Saturday, 12 March 2011

Lovin' turns to leavin' everytime

Well at least I'm the one that goes round saying that all the time and now it has!
Yes me and the guy that I thought I could potentially marry and have babies with broke up with me today!
How do I feel? Utter shit, still really raw too but I guess it is sinking in a little bit more each hour, however doesn't mean it hurts any less! I've cried for what feels like a million years and yet I still feel like there's more to come. I'll wait till I'm in bed though before I cry again.
I wanted everything to be so fucking fabulous and I tried my best I really did, I tried so hard to be a good girlfriend. I didn't even look at other guys when me and Luke was together that's how comitted I was, but fuck it, committment means fuck all these days!
Am I angry and bitter? Well a little I suppose but mainly just heart broken. I wish the pain would stop but it isn't and even though it's hard to think like this right now it's just like the song by Girls alloud goes; "My heart is broken and bleeding, but it's beating". That's what I got to remember and like I always say OK right now I'll probabally go on my usual "I hate all men" and all men are "wankers" phase like I always do after a break up and then slowly second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, week by week, month by month, I'll heal and I'll meet someone and this failed relationship will just be a distant memory just like all the rest.
It feels pretty hopeless at the moment but as they say time is a healer!

I won't ever rule out that I won't love again. cuz I'd rather fall than never to have loved at all! I've got a lot of love to give and I like to think I'm a loving person and that I've got a lot to give, whether that is peoples opinions on me or not.

On the plus side I did get a cool new hat, and gloves from L@%e in Camden Market!

Any how Sorry if this post is depressing, just trying to be honest.

Love to you all!!

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