Sunday, 20 May 2012

Yeah bad boys are always catching my eye, I said bad boys are always spinning my mind, even though I know they're no good for me, its the risk I take for the chemistry, with the bad boys always catching my eye.

Argh I wish it wasn't true!

You may be thinking *What the fuck is she talking about now* Well I'm 1) refering to the title that I am always attracted to bad boys even though I know they're bad for me and 2) I cannot live without a man, and no dis respect to any of my amazing friends and family, and college, and volunteering etc etc but life just isn't as fun without a project (also known as a man) to work on...

So lets summerise on the week...

Monday, back to A & E with my gawjuss sister who is still in pain (which totally sucks for her) although on the plus side she's lost loads of weight (maybe I need to have another tooth out, I'll be skinny again too that way..) any how went back to hers and then onto knitting class (I'm happy to announce that next  monday.. tomorrow I might finally finish my bag that I've been making so thats quite exciting..) had a session and then I have no idea another row with mother perhaps, followed by a bath that I didn't get to have last sunday due to.. well it doean't matter now, that was a week ago now..

Tuesday was well usual typical shitty tuesday, it has absolutly nothing going for it. I know I go to work and have college, but college just isn't the same at the moment not getting to work with Kelly which used to be the only thing I would really look forward to on tuesday because I used to love that we could give each other facials and doing each others eye treatments and was really looking forward to doing each others makeup but we're not allowed to work together at the moment so that sucks. Still only 2 more lessons till we're doing exams again so at least I get to work on people I know (as in mates and family).

Wedneday, well what can I say wednesday is the best day of the week right now because Paul works in the shop on wednesday and this week I think it moved up a notch, in the respect I got to touch him.. well sort of.. I found an un used bandage when I was rumaging through some donations. I persuaded him to let me bandage his arm, which means I got to touch his arm (yes it is sad but that was almost enough to make me horney). Any chance I get to be near him I'm on it. I swear when he was looking up pictures of Scarlett Johannson on his i phone or whatever it is I was so close to him looking at his phone to see if he'd found the right gal and I could feel my breath getting deeper and slower. Oh how I long for him to just kiss me, I bet he's an amazing kisser, its too much to even think about what he'd be like as a lover (as in sex).
Ok enough I can't think about this anymore, its been 3 weeks today seen I was last kissed, touched and laid so I just can't think, not to mention Pauls girlfriend is stunning and so there is no way he would risk doing anything with me! Not to mention they're going to Egypt next week or something fucking wanker, no ones taking me to fucking Egypt. I don't actually want to go to Egypt (especially this time of year) but it would be nice to have the option!!

Anyhow ended up going round this guys house wednesday evening, I've sort of known him for a few years, and so I bought a bottle of wine (of which I only had about 1 and half glasses of) and cake and then I fell asleep. NO I didn't sleep with him, I decided with him having 2 kids and living in Hove and not being able to committ to whatever the fuck it is I need (which I'm still deciding myself what that is). Any how I didn't stay I got a cab home about 2am, I just need my own bed, and being woken up by children at the crack of dawn is hardly my idea of fun!!

Thursday was dramaless too, I went to Jakes so at least it was good to catch up, but by thursday I was almost physically ill with the lack of excitment in my life.
Friday had amazing cake with Andrea at cloud 9 cannot be beaten, followed by really lush pub food in a pub near seven dials, good food and good company, how better to spend a friday night, ohhh and you'll all be pleased to know I now have my umbrella back (and noticed how it hasn't rained since friday typical).

Anyhow saturday was a good day (oh yes that was yesterday). My boots arrived in the post *Elle does a little happy dance and a little tune to go along with it * and then my DVD One day came *Elle does another little dance* and then off into Town to pick up my new dress (which potentially I could meet my future husband in, so could be a good investment in the long run). Met up with Rob, had lovely sandwiches from cream tea, and oh my fucking days, you see this is my fucking point, like you really give a shit about me having fucking nice sandwiches from cream tea, its bollocks, I'm scraping the bottle of the barrel here, there is no drama! I'm almost physically ill by the lack of drama!


I did however get things does saturday, including making some difficult decisions including staying at home so I can do level 3, it isn't ideal but when I move out next time I want it to be for the last time and I'd rather be in a job that I enjoy as opposed to social suicide (a shitty 9-5 job where you have to deal with dickhead managers all day who don't even screw you any more... not in the way that I would like anyhow).
I've also decided to volunteer abroad for 2-4 weeks during the summer, I don't think I can handle being in England for the whole of the summer, it'll be good for me to go away, rough it, help people and get some perspective on life...

So today was rather uneventful too, Rob come over, put anti-virus doo dah on my computer, I went to me nans, came home attempted to do homework, got pissed off, had dinner which made me feel sick, had a bath with my amazing bath bomb from lush that was pink (obviously) and it had blue glittery bits in it. I had Adele playing (the album 21) whilst in the bath and I was singing along really loudly pretending to be in a music video, which I happen to do on a regular basis which is actually rather tragic but like I said when times are tough (I.e there are no men around) I find myself having to entertain myself other ways (including dusting my vibrator and shoving it up my pussy whilst thinking about paul, yes I'm a dirty slut deal with it. I'm a fucking femminist)!
If men can't handle I've shagged 40 guys thats their problem NOT MINE!! 

So I'm now sitting on my bed wrapped in my blanket (alone) watching One day whilst drooling over the main character in the movie (jim something or other). Thats when you know your in trouble when the biggest turn on is a fucking actor on a movie, I need some serious action, before I dry up forever!
OK OK I know I'm being slightly dramatic 3 weeks is not actually that long, but as I've mentioned through out I'm lacking drama/excitment at the moment so making things that arn't dramatic, dramatic helps... a bit ...
Thats it I'm boring myself now so God knows what I'm doing to all of you lots. My apolagies, hopefully I will be able to update with something a little less crap than this soon...

Peace out

love love love xxxxxxxx

Sunday, 13 May 2012

I can show you the world, shining, shimmering, splendid, tell me princess when did you last let your heart decide? I can open your eyes..

OK OK enough I'm going to be sick... That might be due to the exsessive alcohol consumption I cosumed last night, or the fact that I'm starving and the song too! Seriously guys are so full of shit, its just lucky that I'm not nieve enough to beleive it these days which is a good thing really because I've been hurt way too many times by deceitful lies and spoon fed bullshit, what guys justify it as being charming and horney!

Any how so the life and loves of Elle, always an interesting combination (although I guess I would say that because its my life & I'm always totally wrapped up in myself)! Oh come on, all of us are a little, at least I don't pretend I'm not!
So I worked with hot Paul (from work) on wednesday and I think I'm in love with him, don't get me wrong he's a dick (which is why I'm in love with him, I seem to remember from my last blog vaugly that I'd come to the conclusion that I only ever fall for dicks & I'll probabaly end up married to one). So he has 4 kids, which is pretty impressive seeing as he's only 40-somthing, and looks like 30 something, but then again he wasn't the one that in total had to carry them around for a total of 3 years in his belly, or push them out, and as we know after having one your vagina will never look the same again, so after 4 well wow, thats impressive. So she bares his four children (who are now 15, 18, 19 and 21) and he has affairS (yes emphisis on the "S" because it was plural) and now he's back with the woman who he dated when he was 15. (and men say woman can't make up their minds)!!! Any how so he gets up and leaves (Glouster where his ex wife and children live) and moves to Brighton to be with the woman he was with when he was 15, wow men are definitly 110% selifish.
Never the less however shallow this may sound (and it will) he's cute, has good biceps, hardly any grey hair, he laughs at me (not sure if thats actually a good thing, but its better than making guys cry... I think). He offered me a hot chocolate (from costa) and I politley accepted his offer and asked for a small hot chocolate with no cream (trying to watch the weight... sort of.. the potential is there). and then I cheekily ask if he can get me a dairy milk chocolate bar (which I'm 100% addicted to at the moment) and he came back with a medium hot chocolate and a big dairy milk bar (which sort of defeats not having cream on my hot chocolate, but any how fuck it, I made it last 3 days, and I shared it.. a little bit..) So he's in my good books. I'm pretty sure every wednesday he'll be going home with a headache, however if we shag, I'll be quiet.. (unless he makes me come, which is very unlikley because its rare for a guy to be good in bed, and I can't be bothered to fake it anymore, mens egos are too big as it is, at least his is..)
Any hows enough of him...

So David wasn't in on thursday, which totally fucked up my thursday because (and this is going to sound really sad) its sort of the highlight of my week, even if I do then moan about him for the rest of the week. Thats only cuz I'm secretly desperate to shag him (even though he does have a permenant stye, so may have to wear some kind of protective eye wear, can't risk catching it). It pisses me off because it isn't going any where any time soon and I'm running out of patience, may have to move this along a bit quicker... need a plan..

Saw lady boys of Bankok on friday with Princess Andrea, after having deliciosus pizza follwed by amazing chocolate fudge cake mmm love P.E (which for you weirdos that haven't learnt abrivations for places yet it is pizza express... oh and K.G is Kurt Gieger... I think thats how you spell it). So Lady Boys of Bankok, I'm sorry guys I'm turned, they're beautiful, I think I'm going to have to sleep with one of them... I'm still not sure if that means I'm just sleeping with a man anyhow cuz they we're origionally men.. ohh it confusess me so much... after a fabulous show, with me pulling my dress up (at the chest, and down at the back) because I smartly decided to go out without a bra, and my tits we're almost falling out, still no men complaining (just the woman who are trying to compeat, just for the records ladies, there is no competition, and men just can't help being drawn to them, it isn't like I'm going to let them have a squeeze so get over it, there's only one type of man out there, and he's drawn towards big tits)!!! There is probably some Fredudian bullshit written somewhere about men being drawn towards tits because something to do with their mothers, that guy was one sick puppy! All this followed by a pina colada at Browns... "DO YOU LIKE PINA COLADAS, GETTING CAUGHT IN THE RAIN, IF YOUR NOT INTO JUNK FOOD, IF YOU HAVE HALF A BRAIN..".. Sorry couldn't resist, what a fabulous way to end a night, we're such classy bitches us Princess's!!! ;-)

Then it comes to Saturday, me and Tara after a long 4 hours or hair and makeup and a bottle of wine, I almost look like barbie, mixed with drag queen and so close to perfect it hurts lol, (no it physically hurts, I don't think I can see any more from the amount of eye makeup.. and I can already feel my pores clogging, still I am a woman and later on all this wasted time did go to quite good use). We arrive in Town just before midnight, into the club & I'm already flirting with every guy in site (which as I pointed out isn't too great due to far too much makeup) and alcohol cunsumption always makes ugly people look more attractive. Any hows so I start by buying myself my 1st drink, don't want guys to think I'm a tramp (as in I'm really poor I can't even afford a drink). After this large glass of rose (baring in mind we've already consumed a bottle before leaving the house... actually we drunk most of it on the bus.. but shhhh I'm trying to sound classy here... classyish...) and then we dance and I begin to get warmed up, any how started to chat up this ridiculously tall guy Paul (he must have been 7 foot, I'm actually not joking) he turned out to be a right dick actually, and the stupid fucker didn't even buy me a drink!! Still can always rely on oldies who count themselves privilliged that they even get to look at me, let alone by me and tara a drink, so I do my usual thing of oh my God your so nice, I'm going to go have a dance, come and find me in a bit ;-) and swan off to find some other mug to buy us a drink... (and dance of course.. I'm pretty pissed this time and think I need to show everyone my fabulous dance moves). which turn out to cripple me the next morning... afternoon, we didn't get home till 4.30am! Any how I have this terrible habbit of smoking when drunk (accept don't be ridiculous I wouldn't dream of buying them) so I do what I've recently realised works, by telling boys who smoke that its my 21st birthday today and they gulibally believe me and I get free fags all night. (This one might not work long term as if you go to the same place alot in short spaces of time, the same people tend to go to these places and men are stupid, but not even men are THAT stupid.. you get my drift).
Any how so after shamelessley flirting with the bouncer all night he gives us a lift home after buying us food (I shamlessly ate meat, which happens reguarly when I'm drunk). I was so greatful to get into my bed and sleep for the whole night (appart from I woke up once thinking I might throw up, but I wasn't thankfully and I went back to sleep)...
Oh let me briefly finish up about Paul (the guy I met in the club, not the guy from work) he was an idiot, he told me he just came out of an 8 year relationship and just wanted to shag me, and I told him I was on hunt for a husband and I was too good for him (which is beyond true) and then I sort of fell on him kind of and then stumbled off back to the dance floor to show everyone clearly how sexy I am when I'm drunk lol *CRINGE*!!

So now we are sunday afternoon/evening and I'm starving, in need of a bath, followed by chocolate and bed combined with Ally McBeal (which for now is my porn until I get SATC back)

Peace out lovers!


Sunday, 6 May 2012

I could've been a princess, you'd be a king, could've had a castle and worn a ring, but no you let me go and stole my star!

This ones for Andrea ;-) love ya babe xx

So its been almost a week since I last wrote and in the Elle world thats like a lifetime!!
Still no contact with "Dick Dan" thats what I'm calling Dan S now, because quite clearly he is a dick and he's called Dan so you know the name fits!
I can't pretend I don't miss him, I do, I even miss the pitiful sex which has left me with thrush.. or that might be the antibiotics, I'm not taking my chances though, come tuesday I'm going to the doctors and I'm going to not only going to demand a thrush tablet, I'm also going to get non-latex condoms, I did ask the woman at the fucking sex clinic for non-latex ones but she gave me some other ones but  I didn't check until after I'd left, I guess I could have not used condoms but seeing as "dick Dan" is the 40th guy I've slept with and I've been lucky enough not to have caught anything yet I decided best not take the risk, afterall I have no idea where his cock has been before, ha ha its a good job not many guys ask where girls pussys have been before (they don't want to see where mines been) ;-) thats a joke, I'm just being a dirty bitch!!

Anyhow I did decide to give it another go with the boy, however after he stayed over thursday night and we didn't even kiss, well what can I say, it is over! There's slow and then there's just ridiculous!

I've had a pretty reasonable week actually, by tuesday I could almost walk again without agony so I went shopping to cheer myself up, and then college in the evening, that was ok at least I got to see kelly and have my makeup done...
Wednesday I hung out with Becca (this is the longest we've gone without arguing) I think we've finally turned the page, its a miracle!! Wednesday night hung out with Chris and Tasha for veggy wednesday!
Thursday I went to work and David was there, hm there wasn't so much sexual tention as usual, not sure if I want to sleep with him any more, still better not be too hasty...
The boy stayed over thursday and then spent over an hour on friday staring at me as I did my makeup (which makes me extremly nervous).
Worked friday and then whoop whoop bought a massage bed and met this really nice guy called Jason, and no don't get any ideas I'm detoxing from men, at least for the next 5 days!!
Anyhow so excited about doing facials again and eye treatments and makeup, sweet as baby, definitly going to do level 3 beauty therapy fuck being stuck in a dead end job forever, I want to do something that will life people, and I get the listen to peoples problems at the same time, I'm a pro when it comes to relationship advice (sort of ironic really, seeing as I can't hold down a relationship longer than a week these days).
Anyhow so went to Jakes friday night and watched the movie 'One day' and oh my Dayzzzzzzzz I'm officially in love with the guy in it... Jim something or other...
Still he was a dick, I've decided its quite clear that I'm not intereseted in nice guys, so I'm probabaly going to end up with a dick, and then he'll probabaly run off with his secretary after I've got stretch marks and bared his children, and I'll be left alone with 3 kids and no money (ohhh I'm so optimistic lol). If this does happen, I'm definitly turning lesbian!
Oh God I just love Ally McBeal it really does sort ones life out...

So friday came and went and then we got to saturday and had an amazing night out with Andrea & Dani and co doing Kareoke or however the fuck you spell it and then on for food mmmmmm yummy, and then onto 7*s for drinkies and then home to bed.. alone, all alone..
Managed to bump into Terry after getting off the bus at 5pm yesterday, yes I mean Terry, Terry, wanker of the century Terry, he looked at me and gave me this stupid cheeky smile and I just glared at him like I was looking straight through him and then I just strutted off, at least I looked good, imaculate makeup and hair extentions in and heels and a cute dress and coat.
Ha then I saw Greggo weggo (one of the guys I shagged when I was on my 21 year old bender) and then I bumped into Ben in 7*s accept after how he was last time I saw him I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of acting like I even knew him, I just flicked my hair and continued being fabulous!
Oh and so then the stupid bus came early and so I missed it and the next one wasn't due for another 25 mins so I decided to walk to London Road, where from across the road (and although my eyesites terrible and it wasn't that close) was Barney, as in my first love Barney, I could spot that face a mile off, I hate him, but the sad thing is I still have feelings for him, yes I know it was 7 years ago but clearly I just need therapy or something.
Who knows maybe you never really get over your 1st love.
Anyhow that brings me today, and for a sunday I'm reasonably calm. I'm actually totally chilled out tonight not sure why!

On that note, I'm going to paint my nails red baby ;-) and then sleepy time for me going to see me sister tomorrow, need to be a little bit awake!!

love & peace