My breathing started getting heavier, my eyes started to prick, I gulped back the tears. The idea of having to feel anything is beggining to terrify me! Although if I honestly think about it, I am feeling absolutly terrified anyhow.
I want so badly to keep things together bit I just can't anymore.
As I sit on the sofa the sound of the tele and the buzzing from the computer sound so distant.
I'm wearing Terrys clothes, his trousers and jumper, and as I wrap my arms around myself I could almost convince myself there's someone there holding me, telling me not to kill myself. Not to fall apart and that I'm not a bad person and that things will be OK.
Then something clicks inside of me and I realise here I am alone, sitting in my mums house whilst her and Becca are in Dublin and I'm just completly alone.
I can't hold myself together anymore. I feel like I've just lost it completly and I don't know what to fucking do!
I could sit here all night typing away how I feel as I shake and cry alone but whats the point any more. Whats the fucking point of life anymore. Maybe Diesel did have to right idea afterall.
I think who would even fucking notice if I wasn't around anymore and would any one really care anyhow. People just think about themselves. When Diesel died I wasn't thinking about him and what it was like for him.
I was thinking about myself. I can't take anymore everyone around me has their lives sorted anyhow I'm just a burden on the world!
I'm sorry I just can't take anymore!!