Thursday, 2 September 2010

New month ... surley a new start ha ha not so tru. Thursday 2nd September.

Well usually people write I'm not sure where to start and I'm usually one of these people. Well the obvious answer is to start at the beginning, however if I start at the beginning then you may well just be reading forever.
So my last blog I was on a trip to do research.
Well I didn't really do much research on men but I did have a long talk with Amy and that made me feel a lot better.
I was feeling a lone on the fact that I can't seem to hold down a relationship, a job or money for that matter. I'm guessing the job front and money front are both things relatively easily to achieve but when it comes to relationships I'm 100% mystified!
This dark cloud is sort of attached to my head and it just keeps fucking raining. I don't want to say it but me mum was cursed when it comes to men and so am I!

I always go on a bout how there's something wrong with them but I guess I can't be doing everything to perfection. Who wants to be fucking perfect anyhow. Perfect ain't real and I'm exhausted enough from consistently trying to look good in case I bump into an ex (yes does happen on a daily basis).
Bex and Iain had their one year anniversary today and the more time goes by the more I feel like I'm losing my grip! It just takes a few minutes to look around the City to see that is surrounded by stupid happy couples. On the bus, at the bus stop, in bars, clubs, trains, shopping, even the park isn't safe anymore without sickening couples.
Do these people not have any respect for the single people in the world cuz heres something if I'm on a bus (I generally don't want to be on the bus to begin with and usually I get fat smelly people coming to sit next me ewwwwwww). So for couples a word of fucking advice us single people do not want to have to sit behind you on a bus whilst your kissing each others faces off. it is painful and unnecessary.

So instead of going back to big Jame's and his cock being too big and he was a druggie and little james who just was never horny and I can't remember before he came a long it was too long away and I can't even remeber what happened yesterday so lets just say I'm blond by hair and blond by nature!
Any how this is not finished. I haven't even started mentioning chris so to find out more watch this space!!!!!!!!!!!!


Ok it is now actually Tuesday so much for writing the next day, hey ho I'm writing now and that's what counts. So as per usual its late, 1.14am actually so technically it is actually Wednesday but lets face it accuracy is not me strongest point.

So Chris.
Where to begin. I'd seen Chris a bout for the last year or so with some older woman and seeing as they was always holding hands I just presumed it was his girlfriend which she was. I'd spoken to Chris once when he was with her and then I never really saw him to talk to at least. That was until he broke up with her and started hanging a round near where I live in Hove with loads of tramps.
To begin with I never really knew him that well I was just a bit concerned a bout him cuz he was slicing his wrists to pieces and was drinking a hell of a lot and hanging out with loads of trampie alcoholics.
I stupidly took it on the responsibility for looking out for him, kind of ended up being a sort of social worker for him and then before I knew it my feelings got involved (always a bad thing with a guy like Chris).
So one thing led to another and he and me ended up going out, we slept together a few times although he hardly ever wanted to which wasn't so great for me but i guess I just kind of put up with it.
He did drive me mad. You've probably noticed I've been writing he did drive me mad and we did sleep together etc. We ain't together anymore. There's only a certain amount of shit one person can take and I was well over the limit with Chris.
I actually don't think he ever really listened to me, he was never really that affectionate even when I cried. I tried so hard to make it work.
After attempting to break my arm (which he still claims as an accident), shouting at me, making me cry, stealing off me, letting his supposed trampie mate talk to me like shit on the bottom of his shoe and not stick up for me once how could I possibly continue a relationship with him?

He is once screwed up guy and I hate to say this cuz I hate giving up on people but he's a hopeless case. He's the type of guy that gets girls pregnant and then they get the kid taken off them.
He's the type of guy who lets you down over and over again. Breaks promises, compulsive liar and then after you stop wanting to see them or don't contact them they wonder why.
Well I may not be perfect but I know one thing I don't deserve to be treated like shit.
I am feeling pretty mad right now though. I was so nice to him and I tried so hard to be what he wanted to be and in the end I just started to slip down a slippery slope myself and for me that is always trouble!
It's strange Chris's identical twin brother seems so sorted compared to Chris and it's mad cuz they both had to same up bringing.
Any how at least I can speak to his brother and his brother's girlfriend Stacey they're really nice!
Any how I've written enough a bout that the more I think a bout it the more angry I get!
Fuck it every one knows how to get over an ex is to get another man and that's exactly what I will do! Give it a couple weeks and they'll be someone else.
There always is .
Peace out!

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