Please remind me why I don't drink. It was not cool to have got drunk Friday night, I am nutto nuts, yes more than usual and I am still recovering now.
So I went out with Zoe, Becki, Emma, Paul and Rhea, fucking amazing night, I have a feeling I did kiss some total randomer when I was walking to the club (and no I didn't catch his name). Aren't I classy ha ha.
after my last blog I got to learn what Terry was really like.
I wish I could say I don't care but unfortunatly I do.
I did really like him and it was never what I'd call a equal relationship from the beggining but I did learn something, I learnt that you should never sleep with blokes who never give you a straight answer from the beggining and be very careful about how much you let your guys in and how quickly you let your guard down to people you don't know that well.
So there we have it the laughs on me again, and I won't sit here and act like I don't care because I do but I'm strong, I've been through a lot worse and I always come through it in the end.
I got to thinking about life today and the fact that I spend alot of time worrying about where my life is going but then I started to really think about my life and me as a person and I started thinking, sure I may not have the perfect body and I may not be little miss stunning, but personality wise I am nice, I'm not malicious, I'm not nasty and I spend my life trying to help people and trying to be there for people if they need me.
So overall right now even though I am fundamentally knakared and I've been used once again by yet another guy, I am OK.
So I have a date lined up on sunday with my new bouncer "friend".
He's actually really cool so even if nothing happends at least I've made another mate and you can never have enough mates.
Made friends with Zoe too who I met through Terry, so at least it wasn't all bad I made a new friend out of being used and abused.
Aw I actually love me pals they're all totally amazing.
Going to just concentrate on doing my courses and having fun right now, I think men, in my life need to take a back seat for a while (ha ha and if your believing that then you'll believe any thing I say).
So I am sitting at my mums being nagged to do the washing up and trying to ignore the face that Becca and Iain I swear delibratly try to bring up Ben as much as possible to try and get a reation out of me. Or maybe its just because I am head over heels in love with him it makes me cross to hear his name because I then end up going over and over in my head about all the things he said and did and then its like a bomb exploding in my face "HE DOESN'T WANT TO BE WITH ME". Bam, so there we have it I can't deal with having to have that thrown in my face every day and I'm done with having "Ben fits". (For those of you who don't know what a "Ben fit" is, it's when I recall everything that happened between me and Ben and it goes round and round in my head to the point where I'm so angry I want to scream at the top of my lungs, throw my phone against the wall and have to punch pillows to avoid smashing up everything I own. Quite self explanitry really...).
Alternativly I could replace them with "Terry fits" although I don't want to give him the satisfaction of thinking he actually got to me.
I used to have Luke fits...
Any how enough of that I did say on my last post I would put some more great lyrics up that to me are great for attempting to take back control so once I've done the washing up (to avoid being nagged) and been to the toilet before I pee in my pants (yes I do still suffer from TB- and for the strange people who don't get this it stands for "tiny bladder".) I will add lyrics.
However for now peace out and love to my faithful, trusty followers ...
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Ok fuck it, won't let me copy and paste so I'll just write song titles and you can just google them yourselves...
- Not Big- Lily Allen
- Single Ladies- Beyonce
- You outta know- Allaniss Morrisette
- Fuck you right back- Frankee
- Don't think of me- Dido
- Telephone- Lady Ga ga
- I'm over you- Martine McCutcheon
- I will survive- Gloria Gaynor.
I will add more but me minds blank right now, that's a start tho...
xx
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