time flirting outragiously with me and then acting like its all my head. Drop the act guys because I have the texts to prove it this time, so up your ziggy with the waah waah brush (If you haven't seen strinke, the movie, get off the bleeding interent and go watch it, amazing).
I'm fed up with again being skint, and being a fucking sponge (as in always having to pray that people might take pity on me and buy me a few drinks). Role on january when I can get a job!!
I'm going to bedforshire now good night all
love and peace to my faithful followers .........
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sunday, 20 November 2011
Pre Christmas blues :-(
Sorry to be so fucking morbid (and to scare anyone who wasn't aware of this) but its 5 flippin' weeks till Christmas day today which means I have approxamatly 4 weeks 3 days to gain a boyfriend otherwise yet again its another fucking Christmas SINGLE and I can't cope, my shithole of a father has decided that he can't aford to buy me and me sisters presents this year, funny that, yet he can afford to run 2 cars, live in a mortgage free 3 double bedroom (one ensuite) luxurious show room house so heres to you dad GO FUCK YOURSELF! Seriously he's basically fucked up my entire life and now he's too fucking cheap to even bothering to buy me and me sisters prestents God he makes my blood boil just thinking about it!! Oh and whilst we're on the subject of my blood boiling flippin' Chris only asked me to write to him in prison, yes after everything you've read on here ladies and gentlemen can you believe it!
Ok Elle now breeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaathhhh!
*Elle takes big breath*
Nope fuck it I'm still mad, Ok thats all I will say on the matter, if I start ranting about it all I may never stop and then the whole world will be in trouble!!
Note to self, Self inflicted pain...
1) Blood test for Hepititus B- Never ever have unprotected sex EVER AGAIN.... Actually I change me mind, NEVER HAVE SEX AGAIN FULL STOP!
2) Period from hell- Never take a break from the pill periods arn't worth it, I'll deal with the consequences
3) Eye brow wax-Self inflicted!
Is it bad that I'm having a meladrama about the fact that I want to get my hair done, a hollywood wax (for those of you don't know a hollywood is every thing... yes all ya God damn pubes). My eyebrows tinted and a spray tan for my presentation on 16th December (after all Prince Harry could potentially be there) Whatever I need at least £60 and I'm sort of having a heart attack about it! God damn it!! Actually I need like £70 probabally! Fuck it, I'm on a serious hunt for a man now..
Oh and get this right stupid Nik... (yes there is no "C" in his name, kind of ironic really seeing as he is a cunt really) although the fact that he has no "C" in his name screams weirdo, should have known especially seeing as I met him through Ian (the alcoholic idiot that I once mistakenly went out with and what a mistake it was). Hmm me thinks I should stop meeting guys through ex's, good plan Elle...
So anyhows Nik and me sort of had a date... He took me to Asdas and bought me £20 worth of christmas decs (ready for Princess Elle's Christmas santa's grotto) and then I cooked him for dinner (which I would like to point out for 1) I actually let him round me house and I rarley invite boys to my place, partly cuz I can't deal with me mom and sis asking me 1000 and 1 questions the next day and partly cuz I never really how much you can trust those little rats with a penis AKA Men/boys/scumbags 2) because ... I've forgotten the 2nd reson so just because.... Oh hold on because I don't want a bunch of tramps turning up at me house...
Anyhow I never cook for guys cuz I just don't think they're worthy realyl of any of my time... OK so there are a few exceptions to the rules... don't get excited though, just a few...
Any how we watched "Get him to the Greek" the movie with Russell Brand who is fit fit and mmm more fit... Then he went home... at like 2am or whatever time it was... Then he bloody dumped me, little prick, I got dumped by someone I didn't even want to go out with FAN FUCKING TASTIC! Anyhow Right we was still meant to be mates.. I think and he picked me up from night school tuesday and then I wanted to take me to Ikea before christmas Day and he won't cuz he was going on about petrol being too much, and how he's got no money.
Its like what else is he going to do with him time, besides he always conveinietly has money for drugs and alcohol WANKER! Not finished just yet, we was having a row on the phone yesterday and then I accidently dropped the phone and it hung up on him so I thought "fuck it" I didn't bother ringing him back, if he can't be bothered to do me a favour I can't be arsed to waste my words of wisdom on him!!
However now that we're on the subject of men I would just like to have a little rant!
YOUR SHIT!
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Why do men have to be so crap! What is it about me and men aye the whole bullshit that I've been hearing since I was 13 ("I just don't want a girlfriend right now").... One month down the line they're with a girl who apparently are bosotted with and end up being together for 7 years, get married and have babies oh and then whoops, wasn't looking where he was going and smash gets hits by a bus... what a shame NOT! ARGHHHHHHHHH!!! Just fucking say it, I'm fed up with men having no balls, think I can't take it? I can!!!!
Yes guys you have to have the uncompfortable fucking break up conversation that goes something like this.......
Him: "Sorry Elle I just can't be with you any more"
Me: "Oh really whys that then, is it me"?
Him: "Honestly Elle, yes, I do really want a girlfriend but your just abit nuts and I don't think I can handle it for the long term, and I thought I'd end it before you get attached"
Me: "finished"?
Him: "Yes..."
Me: "good, you can fuck off now, let me tell you a little bit about me... Your cute, but I'll always be cuter NO MATTER WHAT I'll always be smarter and urm shit... is that the time, you better fuck off now my new dates going to be here in 5 mins, he's only 16, he's got a tighter arse and he can keep going for longer"..
Sorry couldn't resist the last bit...
Any how thats how it should go so please boys spare my feelings and GROW SOME FUCKING BALLS!
Besides all that Sean (my street mate) ain't even got time to meet up with me because he was shopping with some other bird GREAT! and I saw him, dressed up to the nines, he never dresses up to see me! :-(.
Not even Ian wants to go out with me anymore, FUCK thats when you know things are bad.
I've recently self diagnosed myself with overeating disorder cuz I can't stop eating cakes and genral crap, so am getting fatter by the minute...
I want to cry every time I look in the mirror cuz the wanker doctors made me change pills because I'd been on bloody Dianette too long and now my acne's come back so basically I look like one big fat giant zit and then I started thinking of Diesel (like I do every fucking sunday) DID I MENTION I HATE SUNDAYS!!
Yes I may sound like I am feeling sorry for myself, and thats probabaly because I am feeling sorry for meself...
It just feels like it doesn't seem to matter how nice I am, or however hard I work it never flippin' pays off and its just crap!
I feel like everything I do or say at the moment just seems to piss people off and everyones screening my calls, to the point where I rung Beau (the last guy I went out with).
Actually I'm so pissed off I've actually turned me phone off! (I only ever do that when I'm really fucking irrate) and I am...
I probably should say at this point I do have good times, I hope people aren't offended that all I do is rant, I have been enjoying all the events I've been going to with all me lovley mates and hope you don't think I'm an ungreatful little cow, its just I'm struggling at the moment!
Any hows I am going to leave you now with the thought of its amazing how much you seem to want something you can't have and for some reason seems so much more desirable... and I shall leave it there...
Peace out
love love love faithfull followers xxxx
Ok Elle now breeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaathhhh!
*Elle takes big breath*
Nope fuck it I'm still mad, Ok thats all I will say on the matter, if I start ranting about it all I may never stop and then the whole world will be in trouble!!
Note to self, Self inflicted pain...
1) Blood test for Hepititus B- Never ever have unprotected sex EVER AGAIN.... Actually I change me mind, NEVER HAVE SEX AGAIN FULL STOP!
2) Period from hell- Never take a break from the pill periods arn't worth it, I'll deal with the consequences
3) Eye brow wax-Self inflicted!
Is it bad that I'm having a meladrama about the fact that I want to get my hair done, a hollywood wax (for those of you don't know a hollywood is every thing... yes all ya God damn pubes). My eyebrows tinted and a spray tan for my presentation on 16th December (after all Prince Harry could potentially be there) Whatever I need at least £60 and I'm sort of having a heart attack about it! God damn it!! Actually I need like £70 probabally! Fuck it, I'm on a serious hunt for a man now..
Oh and get this right stupid Nik... (yes there is no "C" in his name, kind of ironic really seeing as he is a cunt really) although the fact that he has no "C" in his name screams weirdo, should have known especially seeing as I met him through Ian (the alcoholic idiot that I once mistakenly went out with and what a mistake it was). Hmm me thinks I should stop meeting guys through ex's, good plan Elle...
So anyhows Nik and me sort of had a date... He took me to Asdas and bought me £20 worth of christmas decs (ready for Princess Elle's Christmas santa's grotto) and then I cooked him for dinner (which I would like to point out for 1) I actually let him round me house and I rarley invite boys to my place, partly cuz I can't deal with me mom and sis asking me 1000 and 1 questions the next day and partly cuz I never really how much you can trust those little rats with a penis AKA Men/boys/scumbags 2) because ... I've forgotten the 2nd reson so just because.... Oh hold on because I don't want a bunch of tramps turning up at me house...
Anyhow I never cook for guys cuz I just don't think they're worthy realyl of any of my time... OK so there are a few exceptions to the rules... don't get excited though, just a few...
Any how we watched "Get him to the Greek" the movie with Russell Brand who is fit fit and mmm more fit... Then he went home... at like 2am or whatever time it was... Then he bloody dumped me, little prick, I got dumped by someone I didn't even want to go out with FAN FUCKING TASTIC! Anyhow Right we was still meant to be mates.. I think and he picked me up from night school tuesday and then I wanted to take me to Ikea before christmas Day and he won't cuz he was going on about petrol being too much, and how he's got no money.
Its like what else is he going to do with him time, besides he always conveinietly has money for drugs and alcohol WANKER! Not finished just yet, we was having a row on the phone yesterday and then I accidently dropped the phone and it hung up on him so I thought "fuck it" I didn't bother ringing him back, if he can't be bothered to do me a favour I can't be arsed to waste my words of wisdom on him!!
However now that we're on the subject of men I would just like to have a little rant!
YOUR SHIT!
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Why do men have to be so crap! What is it about me and men aye the whole bullshit that I've been hearing since I was 13 ("I just don't want a girlfriend right now").... One month down the line they're with a girl who apparently are bosotted with and end up being together for 7 years, get married and have babies oh and then whoops, wasn't looking where he was going and smash gets hits by a bus... what a shame NOT! ARGHHHHHHHHH!!! Just fucking say it, I'm fed up with men having no balls, think I can't take it? I can!!!!
Yes guys you have to have the uncompfortable fucking break up conversation that goes something like this.......
Him: "Sorry Elle I just can't be with you any more"
Me: "Oh really whys that then, is it me"?
Him: "Honestly Elle, yes, I do really want a girlfriend but your just abit nuts and I don't think I can handle it for the long term, and I thought I'd end it before you get attached"
Me: "finished"?
Him: "Yes..."
Me: "good, you can fuck off now, let me tell you a little bit about me... Your cute, but I'll always be cuter NO MATTER WHAT I'll always be smarter and urm shit... is that the time, you better fuck off now my new dates going to be here in 5 mins, he's only 16, he's got a tighter arse and he can keep going for longer"..
Sorry couldn't resist the last bit...
Any how thats how it should go so please boys spare my feelings and GROW SOME FUCKING BALLS!
Besides all that Sean (my street mate) ain't even got time to meet up with me because he was shopping with some other bird GREAT! and I saw him, dressed up to the nines, he never dresses up to see me! :-(.
Not even Ian wants to go out with me anymore, FUCK thats when you know things are bad.
I've recently self diagnosed myself with overeating disorder cuz I can't stop eating cakes and genral crap, so am getting fatter by the minute...
I want to cry every time I look in the mirror cuz the wanker doctors made me change pills because I'd been on bloody Dianette too long and now my acne's come back so basically I look like one big fat giant zit and then I started thinking of Diesel (like I do every fucking sunday) DID I MENTION I HATE SUNDAYS!!
Yes I may sound like I am feeling sorry for myself, and thats probabaly because I am feeling sorry for meself...
It just feels like it doesn't seem to matter how nice I am, or however hard I work it never flippin' pays off and its just crap!
I feel like everything I do or say at the moment just seems to piss people off and everyones screening my calls, to the point where I rung Beau (the last guy I went out with).
Actually I'm so pissed off I've actually turned me phone off! (I only ever do that when I'm really fucking irrate) and I am...
I probably should say at this point I do have good times, I hope people aren't offended that all I do is rant, I have been enjoying all the events I've been going to with all me lovley mates and hope you don't think I'm an ungreatful little cow, its just I'm struggling at the moment!
Any hows I am going to leave you now with the thought of its amazing how much you seem to want something you can't have and for some reason seems so much more desirable... and I shall leave it there...
Peace out
love love love faithfull followers xxxx
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