Sunday, 1 May 2011

Dear Jesus I know I haven't always been a good girl but I'm begging you for forgivness, please send some luck my way...

I'm mortified that its been 21 days since I last wrote. Exscuse the title not everything is bad but why is it when it comes to men I am just so totally fucked up!?
A couple of weeks ago I sat at home contimplating suicide, so I cut up my arms and then decided enough was enough, so I packed a suit case and I left, I got on a train and went to London, I met up with this guy Matt who was a total weirdo (and also apparently one of Lukes mates). He was really discusting and so me being me fell off the wagon i.e got very drunk. Some how ended up in bed with Matt's brother Luke (no not my ex Luke). any how we didn't have sex, although we could have done if you know what I mean.
I ended up going to my Luke's the next night and staying at his and then he wouldn't sleep with me so I guess I had to once and for all accept that it was over for good. So I left and then we was still talking on the phone for a bit till I decided as long as I keep talking to him on the phone I'll never truly get over him. So I deleted his number and that was that finito.
Started going on dates with other guys which were all 99.9% disasterious James is not particuarly cool, he wanted to have sex in an ally me being me got all frigid and freaked out so apparently now I'm a "cock tease". Wow ain't been called that since I was 15. (this is not cool, but after being in sex therapy I can't just sleep around any more).
So then there was Andy- jesus he tried to snog me and I didn't really fancy him in the slightest so that was him gone.
Then there was Adam, nice guy, didn't really fancy him and has far too many issues.
Then there was Nathan, now where do I begin with Nathan, extremly good looking, the most arrogent prick I may have met so far. Got the hump cuz I wouldn't sleep with him and he wasn't particuarly that nice either so that was him crossed off too.
Went out for the Royal Wedding that was fabulous and I had lots of fun, however it all kicked of last night at Iain (bex boyfriends birthday party). Alcohol is the enemy.
I was dressed up to the nines in a massive ball gown and heels and curly hair and a tiara and I have to say I did look the business.
So Ben was there (Iain's bro) we sort of had a bit of a thing about 18 months ago, it didn't end well and I was slightly apprehensive about seeing him again. He blanked me for the 1st few hours then of course when the alcohol kicked in flirted with me outragously.
So then we all go off to the club (well the majority of us any how, Becca, Iain, Jacqui and Nick didn't come).
I ended up having a massive strop because obviously Ben wouldn't get with me because Becca and Iain are together and so apparenlty it would be too weird.
According to him I'm pretty and a nice girl, but I'm totally nuts and thats why he wouldn't get with me for fuck sake if one more guy tells me I'm fucking pretty I will go mad, it isn't about fucking looks. Oh you wait it gets better ... it always does with me....
Luke only fucking texts me for fuck sake why can't he just let me get on with my life God damn it!!
Then by the end I was so pissed off I was in need of fags so I walked off with no money and I walked all the way back from Brighton, to mums in 4 inch stileto heels and a ball gown at 3.30am, got into bed about 5am me no happy bunny. (for those of you who don't know my mum lives up in Hollingbury near asda).
My feet aree virtually bleeding, everything aches I maybe getting a cold and once again I'm conimplating suicide so sorry for this very depressing blog but I always speak the truth ... (majority of the time anyhow).

Love love love my lovely followers.

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