Oh fucking dear God, well actually I don't believe in God so he can go and fuck himself, and whilst your at it so can every man that exists!
I started dating this guy Diesal AKA "Ricky" and "Jess", we all know what type of guy has 3 different names SMACK HEADS! That sums him up nicely. The only mistake I made was meeting him!
Pathetic, sure I've met a lot of men that talk out their arse but he is by far the biggest bullshitter that I've ever met!!
So we're going out and he's wearing his Jasper Conran 1000 pound suit and I'm thinking how good is this. He's telling me he's got a 9 inch cock and that he's going to look after me and take me places no man has been before. Yeah laugh all you want but for some stupid lustful reason I believed him!
Well surprise surprise it never happened like that and it was all lies.
Well this is just ridiculous when he decided to ring the police on for me cuz I wanted to get me stuff back!
Well I got my stuff back and then that's it!
I wash my hands on men forever. Do I sound dramatic? Well maybe I am but fuck it how much shit can one person take from a man that promises you the world and leaves you with nothing.
All I wanted is to be loved and where did that get me? Feeling dreadful!!
Any how so besides all that shit I bought cosmopolitan for a bit of research time always my favorite time. Especially cuz I haven't done research cuz I've been pissing a bout chasing good for nothing men!
Any how haven't actually read it cover to cover but apparently I like exciting sex and I should try to get more intimate with guys ha ha that's a joke why would I want to do something like that?
So just by getting this magazine I realize what a sexist world we still live in. Asking men how many guys is acceptable for a woman to sleep with and if they've slept with over a certain amount then they're not interested I mean HELLO fuck off!
I was actually feeling disgusted by that.
Then there's the "BIG O" which stands for Orgasm which you already guessed and giving all this sex advice that I'm pretty certain the majority of woman already know. It's like please give us girlie s a break its them men it should be directed at not us ladies!!
Oh right "10 sexy ways to go green" in brief one is having a shower with your man (urm and if your single....), 2 is organic lingerie apparently feels a lot nicer (and twice the price) 3 switch off the lights when you have sex (we fucking do that anyhow), 4 instead of straghting or curling your hair just get up looking like a tramp (oh yes the look I really want to go for) 5 stop tumble drying (who actually has them these days any how not when your 21 and don't live your 'rents) 6 wait longer to turn the heating on snuggle up to your man (no its fine cuz if your fucking with someone then I guess it's fine but if your SINGLE then your fucked arn't you) 7 stop buying books become a geek and go to the libary (yeah then pay a stupid fucking fine when you forget to return them great plan) 8 stop using your dishwasher and use your hands (how a bout fuck off) 9 stop driving and reduce petrol (yeah either freeze in the cold waiting for the bus to not get a seat or walk and sweat to death) 10 oh my favourite start using solar-powered vibrator (give me a fucking break).
So in conclusion men are a bunch of wankers who are crap in bed and clearly do not give a shit a bout any one except themselves and magazines are full of expensive shit and celebs that no one will ever look like without surgery and we live in a complete sexist world!
So there we go!
Time now to fuck men (not litrally) get off my arse and get a damn good job so I can buy a hell of a lot new clothes and shoes and look the sex like the old days ;-)