Good old East 17.. Yes I've been listening to Christmas music... In October... It's almost November.. Fuck it, it's acceptable to listen to chrismas music in November... right... Although saying that I'm not sure really how that song really relates to Christmas... it sort of is a bit compforting.. actually thats bollocks. Any how I was trying to cheer meself up listening to Christmas music although in actual fact its had the complete oppisite effect and as a bi polar sufferer I should know this. Most of the time I'm not talking to me family and I'm always single so basically the whole shinanagan of christmas being about love and joy is more about hate and tears! How depressing!
So enough of that!
Hmmm note to self... walking up North Street... yet again another trampy fast food place opened... my thoughts, Oh joys just what Brighton needs another fast food place... obesiety is on the up rise.... AGAIN!
Just a quicky...
So the life of Princess Elle... Fuck me where do I begin, I rarley sleep there's like virtually no time I'm so stupidly busy...
Well things with Tom I think I can safley say are over, he doesn't even bother replying to my facebook messages anymore. He even untagged himself from my pictures too WANKER! I wrote him, but I very much dobut he'll even bother reading it. So me thinkies I should delete him from facebook... infact maybe just block him and that way I shall no be tempted to "stalk" him.
Good plan... although I did really want him to see the recent pictures of me on facebook looking happy and fabulous... It may be fake but he doesn't know that. I don't want him to think I'm just sitting at home obsessing over him... I sort of am doing that but he doesn't need to know that. However something deep inside me is telling me that he doesn't actually give a flying fuck and clearly I'm a twat for thinking that a 16 year old boy could be anything but like Tom! WHAT A MUG... (me I mean)... actually he's a mug too but for other reasons..
So we have esablished (hopefully) by this point that I'm feeling just a tad low... I actually was thinking earlier about Tom and men in general and after sending a text to Terry (yes I know I'm an idiot please don't say anything) I realised that it probabaly isn't Tom, I mean yes to a certain extent it was, it was like I really fancied him, and when we was away he was like this totally understanding guy who seemed to say everything I needed to hear and was just genrally lovley and yes maybe I'm just a little bit nieve still but I thought he actually meant it... what a fool I was ... I should have learnt by now that guys aren't in it for the whole with me.
Its like guys who go, "I just ain't looking for a relationship right now" and then a month later they're in a relationship and it's like mate why don't you just grow some balls and say what you really mean "you just don't want a relationship with me". Thats really depressing. To know that despite all of what people say to me I know that I'll never get married and have babies like everyone else.
Sometimes I can deal with it and other times it makes me want to kill myself.. Especially when I see (acception of me mom for obvious reasons) every one else in my family is in a relationship... Jennets with Matt, Kats with Dan, Bex is with Iain, Jax is with Nick and Ollys with Kat.
Wow its going to be a long and lonley life... although if I continue to make meself ridiculosly busy then time'll go quicker and I won't notice so much that I'm alone.
See this ain't about Tom, this is about men and how every guy I attempt to get with I hold that tiny bit of hope thats basically thread bare now and I hope that maybe just maybe he'll like me and he won't dump me before the week is through...
Ok enoughs enough, I need to retire to Bedforshire, I got work tomo and a very busy week ahead as always!
Good night my lusious followers