Monday, 2 July 2012


I've started reading "Memoirs of Cleopatra" recently, recommended by Lauren & to get a  better understanding I ordered to movie, the most recent one with Billy Zane, L'eonor Varela and Timothy Dalton!
It's such a brilliant story, even though its true long ago and although the movie is just actors I believe that they portray it well. It really gets me thinking (always a bad thing). I stared thinking that in 2000 years how much has really changed? Yes we live in democracy now, and when we have wars they're nuclear and it isn't how it was back then in that respect. But I think when it comes to love & relationships how different is it? Well I'll tell you one thing, I wouldn't have wanted to die young & live through mayhem but Caesar is one of the most powerful men in the whole of the world, yet when he falls in love for Cleopatra and he really does fall in love with her, true love, its like so passionette, and I wonder if thats what Britain lacks is passion, it seems to me that alcohol and drugs is the only passion people have these days, I hate it. I guess places like Egypt were probabaly much more passionette places to live, take Italy for example they're passionatte about food, Egypt has the pyramids, France has the Eiffle tower and Spain is just, I don't really know but there is definitly a certain Aura that people from these countries carry & the other thing us British seem to carry is drink/drug problems, the weight of the world on our shoulders and anything possible to moan about.

Recently I've been really thinking about men (ok ok I know I'm always thinking about men) in a sort of way of what do I want. What do I really want, I'm forever breaking up with guys for what seem like slightly shallow reasons like they're hairs weird, or they ring me too much, or they want to see me all the time, or they never call me, or they're boring, or their eyebrows are too long, or some crap like that. Although I suppose what I'm really feeling is lack of passion and maybe thats why I keep breaking up with these guys, they're all just the same person in different bodies and slightly different stories. I want a man who gives me an apitite, and not for food, my passion and desire for food is fine, but I'm talking about an appitite for life!
A man that makes me want to get up early and give me this energy that I've only really ever felt from foreign woman before, usually from France or Spain! A man who makes my heart race and my whole body quiver with just one touch, and not just the first time we make love but forever more, a man who is like a book, leaves me hungary for more!
A man who is brave, and by that I don't mean someone who will remove a spider for me when I'm having an anratonphobia fit, and not a man who goes and beat the shit out of someone for whatever reason. I mean a man who isn't affraid to speak his fears, a man who knows how to cry and show his emotions, a man that looks like a fucking man, I'm fed up with having to fucking diet all the time because all the guys around me are small and skinny, I want a man who is tall with sturdy legs, strong arms, a body built like a tree trunk, big, but firm!
Instead I'm surrounded by silly little boys who have legs like chickens, are skinny like an anerexic cat, big arms from taking steroids, and they're whole body looks out of proportion, or they just have arms like twigs! I'm not sure whats worse!! There's an alternative to going out with a man whose obease, you'll probabaly find him burger king, both are seriously depressing!
Half of them don't even have proper facial hair, and then when they do it goes bloody ginger and it just reminds me of that little freak Faigan from Oliver twist!
Most of the boys who attempt to go out with me can't read they think reading car magazines or newspapers class as reading it doesn't, they totally shocked that someone with blond hair is reading an actual book I mean jesus christ!
Most of them don't last much longer than 10 minutes when having sex and then they role over and go to sleep, I'm not sure any of them, well at least any of the ones I've been with know the art of making love!
Half of them can't dress, they walk around with they're bums hanging out of their jeans, and majority of them seriously need a haircut!
The most recent guy, ha suprisingly called Chris (which is a no go in itself really) he spoke in 3rd person and that is annoying shit.
I know your probabaly thinking wow she must think shes the fucking bees knees and that I'm basically slagging off all British men, which is kind of unfair of me seeing as I haven't obviously met every British man, but I'm just trying to express myself from what I know and have seen and how I feel, please try not to be offended. I'm trying to get across my frustration!
No I do not think I'm the bees knees, but I'll tell you, I know how to dress, I know how to make my make up look good, I know how to read a book, not just a magazine, an actual book!  A noval!
I know how to cook, I have a passion for baking, I appriciate art in all its forms, I have an imagination beyond any mans wildest dreams, I have this passion like fire burning deep inside me, which is waiting to be unleashed just as soon as it senses someone worthy enough for it to be realesed.
I haven't been sleeping well recently, I'm not sure if thats to do with the whole male thing, I think its a mixtue of that, mixed with a long hang over, mixed with anxiety of being alone, being left behind, worrying about stupid day to day things. It doesn't seem to matter what time I go to bed and how early I get up I just can't seem to sleep fully without fear! Thank God I'm seeing the homepath tomorrow, and the physio wednesday!
My eyes are feeling heavy and my mind is off with my imagination!

Peace out my Prince's and Godess's cxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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