Monday, 4 April 2011

Living on a sinking ship

God I feel like total shit, my throat hurts and I'm probablly getting a cold and I've got like PMT from hell. I sort of feel like no one really gets me right now and it's shit. I broke up with Mike and it's just like it was my decision and I just feel a bit shit cuz I feel like everyone feels I didn't give it a chance but it's not like that. There wasn't just one thing and I think a lot of it is my stuff over his, but I accept that and it pisses me off the way like people always seem to presume your in a relationship or you want to be in one. It's like with me I don't feel like I never want to have a boyfriend again but I don't want one right now. It isn't that I don't want to be close to some one and all the things that are great that come with being in a relationship, but with the sweet comes the sour! So why did I break up with Mike? I ain't going to beat around the bush here I'm just going to come out with it. I felt like the relationship went far too quickly and that kind of thing scares the shit out of me. Meeting his parents after say 3 days it's too quick so that was one thing. Another was that I didn't really feel like we had much fun, it was always like serious shit and I can't deal with serious all the time. He didn't exactly have the most highest sex drive and for some reason in that area it felt odd. Then the problem of him being insecure and telling me I could do better than him, it was a total turn off and then the lack of emotion, I can't be with someone who doesn't express emotion, it just drives me mad and reminds me of dad, and we all know on here that as soon as a boyfriend reminds me of my dad its well and truly over! God why do I feel like a total bitch? Fuck it I'm not going to just keep doi ng things to make other people happy this is a bout me and I'm fed up with always trying to please everyone else. I'm completly restimulated from drinking and I just feel like I don't feel like any one gets where I'm fucking coming from and I just feel so frustrated, not only with people but with myself and I wish I could scream. I feel like I'm on this ship and it's just sinking as the world gets more and more in a state and it's just shit. I'm meant to being doing my C.V right now but I'm so fucking annoyed I can't even think a bout doing it today. FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKINNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGG HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL SHUT FUCKINGGGGGGGGGGGGG UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry I'm at mums and Bex is walking around singing and keeps walking in and out of the fuckign kitchen and it's really begginging to do my fucking head in because I am trying to concentrate and I've got PMT and I swear she's doing it to annoy me. Fuck sake I need a bleeding fag. Sorry to sound so fukcing hopeless right now but thats how I feel and it's shit Much loving followers xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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