Wednesday, 28 July 2010

Wednesday 27th July ... at Jax place!!

Oh my days!
How come woman don't get any respect for really putting themselves out there?
I tell you what to go out and approach a guy who you like the look of whether your at a bar, or a club or a coffee shop or wherever. It isn't an easy thing to do and I don't know a bout any one else but I am officially not impressed with mens attitudes right now!
Firstly last wednesday night me and Emma and Amy went out for drinks and to be honest there wasn't exactly any cute guys chatting up in Pitcher and Pianos. Then we made it to Varsitys and that was completly dead. So Amy left and me and Emma headed to Oceana hoping to have a bit of luck in the male deperment!
Well now when I say luck I don't mean having 3 snogs off 3 different guys, none of which was English and none of which I would say were particuarly good kissers (NOT COOL).
Any how so we had chips on the way back and got to sleep a bout 4am after tea and food!!
Giving it another go the next day me and Emma spend roughly 3 hours getting ready to go out. Had a few drinks, went along to Varsitys ha and then that's when Emma ended up getting off with Greg.
I honestly was relieved to have no more stalkers for the time being until he turned up trashed and lied a bout who he was and then when me and Emz walked off he followed us oh dear STALKER!! Any how we ran off an manged to get away from him. Don't worry I did set him straight the next day, I won't be hearing from him any more.
So we go down to Coalition and the music was propa hot (shame a bout the BOYS). I say boys because thats pretty much what the majority of them were. I'm actally suprised if they even had any facial hair. So that was that no sex for me thursday either GOD DAMN IT!

Ok you know that was pretty shit but you know I know sex and a relationship isn't going to land at my feet so I don't let a few little hichups hit me down.
So I'm walking down the Street from Tesco Express and I'm almost certain he was checking me out, he did cross over the road though like to the other side of the road from me. Any how I thought fuck it what have I got to lose, so I called across the road have you got a lighter. It's not that easy to start a conversation with someone these days especially walking down the Street. He was like No I don't smoke and carried on walking so I was like fuck you then mate (in my head of course).

So I'm down London Road after meeting Kevin for coffee and I see this guy near the Level park and I was so certain he was eyeing me up any how he sat down on this bench so I thought maybe he wants me to go over and talk to him. So I went up and asked him for a lighter and he was like no I don't smoke God damn it. I was like why you sitting on a broken bench. So he goes I'm waiting for someone so I left feeling half annoyed and half relived cuz up close he was a bit of a minger really.

Yet another day, I'm up Sainsburys. Partly because I have a major crush on the security gaurd and I wanted to give him my number (he never got in contact cunt).
Any how so I'm down the ice cream section umming and arghing over whether I should get a ben and jerrys ice cream. I saw this guy giving me a bit of an odd look. I didn't think much of it until i went down the bread isle and he followed me. Then he followed me down the cake isle and like he left the cake isle and then came back and so when I got in the kiosk que he kept looking at me and by this point I was thinking he's quite cute maybe I should talk to him. Any how so I hung around for a bit outside waiting for him to come out.
When he finally did he was sort of standing near me but he wasnt coming over and then he started to walk down the hill and so i walked down the hill on the other side to the bus stop. He crossed the Road and stopped so as usual I was like can I have a lighter. He was like no I don't smoke. By this point I'm thinking jesus is there any guys left out there that smoke. Apparently not.
Any how I started to walk off and then I turned around and like I go you alright and he was like yeah just admiring the view. I.e my arse. I was like oh right thought you was gay and he said no way not like the way ive been looking at them meaning my tits.
He kept walking back and forth and I was just thinking not only is he a total twat for saying that and acting like that he's clearly a stalker.

So I'm round Jax house and Becca's over acting like her usual self. I wish she would just back off. Telling me how I should and shouldn't act around Callum it does my head in the way she always thinks she's right!
She ain't the one that got woke up at 5.30am.
Jesus thank God I'm going out tonight I need it!
Catch you soon, just to chat sincerly yours
this is Elle
(ha ha been listening to Eminem Stan too much hee hee)!

Monday, 19 July 2010

Just another manic monday, wish it was sunday.. Gotta love the Bangles...

Exscuse me! Need to get that out of my system, I'm way passed the stage of pissed off now I am ANGRY!!!!!!!! I officially have NO money, I have no boyfriend, no job and no date, what the fuck is going on?? No man, seriously right now I feel as if the world might be lacking in men, I'm particuarly fed up with fucking couples who are ALL beggining to do my head in! For example two foreigners sitting in front of me on the bus chewing each others faces off! Has no one ever told people that for one it's a fucking public face and for 2 not to rub my nose right in it when I am single and very cross!
What is wrong with all the stupid couples in the world it's actually doing my head in!
I just feel like when people get to the compfy stage of their relationship and they just decide that they're not going to go out and have fun with any of their mates anymore and just sit in like goons. Please someone pass me the sick bucket!!
I'm dobuting that I didn't get the job at the hotel cuz they never rung me and then when I rung them she never rung me back so heres to them they can stick their job up their arse!!!!!!!!!!!
Me being me I can't work for arseholes any how!
Right that's it I'm going back on the net cuz clearly everyone in bars and clubs are total twats with bad dress sense and no personality!!!
Time to leave this City yet?????????
Hmm maybe!

Monday, 12 July 2010

Breaking down on a manic monday...

How shit am I feeling, actually I'm beyond shit!
Nans still in the hospital surrounded by crazy old ladies, it isn't any suprise she's confussed, fuck me I come out of that place feeling confussed (yes more confussed than usual).
God I can't wait for her to get home! The nurses pissed me off big time yesterday they was all like well you can't sit on the patience bed I felt like saying urm fuck off it's my nan and i'll sit her if i like, although I managed to hold me tounge. Oh and then at 5pm they was like you've got to go and I felt smacking that stupid cow across the face!
Any how got up at 8am today fuck me I don't think I've been that early in months. Decided to stay up though, picked up my laptop which is litrally in bits, that made me cross but I didn't scream at the stupid computer geek twat!
I went up to hospital after that and that I met Becca for lunch.
I was very naughty when she left, I treated myself to a new dress from Misselfridge (sale item of course). It is fabulous though worth every penny!
I spoke to James on the phone again today bad idea. I know he's bad for me everyone says it and I just need to believe it!
I'm not convinced he's seeing someone else.
Damn him for being a wanker and damn me for falling for him. Is it possible for me to run away from me yet before I go any loopier!!
I just don't get men you know I can't understand why I can't just meet someone! It's like I'm pretty (well everyone keeps telling me I am least). I have great style, I've got massive tits, I'm great at blowjobs, I'm always up for sex and a good night out, I'm genourous, I like to think I'm kind, I'm witty, I'm good at listening to people's problems, I'm the least boring person I know so WHY THE FUCK AM I STILL SINGLE?????
I am litrally on the verge of giving up altogether I need to get out of this fucking City!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, 6 July 2010

Just another Tuesday- although I do feel like someone has shot me!

Well aparently your life can change in less than a week!
Fucking men, why do I always get sucked in my them??
So I finally make it to the estate agents friday with mum to explain how the housing benifit people are completly and uterly crap!
Any how so we do coffee and then head back up to London Road after convincing mother to spend £97.50 on a new dress, that looked stunning, damn her for having such a good body in her 50's. If I even make it to 50 chances are I'll be obease!
Any how so I saw this guy checking me out so told mum I would be up in a minute. Any how so I started talking to him and he was really cute and he asked for my number I was thinking go me!
Any how so I he was like lets go out tonight so he picked me up from me mums, dropped me home and then later picked me up and we went bowling. We only played the one game and then went and sat up Hove lagoon and then back to mine. After a bout 6 hours of fourplay we finally had sex, twice actually.
The next few days were kind of a bit of a blurgh. We pretty much spent every day together having sex, arguing and kissing etc.
Like everything nothing ever lasts. Slowly it became untangled and things got messy and he broke up with me. I think I cried infront of him for a bout an hour (something I never do under usual circumstances).
So he drove me up me mums and so here I am feeling dreadful.
Oh and so to top it all off my nan might have had a stroke now too. Life is fucking fantastic NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Thursday, 1 July 2010


OK how the fuck did it get to the first of July already, man this is NOT cool. Before long I'm going to be turning 22 and I still have done virtually nothing with my life, God damn it.
So whats going on it the life of Elle?? Well I ended up going out Monday night with the fabulous Amy, we ended up at this Brazilian night. It was actually really quite cool and lucky Amy got hit on by this French dwarf, it was fucking hilerious. Every time we thought we'd lost him, he appeared again ... FREAK!
Martin who's name we've named to Nitram (see if you can work it out) has decided to get back in touch with me. He told me he was in love with me (this is the point I run away screaming). Seriously what the fuck, I haven't even met this guy before. Oh and it gets better, now he wants me to go and spend the weekend at his next weekend and he said he'd spoil me rotton.
Well there's just a few things wrong with that...
1) I've never met him before- so he could be a total minger/phyco.
2) When men say "spoil you" they mean spending the whole weekend in bed and I'm really not in the mood for a weekend full of crap sex.
3) I have serious issues going to the toilet in guys houses... you get what I mean...
4) I still haven't been tested since Wayne the pain, Greggo, Weggo or ash the trash yet.
5) I'd have to drag all my stuff to his house, which involves planning outfits. Mish or what
6) Well I can't really think of a 6 but maybe I just can't be arsed to waste yet another entire weekend.
However do feel free to comment!....
Oh yes how could i forget just as i was thinking life couldn't get much worse Jay.. yes Jay as in the man I'm "supposedly" in love with decides to change bus drivers at London Road to drive the fuckign bus I'm on oh fabulous. I was just getting over him as well, Humph, attempting to anyhow. Why does he have to be so damn fucking cute aye? And another thing why do I have to be so damn Hetrasexual???!!!!
Oh yes I had an appiphany this morning I decided I was going to quit smoking, that was until I went to the stupid housing benifit people today and I ended up speaking to some retarded gay prick who I would have happily punched, now I see why they have those glass panel things in front of their fucking faces. Shame they ain't blacked out, that way I wouldn't have to look at his ugly face!
Fuck this I need a ciggerette!!