Sunday, 20 November 2011

Pre Christmas blues :-(

Sorry to be so fucking morbid (and to scare anyone who wasn't aware of this) but its 5 flippin' weeks till Christmas day today which means I have approxamatly 4 weeks 3 days to gain a boyfriend otherwise yet again its another fucking Christmas SINGLE and I can't cope, my shithole of a father has decided that he can't aford to buy me and me sisters presents this year, funny that, yet he can afford to run 2 cars, live in a mortgage free 3 double bedroom (one ensuite) luxurious show room house so heres to you dad GO FUCK YOURSELF! Seriously he's basically fucked up my entire life and now he's too fucking cheap to even bothering to buy me and me sisters prestents God he makes my blood boil just thinking about it!! Oh and whilst we're on the subject of my blood boiling flippin' Chris only asked me to write to him in prison, yes after everything you've read on here ladies and gentlemen can you believe it!
Ok Elle now breeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaathhhh!
*Elle takes big breath*
Nope fuck it I'm still mad, Ok thats all I will say on the matter, if I start ranting about it all I may never stop and then the whole world will be in trouble!!

Note to self, Self inflicted pain...
1) Blood test for Hepititus B- Never ever have unprotected sex EVER AGAIN.... Actually I change me mind, NEVER HAVE SEX AGAIN FULL STOP!
2) Period from hell- Never take a break from the pill periods arn't worth it, I'll deal with the consequences
3) Eye brow wax-Self inflicted!

Is it bad that I'm having a meladrama about the fact that I want to get my hair done, a hollywood wax (for those of you don't know a hollywood is every thing... yes all ya God damn pubes). My eyebrows tinted and a spray tan for my presentation on 16th December (after all Prince Harry could potentially be there) Whatever I need at least £60 and I'm sort of having a heart attack about it! God damn it!! Actually I need like £70 probabally! Fuck it, I'm on a serious hunt for a man now..

Oh and get this right stupid Nik... (yes there is no "C" in his name, kind of ironic really seeing as he is a cunt really) although the fact that he has no "C" in his name screams weirdo, should have known especially seeing as I met him through Ian (the alcoholic idiot that I once mistakenly went out with and what a mistake it was). Hmm me thinks I should stop meeting guys through ex's, good plan Elle...
So anyhows Nik and me sort of had a date... He took me to Asdas and bought me £20 worth of christmas decs (ready for Princess Elle's Christmas santa's grotto) and then I cooked him for dinner (which I would like to point out for 1) I actually let him round me house and I rarley invite boys to my place, partly cuz I can't deal with me mom and sis asking me 1000 and 1 questions the next day and partly cuz I never really how much you can trust those little rats with a penis AKA Men/boys/scumbags 2) because ... I've forgotten the 2nd reson so just because.... Oh hold on because I don't want a bunch of tramps turning up at me house...
Anyhow I never cook for guys cuz I just don't think they're worthy realyl of any of my time... OK so there are a few exceptions to the rules... don't get excited though, just a few...
Any how we watched "Get him to the Greek" the movie with Russell Brand who is fit fit and mmm more fit... Then he went home... at like 2am or whatever time it was... Then he bloody dumped me, little prick, I got dumped by someone I didn't even want to go out with FAN FUCKING TASTIC! Anyhow Right we was still meant to be mates.. I think and he picked me up from night school tuesday and then I wanted to take me to Ikea before christmas Day and he won't cuz he was going on about petrol being too much, and how he's got no money.
Its like what else is he going to do with him time, besides he always conveinietly has money for drugs and alcohol WANKER! Not finished just yet, we was having a row on the phone yesterday and then I accidently dropped the phone and it hung up on him so I thought "fuck it" I didn't bother ringing him back, if he can't be bothered to do me a favour I can't be arsed to waste my words of wisdom on him!!

However now that we're on the subject of men I would just like to have a little rant!
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Why do men have to be so crap! What is it about me and men aye the whole bullshit that I've been hearing since I was 13 ("I just don't want a girlfriend right now").... One month down the line they're with a girl who apparently are bosotted with and end up being together for 7 years, get married and have babies oh and then whoops, wasn't looking where he was going and smash gets hits by a bus... what a shame NOT! ARGHHHHHHHHH!!! Just fucking say it, I'm fed up with men having no balls, think I can't take it? I can!!!!
Yes guys you have to have the uncompfortable fucking break up conversation that goes something like this.......
Him: "Sorry Elle I just can't be with you any more"
Me: "Oh really whys that then, is it me"?
Him: "Honestly Elle, yes, I do really want a girlfriend but your just abit nuts and I don't think I can handle it for the long term, and I thought I'd end it before you get attached"
Me: "finished"?
Him: "Yes..."
Me: "good, you can fuck off now, let me tell you a little bit about me... Your cute, but I'll always be cuter NO MATTER WHAT I'll always be smarter and urm shit... is that the time, you better fuck off now my new dates going to be here in 5 mins, he's only 16, he's got a tighter arse and he can keep going for longer"..
Sorry couldn't resist the last bit...
Any how thats how it should go so please boys spare my feelings and GROW SOME FUCKING BALLS!

Besides all that Sean (my street mate) ain't even got time to meet up with me because he was shopping with some other bird GREAT! and I saw him, dressed up to the nines, he never dresses up to see me! :-(.
Not even Ian wants to go out with me anymore, FUCK thats when you know things are bad.
I've recently self diagnosed myself with overeating disorder cuz I can't stop eating cakes and genral crap, so am getting fatter by the minute...
I want to cry every time I look in the mirror cuz the wanker doctors made me change pills because I'd been on bloody Dianette too long and now my acne's come back so basically I look like one big fat giant zit and then I started thinking of Diesel (like I do every fucking sunday) DID I MENTION I HATE SUNDAYS!!
Yes I may sound like I am feeling sorry for myself, and thats probabaly because I am feeling sorry for meself...
It just feels like it doesn't seem to matter how nice I am, or however hard I work it never flippin' pays off and its just crap!
I feel like everything I do or say at the moment just seems to piss people off and everyones screening my calls, to the point where I rung Beau (the last guy I went out with).
Actually I'm so pissed off I've actually turned me phone off! (I only ever do that when I'm really fucking irrate) and I am...

I probably should say at this point I do have good times, I hope people aren't offended that all I do is rant, I have been enjoying all the events I've been going to with all me lovley mates and hope you don't think I'm an ungreatful little cow, its just I'm struggling at the moment!

Any hows I am going to leave you now with the thought of its amazing how much you seem to want something you can't have and for some reason seems so much more desirable... and I shall leave it there...

Peace out
love love love faithfull followers xxxx

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