Thursday, 24 June 2010

Yet another shitty thursday...

It's actually Friday now if I was to be accurate cuz it's already past midnight.
I'm up Jacqui's house and she's being a moody cow so decided to be a marter and sleep on the sofa, it's all an exscuse to come on here really and write my blog, but I wasn't going to tell her that.
So I haven't checked in for a while, I really need to get a fucking lap top it's like suicide coming round here or going up mums to actually do something.
Right now I feel like I've hit beyond rock bottom only there's no fucking rope to help me back up and part of me just feels like I want to die, I just sit around at home with my debts floating round my head getting bigger and bigger each day and thinking maybe it would just be better if I died, I feel like my life is going to go absolutly fucking no where.
Tried talkig to mum, but she just doesn't get it, no one does any more and I just kind of get this feeling that every ones patience is running out and I'm just going to die a misurable cow.
swear I think too much.
Can I scream yet? Or would it be better to cry?
It has now been over a week since I've been completly single and I just don't know how long I can do it for, it's so fucking shit being alone and feeling alone. May I just say if one more fucking person moans a bout their relationship with a man/woman I may actually have to kill them... Maybe I'm being insensitive, but all I want is to be in love and when people around me are moaning a bout being in love, I just feel like saying "TRY LIVING MY LIFE"!!!
So I thought I may be pregnant, I had all the signs, I felt sick all the time, dizzy and just in general felt pregnant, anyhow turns out I'm not, part of me feels disapointed, but I guess there's a part of me that feels relieved cuz I don't just want a baby with any old prick. I.E Greggo Weggo, Wayne the pain and certainly not Ash the trash.
Speaking of who, I saw him yesterday.... Wednesday, he went into corals the betting shop and so I did the mature thing and went in to say hi, after all I'm always going to bump into ghosts from the past may as well just fucking aknowlege them, otherwise I'll spend my whole life running away and I can't be arsed with the hassel...
Alternativly I could just run away and right now that's not looking like such a bad idea.
Fuck it I can't even get my fags cuz they're up stairs and I'm being stubborn, damn it and my phone fuck sake.
Notes to myself next time I strop off make sure fags, Lighter and phone are always with me!!
Any how enough for tonight I shall try and inform you again sooner rather later in the new dramas in my life.
Good night

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