Sunday, 31 July 2011

and thats when it blew up in my face...

and there we have it another failed relationship!
What can I say I just I feel like.. ok how to I put this without sounding like a total bitch?
...I am a total bitch so fuck it. You know like when people have an okish job and a flat or whatever and they're say in their early 20s and they plan to have a child with their "long term boyfriend"/ fiance! Well I always feel like there's got to be more to life than just having an Okish job and a bunch of kids. Well thats kind of how I feel with guys. I just feel like there's got to be more to men than what there is.
So your wondering why me and Beau broke up? I'll tel you why ...
I haven't met anyone as big as a wind up merchant as Beau since I left school. He drove me mad. It just was like this constant obsession to see how far he could push me before I either cried, wanted to kill him or hit the bottle. Not exactly a great start to a healthy relationship.
It wasn't just that I guess I felt like he was completly incapable of being sensitve towards my feelings. Using what I'd told him against me. (Yes OK so maybe I shouldn't tell guys everything so quickly but thats no exscuse). For example going on and on about how many people I'd slept with like it was some sort of crazy fixation or something past is past. Let it go. His paranoia that I was going to cheat on him (OK so in the past I may have cheated but 1st time I was 16 hello and 2nd time was Chris so need I say any more). Oh and he was always on at me for supposedly looking at girls...
He used me once upon a time being a hooker against me, which actually is none of his damn business and no one has a right to judge me!
When I started getting really bad anxiety about my ex Diesel who killed himself instead of trying to be understanding he just kept telling me to snap out of it!
I really can't be bothered to go on. You get the jist of it..
Any how I left the hotel at 5.30am and sat in Mac Donalds till 8am when the bus came to take me back to Brighton. He did offer to let me stay until the 1st bus came after he'd pushed me well over my limit, by this point I was so frustrated, pissed off and bitter the idea of spending another minute with him felt like torture and for all of you know me and know how much I despise Mac Donalds must understand how bad it would have been for me to chose sitting in there for 2.5 hours as oppossed to spend another minute with him.
So am I sad? To be honest I'm kind of relieved he wasn't making me happy, I certainly wasn't making him happy and all we did was argue!
Thinking about becoming a swinger. Getting a vagazzle, can't wait for me celabacy to be over! I think I got about 6 more weeks! Thank fuck!
Any how I'm exauasted so should proabablly go, a night of sex in the city tonight me thinks...

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