Feeling hot, hot, hot...

Wow would you believe it, 24th July & we have sun Bingo, God we're so spoilt in Britain ;-)!!

So its been say 22 days since I wrote, 3 weeks and 1 day, for the average person they probabaly would have just gone about their every day life and not too much would have happened, however already establishing that I'm not the average person and say I get about as much excitment in 3 weeks than the avarage person might get in the entire year!

So Iain, who I have just decided to replace with the words "The Cunt" because his name gives me shivers down my back, he was being a bigger prick than usual (yes apparently it is possible). Him and Becca were arguing through the whole house, she was in tears and he was just basically not giving a shit because lets face it why would he, he's a self obssesed arrogont twat. Any how it was so bad that both me and mum walked out that night, I ended up eating out alone because I was so hungary and couldn't bare to be at the house, I think mum went for a drink alone. Lukily Princess Andrea came and met me and that really helped, having me pals support me over these extremly tough times is one of the few things thats keeping me going. Proper angels!!
So I came home later to realise that they we're both totally oblivious to the fact that they made both me and mum walk out.
Mum stayed up till 3am crying, I tried to stay awake till she went to bed but ended up just passing out with the top light on and my glasses on whoops!
So the next day I texted Jacqui and told her to ring mum, so she looked after mum for the whole day and I tried to support her as much as I felt I could into finally doing something about this situation which has gone on far too long.
Any how so as usual the weekend past and nothing was said, and as usual no-one apart from me said how I really felt. Heaven forbid that we actually say what we actually feel, does my fucking head in!

I ran away the weekend after because I simply couldn't cope anymore my mental health was through the roof, anxiety and depression, I felt suicidally depressed so decided that staying with friends would be a wise idea, good support & distraction. When I'm in a state like that I have to do whatever I can to keep well!!
It was a weekened that really hit the spot in every way possible. Had lush food at Princess Andreas friday night and then went to the pub where I found a fish bowl full of business cards so decided to grab a load and text all the males with mobiles saying "hi sexy" and left my number on the back of a few of them and put them back in the fish bowl. Was a slightly disapointing outcome, didn't get dates from any of them which is a shame. Still their loss not mine right?
Made amazing cupcakes saturday that was loadsa fun :D. We then went over to Kates and Dani come over too and we just spent the whole evening eating cake mmm love it and chatting and watching funny TV programmes, was a really good evening! We spent most of the sunday in our pjs, good times ;-).
Unfortunatly came back to world war 3 on sunday, wasn't too bad though because I just stayed up in my room... I think I tend to suffer from memory loss a lot in my old age ;-).

Any how so then Kat (me cousin) come down on the wednesday and that was good, its always good when shes down because she's so funny, I laugh so much when she comes to visit, and even at 22 weeks pregaz, its so weird to think of her as pregnant, shes having a little boy, hope he's cute, well can guarentee it up until the age of about 3 and then it depends, could go either way I suppose...

So last weekend just passed well well well friday night I was like nah not going to get pissed this weekend just having a couple glasses of wine and be done with it, however that all changed when I bumped into the boy in a pub along Lewes Road, YES THE BOY as in the one that I was desperate to have sex for, for at least a month, well I think I can well and truly say I fucked up even potentially having a one night stand with him!
I downed my large glass of rose, I'd had a small glass of rose prior to this and a pimms and lemonade. Then I decided to drink 4 vodka & lemonades. After telling everyone that I don't drink vodka, so I was drunk, I wouldn't say quite pareletic but I was drunk meaning I lost all embarresment. Oh Jesus I even sat on the boys lap at one point, he clearly wasn't interested at all. I think I did inform him that I had a crush on him, although I didn't actually listen to his response... or maybe I didn but I don't remember.
He did let me where his coat though, I think I had to guilt trip him into that, just before he left I stood there going "your leaving me" like over and over again as if we'd been together or something! God damn him he looked so fuckable on friday, more than ever!
Any how he fucking left and so he's a cunt right and I should just stop thinking about him right?  Shame I can't get him out of my head!!
Enough of that it's pissing me off!
Saturday morning felt fairly reasonable considering, although buy the afternoon I felt like someone had tipped me upsdide down and shook me, not a good feeling, or look!
I was meant to be going on a date with some guy called Marc from the internet, which didn't end up happeneing because I got to the station at half 8 to meet him and he kindly informed me his train wasn't due till 9.10pm (he lives in Worthing) and therfore wouldn't arrive in Brighton till 9.38pm so I was like there isn't much point there, I wondered around for 2 hours and then went home! I didn't give him a second chance, kind of figured if he's that unorginised this early on what the fuck would he be like 2 weeks down the line, don't want to chance it really!!

So sunday it was hot so got up early to go see me nan and bought myself a lush new dress, I felt I deserved it after being stood up previous night, fuck me new dresses and mates are so much better that boys.
Went for sunday roast with Rhea and Andrea, then chilled out in the Pavilion Gardens in the sun listening to top ass tunes, followed by yummy cupcakes from cloud nine and softails from all bar one. Good times, went for a glass of wine at the local with Becca after too (we're talking again now, cannot be bothered to be more stressed than I already am).

So last wednesday you'll never guess who I bumped into... only Ian Mccoriston, hadn't spoken to him in months, apparently he's in rehab now and he's allowed out now. (He wasn't allowed out for 1st 3 months). I couldn't believe he'd actually got sober, I'd sort of given up on him because he was always chatting shit. Still I'm quite impressed that he's done it.
I met up with him for a smoothie last night because I decided that everyone deserves a 2nd chance in life and even though he's been a nightmare in the past he'd never actually been horrible to me, apart from telling everyone we'd had sex loads which is a lie, but guess I should feel flattered really. He didn't bully me though like Chris did. Anyhow I'm glad he's gotten sober, I just hope he sticks with it. It'll be worth it one day!!

So I have a new crush too, I don't exactly know this guy, I've seen him about loads in last few months, and I saw him a couple days ago near the Steine, sunday I think, and then I saw him again in asda last night. I was thinking hmm what are you doing here, ha ha cuz clearly asda belongs to moi.   ;-). He was with a girl, an older man and an older lady and I was trying to work out wether the girl was his g/f and the older lady and gentlemen were her parents or if she was his sister and the older lady and gentlemen were his mum and dad. Well currently I don't even know his name so some serious stalking is in order me thinks...

Was having serious money issues and then my DvD player decided to pack in at the worse possible time and I thought I might physically break down, because I'm a drama queen and thats what drama queens do... actually its because I have BPD and unexpected things throw me off and I panic and can't think straight! Anyhow lukily for me Ettie and Chris kindly saved my back by giving me theirs!
My friends truly are angels. Gods definitly got my back this time.

on that note I'm going to finish because I've written loads anyhow already, this will keep ya busy for a while....
peace out
love xxxxxxxxxxx