Friday, 9 August 2013

Oh I believe I am ready, for what love has to bring. Got myself together, now I'm ready to sing; I've been searchin' my soul tonight, I know there's so much more to life, now I know I can shine a light to find my way back home....

Well well well, I haven't blogged in oooh 6 months now.
For the average person I think that 6 months is usually pretty smooth and not a lot going on, but those of you who know me, will know that I'm far beyond the average lady and so 6 months for me is maybe equivalent to say 3 years in straight peoples lives (and by straight I don't mean gay/straight, I mean like "normal" people, but seeing as no one can yet define normal I stick to straight).

The title is the theme tune to Ally McBeal, which I love love love, maybe because I feel slightly less nuts after watching it, as Ally is more nutty than moi!
Plus the song is just one of those songs that makes you just want to do a little nutty dance and lucky for me its my ring tone so I get to do a nutty dance every time my phone rings ;-).

So your probabally wondering whats going down in the world of Princess Elle??
Well me and Chris are still together, can u believe it, 10 months in 8 days! This is a record for me, but for the 1st time in my life, I'm with a guy that catches me every time I fall.
Not to mention that our entire relationship has been tested pretty much from day one.
in the almost 10 months we've been together we've been thru more than some couples go through in about 10 years!
The point is though, we got through it.
So I left mums in May, and spent about 2 months homeless, do not fear though, I wasn't sleeping on the streets drinking and injecting drugs into my veins, I guess I could have gone down that road, but after recovering from alcoholism when I was 18 I didn't think going back down that road would be worth it!
So I decided to do everything I could to get a home as quickly as possible.
Luckily for me I have amazing mates who put me up. The amazing staff at St Pats let me stay a lot too with Chris, we didn't spend one night apart during those 2 months I think during those times I felt most vunrable of all and despite being ratty and grumpy, snapping easily and frequently telling Chris to fuck off and leave me alone, lukily for me, he didn't!
So every day I was on the internet on my phone searching and searching for flats that would accept housing benefit without a guarantor, shame my prick of a father manned up a bit and offered I wouldn't have been homeless for so long but hey I learnt a lot from being homeless!!!

So after losing the 1st flat we had lined up 10 days before we were meant to be moving in, well that was the worst by far!
After Chris took that call whilst we was packing my stuff up at my mums, my stomach knotted I felt dizzy and sick, my face prickled and tears came streaming out of my tear ducts, and for that moment the whole world just stopped and I felt like I'd been shot!
That was one of the worst days in the whole "being homeless malarkey".
Chris was so angry and I just couldn't stop crying. As much as I wanted to just scream and give up right there and then, there was a small voice at the back of my mind telling me that I can not give up.
So despite the fact that I was shaking and crying and was scared shitless, because without a home really what do you have?
Well luckily for me, I had love, love from my friends, love from Chris and love from my sisters and a hell of a lot of determination!
So every day I would ring and ring and ring number after number, we could view flat after flat after flat, being left disappointed every time!
Chris and I were arguing constantly, we was both so stressed and I was just so snappy all the time, couldn't think logically.
I got put into temporary accommodation after the rough sleepers team found me and verified me sleeping in a tent, felt like the longest night of my life!
Any how it was really shit, really really shit, but finally we found a flat, one landlord finally gave us a chance, despite having no guarantor and so now we've been in our flat for just over a month now and it is pure bliss!
Me and Chris rarely argue any more... at least not big ones, and we've really made the flat cosy and homely.
Its only our 1st home together but its ours and at the end of the day, if the world treated us cruel that day we can close the door on it and stay safe away from it in our home!

After all the bullshit I've been through in life, and after all the shit Chris has been through we've finally got the life we both deserve!
Great friends, a nice home, both enrolled to college in September (me doing l3 beauty and chris doing l2 catering). Despite the rocky start we look almost like every other ordinary couple now!

Although I think we can safely I am not ordinary lady!

Any how I guess my point is, its never too late, to change your life, and also, however shit life gets always remember your not alone, not really, there's always someone similar going through the same thing and with a bit of love and determination you can achieve anything!

Now only a few more months before I'll have a ring on my finger and start planning my wedding, and I cannot wait!

Peace out for now!

Saturday, 9 February 2013

Tell him that you're never gonna leave him, tell him that you're always gonna love him, tell him, tell him, tell him right now...

Exscuse the title been watching way too much Ally McBeal latley,

So what do you know I blink and before I know it we're in 2013, its about 3 weeks till I turn 24 and I have been in a relationship now for almost 4 months, yes thats right, just after I'd convinced myself I was destined to be alone forever and that I was no longer going to go looking for love, that I would be a born again virgin and probabaly die old and alone and people would whisper about me about being an old spinster (a little bit dramatic I know but that's me all over) I met Chris!

Well what can I say, always thought on the other hand if I did meet someone he would be called Chris, kind of enevitable me thinks...
Anyhow so life could almost be on track, I'm 6 lessons away from completing my Level 2 course in beauty therapy making me qualified in facials, makeup, tinting, waxing, manicures and pedicures, 2 volunteer jobs, a boyfriend who is not perfect but hey who is, however he is the best boyfriend I ever had! He loves me and that in itself is a miracle, because lets face it most of the guys I've been out with haven't even really liked me let alone loved me.
I am having a few problems coming to terms with it all still (christ how morbid do I sound, I'm writing as if someones died). Its sort of strange though because in some ways someone has, the old me has died, and I don't mean that in the respects that I have turned into a completly different person, I haven't, I'm still abit nuts, I still shout instead of talking, I still fancy myself a princess, love the colour pink, dressing up, dresses, tea, cupcakes, chic flicks, still a drama queen.... etc

What I mean is the me that 2 years ago who had no respect for herself, who would run about from place to to place chasing good for nothing egotistic wankers who were never going to be with me let alone commit has gone. I now have respect for myself, with still a long way to go on working on feeling less insecure and to gain more self esteem but I now don't take shit and am leaning further and further towards the kind of life I want to live which is something a couple of years ago I would not have thought possible.

Anyhow enough of the deep shit. We all want to know people are happy but there's a fine line between being happy and bragging, hopefully you realise I'm merley trying to put across to people that you can hit rock bottom, but with the right support, determinaton and will power you can turn your life around!

Anyhow so I passed 4 exams on tuesday night, and Chris had his last court case wednesday, and Becca & Iain moved out today so now I must leave all my hopefully trusty followers still following me despite the massive break. Off to make my dinner (homeade pizza) and the dull myself up for some celabratory drinks tonight because the stress ... is ... almost... over ha ha stress is the story of my life, and sometimes I think it keeps me going...

Peace out