Monday, 30 May 2011

Every step I take, every move I make, every single day, every time I pray, I'll be missing you...


Exscuse the rant.
It's just you know when one thing after another seems to go wrong and you think jesus I'm already in fucking overdrive and then your thinking to yourself "wow at least it can't get any worse" and then it does and your mystified and wonder what you've done so fucking wrong to deserve all this shit. Karma man, this is my past catching up with me. Dear God I am so fucking sorry for all the sins I've commited but I'm begging you to help me out here!!

I keep flippin' drinking and why? Well me mum seems manically depressed and for once it's not down to me... I don't think...
I've got 2 weeks one day to move house and I'm fucked because I have found nothing, I haven't even viewed any yet and I'm looking virtually every day and I'm losing the will to live let alone to motivate myself to actually continue to look.

Ended up at terrys Friday night (after clubbing consuming far too much alcohol). Me being me thought it would be a smart idea to continue consuming vodka. Dancing around the living room with Terry to love songs, in his clothes and kissing him- even though I know it's wrong when I'm drunk and depresesed a bloke only has to touch me and it's like a fucking naked live wire!

Any how no I didn't sleep with him, once was a mistake, twice was not cool, 3 times would have just made me the biggest twat... EVER!

I went to bed at 5am he fucked off out to go sort his mate out (clearly going to another girls house). At 7am I woke up, rung him and heard his phone ringing in the living room and went down stairs to investigate. Only to find him passed out eating a packet of crisps on the sofa! I did try and get him to come to bed and then he sort of grunted at me so I went back to bed and then about 10 minutes later I heard him stumble up the stairs fall in the door and he slumped down at the end of the bed (it was quite amusing watching him attempt to take his socks off).
We slept top to tale that night! Am I sad?
Fuck it why would I want to be with someone who doesn't want me. Any how I want Ben...
Don't say anything that ship has sailed and I've started reading "Woman who love too much" again. I need to get back onto the road to recovery all these men are bad for me.

I'm sitting in the internet cafe listening to "missing you" by Puff Daddy for the 10th time, and guess what!? I'm thinking about Diesel, but hey as the lyrics go... "I know your in heaven smiling down"!


To make it worse me nan got admitted to hospital and I didn't really know what happened and ended up having a fucking anxiety attack on the way home from work. Got to the hospital as soon as I could and spent four hours up there.
You know what I need?
I need a great big fucking joint! But hey till Emily finishes her exams I guess ciggys will have to do!!

5 mins left to go!

Can I go home and slash my wrists up now??

Hmmm nah that'll have to wait need time out.
Going up Mats.

Sorry my darlin's I know it has all been tragically depressing recently but I promise give me... a month and I'll turn it all around.

Oh one last thing get this Me: "Does Terry actually want to talk to me"?
Stacey: "He says no, he doesn't talk to thick cunts".
aw wow he just sleeps with them and invites them back to his house...

I think I don't even need to comment on that comment you know what I mean!! ;-)

Peace out my followers!

Love love love

Monday, 23 May 2011

Have you ever lost and loved someone wish there was a chance to say your sorry....

So I finally managed to find out that Diesel got cremated. Not exactly sure if that made me feel any better I did go out and celebrate his life on Friday night although I'm really struggling to get my head around the fact that he's gone and never coming back.
I know what he would say if he was still alive though. He'd say to me "Elle your a little sort stop running around after all these guys that are messing you about you know your too good for this. Your going to go far in life and you don't need approval from a boy that'll never really give a shit, your better than this"!
I know he'd want me to get on with my life not sit around moping and dwelling. I'll love him to the end and I'll never forget him but I know I need to try and get on with my life. Make him proud.

OK OK that's enough of the morbid shit.

Your probably wondering whats going on in the secret life of Princess Elle, well I hate to say it yes I did stay at Terry's Friday night, I know what I said but hello I'm the most indecisive person in this world.
So went on a date with Matt Saturday night, thought it went well but apparently I am losing my touch because "I'm not his type"!!! Hello I'm every mans type but hey whatever I'm too old for all that crap now anyhow.

Stayed at Stacey and Gaz's Saturday night and Terry poked me in the eyes pushed me on the floor and told me to fuck off at like 3am bloody charming... I started thinking do I really want to be with someone like that anyhow?! So at 6am he starts shouting at me for his bloody tee and I'm just like what the fuck, took it off threw it at him, and then....
He left...
At 6.30am I left walked from their place to Hove (yes I think I may have gone just ever so slightly barmy, that's men for you).
I sang at the top of my lungs and danced most of the way (and yes I did sleep when I got home). Don't you just love Sundays!
So had me "date" with Darryl later which I personally thought was ever so slightly awkward, however my mind is other places right now and I'm not going to sit around twiddling my thumbs about whether it was a good date or not hello I am a very busy gal!
Got to play with Stacey's baby yesterday though man he is sooooooooo cute, I actually want one... hmm... or maybe not...

So the Terry ship has sailed and I'm through with men... Just for abit anyhow.

Mm mm got to ogle sexy men all day at college too ha ha love it. Gives me something to come over later ;-) I am a dirty bitch ha ha LOVE IT!!!

Talking of ogling sexy men I get to watch Johnny Depp tonight at the cinema fuck the violence the only thing going on in my mind will be sleeping with him, I bet he's got a nice cock. Man I miss nice cocks not exactly sure what happened to them...

Any how this is fucking lame I need some new blood...

Well lets think about this logically, I'm out for Nat's birthday Friday and Emz birthday after Nat's and Amy's birthday Saturday so I think I may be able to come up with a cunning plan woop woop lets go cause some drama at the weekend oh yeah bring it on!

Peace out lovers, and just remember I have no concept of morals so I can assure you the next read WILL be juicy.

Love love love

Sunday, 15 May 2011

Shake ya arse, watch ya self, Shake ya arse show me what your working with ;-) ;)

Oh yes I was walking around listening to saturday night and dancing down the street, I am sooooooooo fucking cool ha ha.

Please remind me why I don't drink. It was not cool to have got drunk Friday night, I am nutto nuts, yes more than usual and I am still recovering now.
So I went out with Zoe, Becki, Emma, Paul and Rhea, fucking amazing night, I have a feeling I did kiss some total randomer when I was walking to the club (and no I didn't catch his name). Aren't I classy ha ha.
after my last blog I got to learn what Terry was really like.
I wish I could say I don't care but unfortunatly I do.
I did really like him and it was never what I'd call a equal relationship from the beggining but I did learn something, I learnt that you should never sleep with blokes who never give you a straight answer from the beggining and be very careful about how much you let your guys in and how quickly you let your guard down to people you don't know that well.
So there we have it the laughs on me again, and I won't sit here and act like I don't care because I do but I'm strong, I've been through a lot worse and I always come through it in the end.

I got to thinking about life today and the fact that I spend alot of time worrying about where my life is going but then I started to really think about my life and me as a person and I started thinking, sure I may not have the perfect body and I may not be little miss stunning, but personality wise I am nice, I'm not malicious, I'm not nasty and I spend my life trying to help people and trying to be there for people if they need me.
So overall right now even though I am fundamentally knakared and I've been used once again by yet another guy, I am OK.
So I have a date lined up on sunday with my new bouncer "friend".
He's actually really cool so even if nothing happends at least I've made another mate and you can never have enough mates.
Made friends with Zoe too who I met through Terry, so at least it wasn't all bad I made a new friend out of being used and abused.
Aw I actually love me pals they're all totally amazing.
Going to just concentrate on doing my courses and having fun right now, I think men, in my life need to take a back seat for a while (ha ha and if your believing that then you'll believe any thing I say).

So I am sitting at my mums being nagged to do the washing up and trying to ignore the face that Becca and Iain I swear delibratly try to bring up Ben as much as possible to try and get a reation out of me. Or maybe its just because I am head over heels in love with him it makes me cross to hear his name because I then end up going over and over in my head about all the things he said and did and then its like a bomb exploding in my face "HE DOESN'T WANT TO BE WITH ME". Bam, so there we have it I can't deal with having to have that thrown in my face every day and I'm done with having "Ben fits". (For those of you who don't know what a "Ben fit" is, it's when I recall everything that happened between me and Ben and it goes round and round in my head to the point where I'm so angry I want to scream at the top of my lungs, throw my phone against the wall and have to punch pillows to avoid smashing up everything I own. Quite self explanitry really...).
Alternativly I could replace them with "Terry fits" although I don't want to give him the satisfaction of thinking he actually got to me.
I used to have Luke fits...

Any how enough of that I did say on my last post I would put some more great lyrics up that to me are great for attempting to take back control so once I've done the washing up (to avoid being nagged) and been to the toilet before I pee in my pants (yes I do still suffer from TB- and for the strange people who don't get this it stands for "tiny bladder".) I will add lyrics.

However for now peace out and love to my faithful, trusty followers ...

Ok fuck it, won't let me copy and paste so I'll just write song titles and you can just google them yourselves...

  • Not Big- Lily Allen

  • Single Ladies- Beyonce

  • You outta know- Allaniss Morrisette

  • Fuck you right back- Frankee

  • Don't think of me- Dido

  • Telephone- Lady Ga ga

  • I'm over you- Martine McCutcheon

  • I will survive- Gloria Gaynor.

I will add more but me minds blank right now, that's a start tho...


Thursday, 12 May 2011

Taking back control...

So am I really the Queen of fucking it up??
Well maybe I am, but honestly do I really want to go out with any of these guys anyhow.

So its been a little while since I updated so I guess your wondering whats going on in the secret life of Princess Elle. Good question...

Well bare with me if I have already written some of this baring in mind I do have the memory of a fish..
I met this guy james who was one of Chris's mates, not exactly sure why really it isn't like I don't know what his mates are like, so that all went a bit tits up cuz he got the hump when I wouldn't sleep with him at the back of King Alfred (and I'm meant to be the weird one here). Plus he'd only just been realised from prison and spent every day drinking and smoking spliff. Not cool.

After him there was Andy met him on the internet, and I have a feeling I may have already said all this cuz I did update the whole night after I met Ben...

Ok so we'll start with the weekend just gone...
I went on a stag night (yes I do mean STAG doo.) Me and a bunch of cute guys... Would you say no??
Well whatever the groom got off his face and I swear down if he touched me arse one more time I would have either taken him home and shagged him to prove a point that even when guys are about to get married can't control a bit of arse, shame I happen to think I'm better than that. Or the other option would have been to chop his cock off, lukily I'm neither a home wrecker or a phyco any more so instead I stayed a round to make sure he didn't do anything he might regret in the morning.
His mate Dan I wasn't too impressed with though, already told me since he's been married he's slept with other woman and almost had an affair with his wifes little sister, oh and did I mention he's got a coke problem too... ladies steer well clear of this type of man. They are way more hassel than they're worth.
So after all my nice hospitality they decided to fuck off and leave me with no money at 4am, wow you just got to love these types of men.
Lukily Rob was still awake and paid for me to get a cab back to his, I wasn't too happy having to do the walk of shame the next day (for those of you who don't know what the walk of shame is, it's having to go home the next day in the same clothes you went out in the previous night with very little sleep, jeez the looks you get it's crusifying).

So that was that, had work as usual monday and "Get what you want" workshop tuesday which is slightly conveinent really seeing as I slept with Terry that night.
Oh yes I slipped up on my whole "I'm never having a one night stand again" bullshit.
I've sort of had a bit of an appifinay today.
I slept with him and we cuddled all night and it felt so good to be back in someones arms again. i sort of felt myself beggining to obsess over him and alarm bells went off. I started thinking whats so great about this guy anyhow.
Sure he's quite cute and he's an average shag but he's not exactly boyfriend material. Time to go out and find some new blood.
So I thought maybe it's time I took back control on my life.
So I thought a good place would be to start with a few kick arse songs to make me feel more empowered...
"You can't touch me now there's no feeling left, if you think I'm coming back don't hold your breath, what you did to me boy I can't forget, if you think I'm coming back don't hold your breath.
I was under your spell for such a long time, couldn't break the chains, you played with my heart. Tore me apart with all your lies and games, it took all the strenth I had, but I crawled up on my feet again, now your trying to lure me back, but no, those days are gone, my friend.

I was worried about you but you never care about me none. You took my money and I know that you, you could kill someone, I gave you everything, but nothing was ever enough, you were always jealous over such crazy stuff...."

Hmm I've only got 16 mins left on the computer so I probz should rap it up abit. i'll do more songs later if I get a chance at my sisters otherwise I'll just leave you with a few things..

I've got quite a lot of courses booked over next couple weeks so I will be a very busy lady over the course of the next week not to mention am going out tomo night providing all goes to plan and well my lovely followers we all know what that means in the Secret life of Elle ......


So keep on reading and I'll keep on updating you on the world through the eyes of a wanna be princess...
Love to you all..............


Sunday, 1 May 2011

Dear Jesus I know I haven't always been a good girl but I'm begging you for forgivness, please send some luck my way...

I'm mortified that its been 21 days since I last wrote. Exscuse the title not everything is bad but why is it when it comes to men I am just so totally fucked up!?
A couple of weeks ago I sat at home contimplating suicide, so I cut up my arms and then decided enough was enough, so I packed a suit case and I left, I got on a train and went to London, I met up with this guy Matt who was a total weirdo (and also apparently one of Lukes mates). He was really discusting and so me being me fell off the wagon i.e got very drunk. Some how ended up in bed with Matt's brother Luke (no not my ex Luke). any how we didn't have sex, although we could have done if you know what I mean.
I ended up going to my Luke's the next night and staying at his and then he wouldn't sleep with me so I guess I had to once and for all accept that it was over for good. So I left and then we was still talking on the phone for a bit till I decided as long as I keep talking to him on the phone I'll never truly get over him. So I deleted his number and that was that finito.
Started going on dates with other guys which were all 99.9% disasterious James is not particuarly cool, he wanted to have sex in an ally me being me got all frigid and freaked out so apparently now I'm a "cock tease". Wow ain't been called that since I was 15. (this is not cool, but after being in sex therapy I can't just sleep around any more).
So then there was Andy- jesus he tried to snog me and I didn't really fancy him in the slightest so that was him gone.
Then there was Adam, nice guy, didn't really fancy him and has far too many issues.
Then there was Nathan, now where do I begin with Nathan, extremly good looking, the most arrogent prick I may have met so far. Got the hump cuz I wouldn't sleep with him and he wasn't particuarly that nice either so that was him crossed off too.
Went out for the Royal Wedding that was fabulous and I had lots of fun, however it all kicked of last night at Iain (bex boyfriends birthday party). Alcohol is the enemy.
I was dressed up to the nines in a massive ball gown and heels and curly hair and a tiara and I have to say I did look the business.
So Ben was there (Iain's bro) we sort of had a bit of a thing about 18 months ago, it didn't end well and I was slightly apprehensive about seeing him again. He blanked me for the 1st few hours then of course when the alcohol kicked in flirted with me outragously.
So then we all go off to the club (well the majority of us any how, Becca, Iain, Jacqui and Nick didn't come).
I ended up having a massive strop because obviously Ben wouldn't get with me because Becca and Iain are together and so apparenlty it would be too weird.
According to him I'm pretty and a nice girl, but I'm totally nuts and thats why he wouldn't get with me for fuck sake if one more guy tells me I'm fucking pretty I will go mad, it isn't about fucking looks. Oh you wait it gets better ... it always does with me....
Luke only fucking texts me for fuck sake why can't he just let me get on with my life God damn it!!
Then by the end I was so pissed off I was in need of fags so I walked off with no money and I walked all the way back from Brighton, to mums in 4 inch stileto heels and a ball gown at 3.30am, got into bed about 5am me no happy bunny. (for those of you who don't know my mum lives up in Hollingbury near asda).
My feet aree virtually bleeding, everything aches I maybe getting a cold and once again I'm conimplating suicide so sorry for this very depressing blog but I always speak the truth ... (majority of the time anyhow).

Love love love my lovely followers.