Sunday, 13 May 2012

I can show you the world, shining, shimmering, splendid, tell me princess when did you last let your heart decide? I can open your eyes..

OK OK enough I'm going to be sick... That might be due to the exsessive alcohol consumption I cosumed last night, or the fact that I'm starving and the song too! Seriously guys are so full of shit, its just lucky that I'm not nieve enough to beleive it these days which is a good thing really because I've been hurt way too many times by deceitful lies and spoon fed bullshit, what guys justify it as being charming and horney!

Any how so the life and loves of Elle, always an interesting combination (although I guess I would say that because its my life & I'm always totally wrapped up in myself)! Oh come on, all of us are a little, at least I don't pretend I'm not!
So I worked with hot Paul (from work) on wednesday and I think I'm in love with him, don't get me wrong he's a dick (which is why I'm in love with him, I seem to remember from my last blog vaugly that I'd come to the conclusion that I only ever fall for dicks & I'll probabaly end up married to one). So he has 4 kids, which is pretty impressive seeing as he's only 40-somthing, and looks like 30 something, but then again he wasn't the one that in total had to carry them around for a total of 3 years in his belly, or push them out, and as we know after having one your vagina will never look the same again, so after 4 well wow, thats impressive. So she bares his four children (who are now 15, 18, 19 and 21) and he has affairS (yes emphisis on the "S" because it was plural) and now he's back with the woman who he dated when he was 15. (and men say woman can't make up their minds)!!! Any how so he gets up and leaves (Glouster where his ex wife and children live) and moves to Brighton to be with the woman he was with when he was 15, wow men are definitly 110% selifish.
Never the less however shallow this may sound (and it will) he's cute, has good biceps, hardly any grey hair, he laughs at me (not sure if thats actually a good thing, but its better than making guys cry... I think). He offered me a hot chocolate (from costa) and I politley accepted his offer and asked for a small hot chocolate with no cream (trying to watch the weight... sort of.. the potential is there). and then I cheekily ask if he can get me a dairy milk chocolate bar (which I'm 100% addicted to at the moment) and he came back with a medium hot chocolate and a big dairy milk bar (which sort of defeats not having cream on my hot chocolate, but any how fuck it, I made it last 3 days, and I shared it.. a little bit..) So he's in my good books. I'm pretty sure every wednesday he'll be going home with a headache, however if we shag, I'll be quiet.. (unless he makes me come, which is very unlikley because its rare for a guy to be good in bed, and I can't be bothered to fake it anymore, mens egos are too big as it is, at least his is..)
Any hows enough of him...

So David wasn't in on thursday, which totally fucked up my thursday because (and this is going to sound really sad) its sort of the highlight of my week, even if I do then moan about him for the rest of the week. Thats only cuz I'm secretly desperate to shag him (even though he does have a permenant stye, so may have to wear some kind of protective eye wear, can't risk catching it). It pisses me off because it isn't going any where any time soon and I'm running out of patience, may have to move this along a bit quicker... need a plan..

Saw lady boys of Bankok on friday with Princess Andrea, after having deliciosus pizza follwed by amazing chocolate fudge cake mmm love P.E (which for you weirdos that haven't learnt abrivations for places yet it is pizza express... oh and K.G is Kurt Gieger... I think thats how you spell it). So Lady Boys of Bankok, I'm sorry guys I'm turned, they're beautiful, I think I'm going to have to sleep with one of them... I'm still not sure if that means I'm just sleeping with a man anyhow cuz they we're origionally men.. ohh it confusess me so much... after a fabulous show, with me pulling my dress up (at the chest, and down at the back) because I smartly decided to go out without a bra, and my tits we're almost falling out, still no men complaining (just the woman who are trying to compeat, just for the records ladies, there is no competition, and men just can't help being drawn to them, it isn't like I'm going to let them have a squeeze so get over it, there's only one type of man out there, and he's drawn towards big tits)!!! There is probably some Fredudian bullshit written somewhere about men being drawn towards tits because something to do with their mothers, that guy was one sick puppy! All this followed by a pina colada at Browns... "DO YOU LIKE PINA COLADAS, GETTING CAUGHT IN THE RAIN, IF YOUR NOT INTO JUNK FOOD, IF YOU HAVE HALF A BRAIN..".. Sorry couldn't resist, what a fabulous way to end a night, we're such classy bitches us Princess's!!! ;-)

Then it comes to Saturday, me and Tara after a long 4 hours or hair and makeup and a bottle of wine, I almost look like barbie, mixed with drag queen and so close to perfect it hurts lol, (no it physically hurts, I don't think I can see any more from the amount of eye makeup.. and I can already feel my pores clogging, still I am a woman and later on all this wasted time did go to quite good use). We arrive in Town just before midnight, into the club & I'm already flirting with every guy in site (which as I pointed out isn't too great due to far too much makeup) and alcohol cunsumption always makes ugly people look more attractive. Any hows so I start by buying myself my 1st drink, don't want guys to think I'm a tramp (as in I'm really poor I can't even afford a drink). After this large glass of rose (baring in mind we've already consumed a bottle before leaving the house... actually we drunk most of it on the bus.. but shhhh I'm trying to sound classy here... classyish...) and then we dance and I begin to get warmed up, any how started to chat up this ridiculously tall guy Paul (he must have been 7 foot, I'm actually not joking) he turned out to be a right dick actually, and the stupid fucker didn't even buy me a drink!! Still can always rely on oldies who count themselves privilliged that they even get to look at me, let alone by me and tara a drink, so I do my usual thing of oh my God your so nice, I'm going to go have a dance, come and find me in a bit ;-) and swan off to find some other mug to buy us a drink... (and dance of course.. I'm pretty pissed this time and think I need to show everyone my fabulous dance moves). which turn out to cripple me the next morning... afternoon, we didn't get home till 4.30am! Any how I have this terrible habbit of smoking when drunk (accept don't be ridiculous I wouldn't dream of buying them) so I do what I've recently realised works, by telling boys who smoke that its my 21st birthday today and they gulibally believe me and I get free fags all night. (This one might not work long term as if you go to the same place alot in short spaces of time, the same people tend to go to these places and men are stupid, but not even men are THAT stupid.. you get my drift).
Any how so after shamelessley flirting with the bouncer all night he gives us a lift home after buying us food (I shamlessly ate meat, which happens reguarly when I'm drunk). I was so greatful to get into my bed and sleep for the whole night (appart from I woke up once thinking I might throw up, but I wasn't thankfully and I went back to sleep)...
Oh let me briefly finish up about Paul (the guy I met in the club, not the guy from work) he was an idiot, he told me he just came out of an 8 year relationship and just wanted to shag me, and I told him I was on hunt for a husband and I was too good for him (which is beyond true) and then I sort of fell on him kind of and then stumbled off back to the dance floor to show everyone clearly how sexy I am when I'm drunk lol *CRINGE*!!

So now we are sunday afternoon/evening and I'm starving, in need of a bath, followed by chocolate and bed combined with Ally McBeal (which for now is my porn until I get SATC back)

Peace out lovers!


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