God I'm beginning to feel shit today, not sure if it's cuz every one around seems to be getting sex and I'm not even allowed to indulge in self pleasure at the moment. I've only got 10 days left but it's just starting to do my head in now. Not because I'm not allowed to have sex, I'm not even interested in that at the moment. I don't even know if I can be bothered to go on a date, unless I actually thought they had a brain and aren't only interested in shagging me and getting off their face on booze and drugs!!!
Why can't it be more straight forward I do want my recovery badly, but I did get a bit annoyed today cuz me sponsor wants me to start going to AA meetings again and I don't want to, I've agreed to go to one on Tuesday to get the 12 and 12 book, but the idea of going back to AA brings dread over me. AA is not good for me, I only end up going in there in the end to check out guys and I know that from the very last meeting I did, Towards the end before I stopped going I was only going to check out guys and when I'm trying to recover as a sex and love addict I know it'll end with me slipping. Not to mention I really don't want to see Wayne and if I start going to AA meetings again I know I'll bump into him sooner or later.
Need a fag will continue later ....
Right been watching the soaps got a little distracted!
I'm not particularly happy that the bank are sending me hate mail through the post either God damn it, I wish they would just fuck off and die!
I want Tom to come back from Oz and to ring me and confess his undying love for me, like that'll ever happen!
God damn it I'm annoyed I'm going!
I know I have been slack with updating, I'll try and update more regularly!