Sunday, 9 January 2011

Je detest le Sunday

Or however the fuck you say it in French!
I'm feeling really tired and negative today and I hate feeling like that. Stuck in a ruck.
I'm over Jax- obviously seeing as my laptop has decided to give up on life altogether, I'm starting to feel like I might follow in it's foot steps :(. (Don't worry I'm not a bout to have another suicide attempt the absolutely crazy Elle has gone. Left her behind along with all the shit from 2010).

I just really need to sort a few things out and I think like once I start doing some volunteer work or courses then maybe I won't feel so low! I know that deep down it's because I'm desperate for a guy but I'm not a bout to jeprodise my hopeful looking future for another good for nothing prick!
Whats the point I know what I'm looking for and I do believe in fate, and soul mates and I know for a fact I'm not a bout to bump into my dream man in a bar or a club.
He may not even be English, English men have such little passion, and it's all a bout drugs and drink and stupid football. Well I hate football with a passion! So that's that.
I want to be with someone that's different and maybe he makes a difference to the world or something. I don't know but what I do know is that I'm not a bout to settle for 2nd best and I don' t care what people say, I refuse to go out with any more twats until I find my soul mate, whats the point, I've dated and slept with more than enough men!
However hard it may be (especially being surrounded by lo-vie do-vie couples everywhere I go),
I'm not going to just date anymore for the sake of having a man in my life and not being alone!
I'd rather be lonely and single than be with someone that 80% of the time does my nut so that's that!
Blurgh I'm fed up!

Peace out my followers!

Friday, 7 January 2011

Mood= Moody!

God I'm beginning to feel shit today, not sure if it's cuz every one around seems to be getting sex and I'm not even allowed to indulge in self pleasure at the moment. I've only got 10 days left but it's just starting to do my head in now. Not because I'm not allowed to have sex, I'm not even interested in that at the moment. I don't even know if I can be bothered to go on a date, unless I actually thought they had a brain and aren't only interested in shagging me and getting off their face on booze and drugs!!!
Why can't it be more straight forward I do want my recovery badly, but I did get a bit annoyed today cuz me sponsor wants me to start going to AA meetings again and I don't want to, I've agreed to go to one on Tuesday to get the 12 and 12 book, but the idea of going back to AA brings dread over me. AA is not good for me, I only end up going in there in the end to check out guys and I know that from the very last meeting I did, Towards the end before I stopped going I was only going to check out guys and when I'm trying to recover as a sex and love addict I know it'll end with me slipping. Not to mention I really don't want to see Wayne and if I start going to AA meetings again I know I'll bump into him sooner or later.

Need a fag will continue later ....

Right been watching the soaps got a little distracted!

I'm not particularly happy that the bank are sending me hate mail through the post either God damn it, I wish they would just fuck off and die!

I want Tom to come back from Oz and to ring me and confess his undying love for me, like that'll ever happen!
God damn it I'm annoyed I'm going!

I know I have been slack with updating, I'll try and update more regularly!

Peace out!