MORBID MORBID MORBID I'M SO FUCKING FUCKED OFF RIGHT NOW I SWEAR I SHOULD BE FUCKING LOCKED AWAY INCASE OF WHAT I MIGHT ACTUALLY FUCKING DO, I'M BEYOND FUCKING ANGRY, I'M BEYOND FUCKING FURIOUS. FUCK IT I'M SO FUCKED I'M CRUMBELING TO FUCKING PIECES!
Exscuse the rant.
It's just you know when one thing after another seems to go wrong and you think jesus I'm already in fucking overdrive and then your thinking to yourself "wow at least it can't get any worse" and then it does and your mystified and wonder what you've done so fucking wrong to deserve all this shit. Karma man, this is my past catching up with me. Dear God I am so fucking sorry for all the sins I've commited but I'm begging you to help me out here!!
I keep flippin' drinking and why? Well me mum seems manically depressed and for once it's not down to me... I don't think...
I've got 2 weeks one day to move house and I'm fucked because I have found nothing, I haven't even viewed any yet and I'm looking virtually every day and I'm losing the will to live let alone to motivate myself to actually continue to look.
Ended up at terrys Friday night (after clubbing consuming far too much alcohol). Me being me thought it would be a smart idea to continue consuming vodka. Dancing around the living room with Terry to love songs, in his clothes and kissing him- even though I know it's wrong when I'm drunk and depresesed a bloke only has to touch me and it's like a fucking naked live wire!
Any how no I didn't sleep with him, once was a mistake, twice was not cool, 3 times would have just made me the biggest twat... EVER!
I went to bed at 5am he fucked off out to go sort his mate out (clearly going to another girls house). At 7am I woke up, rung him and heard his phone ringing in the living room and went down stairs to investigate. Only to find him passed out eating a packet of crisps on the sofa! I did try and get him to come to bed and then he sort of grunted at me so I went back to bed and then about 10 minutes later I heard him stumble up the stairs fall in the door and he slumped down at the end of the bed (it was quite amusing watching him attempt to take his socks off).
We slept top to tale that night! Am I sad?
Fuck it why would I want to be with someone who doesn't want me. Any how I want Ben...
Don't say anything that ship has sailed and I've started reading "Woman who love too much" again. I need to get back onto the road to recovery all these men are bad for me.
I'm sitting in the internet cafe listening to "missing you" by Puff Daddy for the 10th time, and guess what!? I'm thinking about Diesel, but hey as the lyrics go... "I know your in heaven smiling down"!
To make it worse me nan got admitted to hospital and I didn't really know what happened and ended up having a fucking anxiety attack on the way home from work. Got to the hospital as soon as I could and spent four hours up there.
You know what I need?
I need a great big fucking joint! But hey till Emily finishes her exams I guess ciggys will have to do!!
5 mins left to go!
Can I go home and slash my wrists up now??
Hmmm nah that'll have to wait need time out.
Going up Mats.
Sorry my darlin's I know it has all been tragically depressing recently but I promise give me... a month and I'll turn it all around.
Oh one last thing get this Me: "Does Terry actually want to talk to me"?
Stacey: "He says no, he doesn't talk to thick cunts".
aw wow he just sleeps with them and invites them back to his house...
I think I don't even need to comment on that comment you know what I mean!! ;-)
Peace out my followers!
Love love love