Monday, 28 March 2011

slow down...

So me and Mike are together now, yes he is my boyfriend and I'm so lucky because he is a totally lush guy. I met his parents yesterday (always something I totally freak out a bout). Partly bacause I normally end up saying the wrong thing, although I was suprisingly OK because I didn't say any thing bad (I don't think) I even kept my language to a minumum and lets face it if any one swears too much it's deffinitly me! Any how so I've been going out and hardcoreing it way too much and beggining to feel just slightly nakard so I intend to have an early one tonight. I guess I really need to actually be getting a job too, it might be a bright idea to do so! Any how good news on RC front because I am now going to the working class work shop on friday so that'll be good, give me a bit of time to get my head together. I suppose I have been feeling a bit weird latley. I guess me and Luke didn't broke up that long ago and yes we are still mates and I can't deny that Lukes suddenly not going to be in my life any more because he is in my life and I'm questioning this, is this fucked up? Or is that just me? I've spent the last 3 years of my life worrying a bout getting old and not having enough time to do things and for the 1st time I think to myself actually I am young and I have got my whole life ahead of me. Fuck it woman have kids at 40 these days. I've got 18 years till then, besides I'm not even sure if I even want any little shits yet. So Dad is officially a twat, but hey hold on didn't I already know that? Linda rung me and I didn't answer because I was still pissed that Dad hadn't returned my call from when I left him a message at work. Any how she left me a voicemail and I did ring back Saturday and apparently Dad was in the garden cough cough bullshit! He was meant to ring me back but that was 2 days ago and so I won't hold my breath. WOOP WOOP might be getting my tattoo this wednesday, and if not this wednesday it'll be the wednesday after oh yeah rock on!! Seriously I've been waiting for fucking long for this tattoo it's like not even funny. Nan has to see it. Changed my mind a bout the butterfly though. I am still going to get it but I've decided to get the Ivy (for nan) and the little flowers too and then when she dies I'll get the butterfly because then it's sort of like a symbol of her flying off into the sunset type thing, but she's not dead yet so it seems slightly inappropriate!! Any how not too much drama at the moment. Don't worry a bout that though this is me we're talking a bout give me a few weeks and I will entertain you with my naughty shinanigans ;-) love to all my followers xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Friday, 25 March 2011

Wow the sun is shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnniiiiiiing

I'm sorry I'm so lame with updating these days, it's hard to get access to a computer these days. Can you believe I'm actually in an internet cafe. 70p for half hour that's pretty good.
So lets see whats going on in the life of princess Elle..............
Well I'm in a bit of a predicament at the moment because I'm still in love with Luke which I'm beginning to think I should really get over!
I haven't had sex in 2 weeks and one day. Well is that a good thing or a bad thing? I guess it depends on which way you look at it!
I met this guy Danny, who is a total prick (although I did meet him in oceana so that sort of explains it). Any how I don't think they get much more arrogant than Danny. He even got his fucking arse out. Please tell me am I missing something why do guys do this? It's like I don't go round getting my arse out (although some how I recon guys would some how not complain if woman did that). Any how he clearly loved himself and wanted to get into my knickers (which it pained me to decline NOT)!! Any how so now he's got a bruised ego and fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk my times running out.
OK fuck it. This will be continued promise....

Love love love

Sorry a bout that ladies and gents, I'm now at Paulies with Emz and Mike and I've temporarily taken over the computer so that I can update you all my lovely followers. So any how I got rid of Danny cuz he was a complete waste of time so got rid of him. Then his mate Marco who had been chatting up the lovely Emma all night decided to try and get with me after wards. well let me tell you about Marco he's been to prison twice and as much as I think he's quite sweet. I think there's something going on there especially when I saw him in Town with another blond girl yesterday so fuck him.
I met Mike and Paulie at the bus stop last Friday night and so here we are at Paulie's flat.
I'm still in love with Luke but I think I need to accept that it's over so maybe moving on is now a good idea.
Any how i am aware that I am being completely rude so I should probably go and see where the night takes us....

Lots of love my secret followers xxxxxxx

Sunday, 13 March 2011

Feeling like death

So here it is day 2 of being "dumped", I hate that word but which ever way you look at it or how ever you say it, it still means the say thing so why try and sugar coat it.
Part of me feels numb, part of me feels angry and I don't know whether I want to scream or cry, but I know I am so fucking fed up with crying I just don't want to think any more.

It's a shame there isn't a degree in falling for MR Wrong really cuz if there was I'd be guarenteed to get 110%.
Part of me just wants to go and sleep with some one else to get L%*e out of my head. I think that is probabally a possability of getting over him, or maybe just go on the pull big time and meet someone else and then I can just forget all a bout him.
It's fucked up that I want to call him, yet I know it'll just make the whole thing worse in the long run! Even though it's tough, and it is really tough, I've deleted all the texts I had from him, deleted his number from my phone and call register. I've changed my profile picture on fb too. It's too painful to be a round things.
I haven't quite brought myself to delete his voicemails yet, and I will because I know it won't help to keep listening to them but I'm not ready to do that just yet, I'm not ready to destroy all the evidence of the relationship we had together. I will in time because it hurts and it'll make it worse.
I feel like a twat for planning so much together. We lasted just over a month. Whats wrong with me why do I have to keep dating shits!? I've been dating since I was 14 that's 8 years of dating shit men, I'm exausted when is it going to stop!?
Maybe it's really time to take a good long break from men for a while. All they ever end up doing in the end is making you feel shitty any how so whats the point!?
Any how I can't write any more cuz I think I might be going schitzos

Love to you all. My fabulous followers!!

Saturday, 12 March 2011

Lovin' turns to leavin' everytime

Well at least I'm the one that goes round saying that all the time and now it has!
Yes me and the guy that I thought I could potentially marry and have babies with broke up with me today!
How do I feel? Utter shit, still really raw too but I guess it is sinking in a little bit more each hour, however doesn't mean it hurts any less! I've cried for what feels like a million years and yet I still feel like there's more to come. I'll wait till I'm in bed though before I cry again.
I wanted everything to be so fucking fabulous and I tried my best I really did, I tried so hard to be a good girlfriend. I didn't even look at other guys when me and Luke was together that's how comitted I was, but fuck it, committment means fuck all these days!
Am I angry and bitter? Well a little I suppose but mainly just heart broken. I wish the pain would stop but it isn't and even though it's hard to think like this right now it's just like the song by Girls alloud goes; "My heart is broken and bleeding, but it's beating". That's what I got to remember and like I always say OK right now I'll probabally go on my usual "I hate all men" and all men are "wankers" phase like I always do after a break up and then slowly second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, week by week, month by month, I'll heal and I'll meet someone and this failed relationship will just be a distant memory just like all the rest.
It feels pretty hopeless at the moment but as they say time is a healer!

I won't ever rule out that I won't love again. cuz I'd rather fall than never to have loved at all! I've got a lot of love to give and I like to think I'm a loving person and that I've got a lot to give, whether that is peoples opinions on me or not.

On the plus side I did get a cool new hat, and gloves from L@%e in Camden Market!

Any how Sorry if this post is depressing, just trying to be honest.

Love to you all!!