I'm sorry I'm so lame with updating these days, it's hard to get access to a computer these days. Can you believe I'm actually in an internet cafe. 70p for half hour that's pretty good.
So lets see whats going on in the life of princess Elle..............
Well I'm in a bit of a predicament at the moment because I'm still in love with Luke which I'm beginning to think I should really get over!
I haven't had sex in 2 weeks and one day. Well is that a good thing or a bad thing? I guess it depends on which way you look at it!
I met this guy Danny, who is a total prick (although I did meet him in oceana so that sort of explains it). Any how I don't think they get much more arrogant than Danny. He even got his fucking arse out. Please tell me am I missing something why do guys do this? It's like I don't go round getting my arse out (although some how I recon guys would some how not complain if woman did that). Any how he clearly loved himself and wanted to get into my knickers (which it pained me to decline NOT)!! Any how so now he's got a bruised ego and fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk my times running out.
OK fuck it. This will be continued promise....
Love love love
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sorry a bout that ladies and gents, I'm now at Paulies with Emz and Mike and I've temporarily taken over the computer so that I can update you all my lovely followers. So any how I got rid of Danny cuz he was a complete waste of time so got rid of him. Then his mate Marco who had been chatting up the lovely Emma all night decided to try and get with me after wards. well let me tell you about Marco he's been to prison twice and as much as I think he's quite sweet. I think there's something going on there especially when I saw him in Town with another blond girl yesterday so fuck him.
I met Mike and Paulie at the bus stop last Friday night and so here we are at Paulie's flat.
I'm still in love with Luke but I think I need to accept that it's over so maybe moving on is now a good idea.
Any how i am aware that I am being completely rude so I should probably go and see where the night takes us....
Lots of love my secret followers xxxxxxx
Friday, 25 March 2011
Sunday, 13 March 2011
Feeling like death
So here it is day 2 of being "dumped", I hate that word but which ever way you look at it or how ever you say it, it still means the say thing so why try and sugar coat it.
Part of me feels numb, part of me feels angry and I don't know whether I want to scream or cry, but I know I am so fucking fed up with crying I just don't want to think any more.
It's a shame there isn't a degree in falling for MR Wrong really cuz if there was I'd be guarenteed to get 110%.
Part of me just wants to go and sleep with some one else to get L%*e out of my head. I think that is probabally a possability of getting over him, or maybe just go on the pull big time and meet someone else and then I can just forget all a bout him.
It's fucked up that I want to call him, yet I know it'll just make the whole thing worse in the long run! Even though it's tough, and it is really tough, I've deleted all the texts I had from him, deleted his number from my phone and call register. I've changed my profile picture on fb too. It's too painful to be a round things.
I haven't quite brought myself to delete his voicemails yet, and I will because I know it won't help to keep listening to them but I'm not ready to do that just yet, I'm not ready to destroy all the evidence of the relationship we had together. I will in time because it hurts and it'll make it worse.
I feel like a twat for planning so much together. We lasted just over a month. Whats wrong with me why do I have to keep dating shits!? I've been dating since I was 14 that's 8 years of dating shit men, I'm exausted when is it going to stop!?
Maybe it's really time to take a good long break from men for a while. All they ever end up doing in the end is making you feel shitty any how so whats the point!?
Any how I can't write any more cuz I think I might be going schitzos
Love to you all. My fabulous followers!!
xxx
Part of me feels numb, part of me feels angry and I don't know whether I want to scream or cry, but I know I am so fucking fed up with crying I just don't want to think any more.
It's a shame there isn't a degree in falling for MR Wrong really cuz if there was I'd be guarenteed to get 110%.
Part of me just wants to go and sleep with some one else to get L%*e out of my head. I think that is probabally a possability of getting over him, or maybe just go on the pull big time and meet someone else and then I can just forget all a bout him.
It's fucked up that I want to call him, yet I know it'll just make the whole thing worse in the long run! Even though it's tough, and it is really tough, I've deleted all the texts I had from him, deleted his number from my phone and call register. I've changed my profile picture on fb too. It's too painful to be a round things.
I haven't quite brought myself to delete his voicemails yet, and I will because I know it won't help to keep listening to them but I'm not ready to do that just yet, I'm not ready to destroy all the evidence of the relationship we had together. I will in time because it hurts and it'll make it worse.
I feel like a twat for planning so much together. We lasted just over a month. Whats wrong with me why do I have to keep dating shits!? I've been dating since I was 14 that's 8 years of dating shit men, I'm exausted when is it going to stop!?
Maybe it's really time to take a good long break from men for a while. All they ever end up doing in the end is making you feel shitty any how so whats the point!?
Any how I can't write any more cuz I think I might be going schitzos
Love to you all. My fabulous followers!!
xxx
Saturday, 12 March 2011
Lovin' turns to leavin' everytime
Well at least I'm the one that goes round saying that all the time and now it has!
Yes me and the guy that I thought I could potentially marry and have babies with broke up with me today!
How do I feel? Utter shit, still really raw too but I guess it is sinking in a little bit more each hour, however doesn't mean it hurts any less! I've cried for what feels like a million years and yet I still feel like there's more to come. I'll wait till I'm in bed though before I cry again.
I wanted everything to be so fucking fabulous and I tried my best I really did, I tried so hard to be a good girlfriend. I didn't even look at other guys when me and Luke was together that's how comitted I was, but fuck it, committment means fuck all these days!
Am I angry and bitter? Well a little I suppose but mainly just heart broken. I wish the pain would stop but it isn't and even though it's hard to think like this right now it's just like the song by Girls alloud goes; "My heart is broken and bleeding, but it's beating". That's what I got to remember and like I always say OK right now I'll probabally go on my usual "I hate all men" and all men are "wankers" phase like I always do after a break up and then slowly second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, week by week, month by month, I'll heal and I'll meet someone and this failed relationship will just be a distant memory just like all the rest.
It feels pretty hopeless at the moment but as they say time is a healer!
I won't ever rule out that I won't love again. cuz I'd rather fall than never to have loved at all! I've got a lot of love to give and I like to think I'm a loving person and that I've got a lot to give, whether that is peoples opinions on me or not.
On the plus side I did get a cool new hat, and gloves from L@%e in Camden Market!
Any how Sorry if this post is depressing, just trying to be honest.
Love to you all!!
xxx
Yes me and the guy that I thought I could potentially marry and have babies with broke up with me today!
How do I feel? Utter shit, still really raw too but I guess it is sinking in a little bit more each hour, however doesn't mean it hurts any less! I've cried for what feels like a million years and yet I still feel like there's more to come. I'll wait till I'm in bed though before I cry again.
I wanted everything to be so fucking fabulous and I tried my best I really did, I tried so hard to be a good girlfriend. I didn't even look at other guys when me and Luke was together that's how comitted I was, but fuck it, committment means fuck all these days!
Am I angry and bitter? Well a little I suppose but mainly just heart broken. I wish the pain would stop but it isn't and even though it's hard to think like this right now it's just like the song by Girls alloud goes; "My heart is broken and bleeding, but it's beating". That's what I got to remember and like I always say OK right now I'll probabally go on my usual "I hate all men" and all men are "wankers" phase like I always do after a break up and then slowly second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, week by week, month by month, I'll heal and I'll meet someone and this failed relationship will just be a distant memory just like all the rest.
It feels pretty hopeless at the moment but as they say time is a healer!
I won't ever rule out that I won't love again. cuz I'd rather fall than never to have loved at all! I've got a lot of love to give and I like to think I'm a loving person and that I've got a lot to give, whether that is peoples opinions on me or not.
On the plus side I did get a cool new hat, and gloves from L@%e in Camden Market!
Any how Sorry if this post is depressing, just trying to be honest.
Love to you all!!
xxx
Saturday, 26 February 2011
Time to celebrate, fuck me why am I so God damn tired!!
So here it is Saturday 26th my big night out to celebrate my 22nd birthday in style! I am so God damn fucking tired though, I think maybe I'm beginning to feel a bit over whelmed! I'm not sure if it's the fact that I'm turning 22 Monday and I'm so scared of continuing to get older and still have absolutely no direction or if the fact that there's going to be a lot of people out tonight and I'm getting a bit nervous which is even more mad!
Jesus Christ I miss Luke, I know that it's OK to miss Luke, and found out recently that one of my ex's Diesel killed himself recently and I'm feeling depressed because of that and it's like I think I just feel all nervous and panicky and I hate feeling like this!
I can't even write I feel too head clogged today! Write again soon!
xx
Wednesday, 16 February 2011
I am a disgrace to myself
I am extremly sorry I have been out of business for a while. Do not fear I have not forgotton all you loyal followers.
So it's been a very long time since I wrote so your probabally wondering what I have been up to????
Well I'm afraid to say I'm still a bum, but now I'm a bum with a boyfriend ;-) No more twat faces like Chris.
Luke is far from a twat face, he is amazing and I think I love him....
Correction I do love him, he's so sweet, there's no complications (exception of the fact that he lives in London and I live here in good old sunny Brighton) I know where I stand with him and I ain't worried he's a bout to cheat on me with another bird. Partly cuz he's a full time single dad and is at college 3 days a week and doesn't exactly have time to go and meet other ladies and partly because he's besoted by me, (and hey who wouldn't be afterall I am amazing ;-) ;-) nudge nudge).
I have recently decided I am going to go to India for a month, have no idea how I will fund it yet or when I will go but I've made up me mind I'm determind to do it. Lifes for living and after all the shit of last year it's a bout time I started living mine!
I'm lost for words (now that's a 1st). I need to update reguarly cuz I forget what's happened over the last couple months.
I've applied to do a course in Beauty Therapy too in September, even though Luke keeps telling me I'm too smart for that and I should become a doctor (which is mad).
Ohhh just finished reading "Eat, pray, love" amazing book, I do reccomend to any lady (and any man who isn't affraid of his femmine side ;-)).
Now started reading "Belle De Jour" which is also fabulous of what I've read so far!
Any how that's all for now.
Peace out and love, love, love
xX MWAH Xx
So it's been a very long time since I wrote so your probabally wondering what I have been up to????
Well I'm afraid to say I'm still a bum, but now I'm a bum with a boyfriend ;-) No more twat faces like Chris.
Luke is far from a twat face, he is amazing and I think I love him....
Correction I do love him, he's so sweet, there's no complications (exception of the fact that he lives in London and I live here in good old sunny Brighton) I know where I stand with him and I ain't worried he's a bout to cheat on me with another bird. Partly cuz he's a full time single dad and is at college 3 days a week and doesn't exactly have time to go and meet other ladies and partly because he's besoted by me, (and hey who wouldn't be afterall I am amazing ;-) ;-) nudge nudge).
I have recently decided I am going to go to India for a month, have no idea how I will fund it yet or when I will go but I've made up me mind I'm determind to do it. Lifes for living and after all the shit of last year it's a bout time I started living mine!
I'm lost for words (now that's a 1st). I need to update reguarly cuz I forget what's happened over the last couple months.
I've applied to do a course in Beauty Therapy too in September, even though Luke keeps telling me I'm too smart for that and I should become a doctor (which is mad).
Ohhh just finished reading "Eat, pray, love" amazing book, I do reccomend to any lady (and any man who isn't affraid of his femmine side ;-)).
Now started reading "Belle De Jour" which is also fabulous of what I've read so far!
Any how that's all for now.
Peace out and love, love, love
xX MWAH Xx
Sunday, 9 January 2011
Je detest le Sunday
Or however the fuck you say it in French!
I'm feeling really tired and negative today and I hate feeling like that. Stuck in a ruck.
I'm over Jax- obviously seeing as my laptop has decided to give up on life altogether, I'm starting to feel like I might follow in it's foot steps :(. (Don't worry I'm not a bout to have another suicide attempt the absolutely crazy Elle has gone. Left her behind along with all the shit from 2010).
I just really need to sort a few things out and I think like once I start doing some volunteer work or courses then maybe I won't feel so low! I know that deep down it's because I'm desperate for a guy but I'm not a bout to jeprodise my hopeful looking future for another good for nothing prick!
Whats the point I know what I'm looking for and I do believe in fate, and soul mates and I know for a fact I'm not a bout to bump into my dream man in a bar or a club.
He may not even be English, English men have such little passion, and it's all a bout drugs and drink and stupid football. Well I hate football with a passion! So that's that.
I want to be with someone that's different and maybe he makes a difference to the world or something. I don't know but what I do know is that I'm not a bout to settle for 2nd best and I don' t care what people say, I refuse to go out with any more twats until I find my soul mate, whats the point, I've dated and slept with more than enough men!
However hard it may be (especially being surrounded by lo-vie do-vie couples everywhere I go),
I'm not going to just date anymore for the sake of having a man in my life and not being alone!
I'd rather be lonely and single than be with someone that 80% of the time does my nut so that's that!
Blurgh I'm fed up!
Peace out my followers!
xxxx
I'm feeling really tired and negative today and I hate feeling like that. Stuck in a ruck.
I'm over Jax- obviously seeing as my laptop has decided to give up on life altogether, I'm starting to feel like I might follow in it's foot steps :(. (Don't worry I'm not a bout to have another suicide attempt the absolutely crazy Elle has gone. Left her behind along with all the shit from 2010).
I just really need to sort a few things out and I think like once I start doing some volunteer work or courses then maybe I won't feel so low! I know that deep down it's because I'm desperate for a guy but I'm not a bout to jeprodise my hopeful looking future for another good for nothing prick!
Whats the point I know what I'm looking for and I do believe in fate, and soul mates and I know for a fact I'm not a bout to bump into my dream man in a bar or a club.
He may not even be English, English men have such little passion, and it's all a bout drugs and drink and stupid football. Well I hate football with a passion! So that's that.
I want to be with someone that's different and maybe he makes a difference to the world or something. I don't know but what I do know is that I'm not a bout to settle for 2nd best and I don' t care what people say, I refuse to go out with any more twats until I find my soul mate, whats the point, I've dated and slept with more than enough men!
However hard it may be (especially being surrounded by lo-vie do-vie couples everywhere I go),
I'm not going to just date anymore for the sake of having a man in my life and not being alone!
I'd rather be lonely and single than be with someone that 80% of the time does my nut so that's that!
Blurgh I'm fed up!
Peace out my followers!
xxxx
Friday, 7 January 2011
Mood= Moody!
God I'm beginning to feel shit today, not sure if it's cuz every one around seems to be getting sex and I'm not even allowed to indulge in self pleasure at the moment. I've only got 10 days left but it's just starting to do my head in now. Not because I'm not allowed to have sex, I'm not even interested in that at the moment. I don't even know if I can be bothered to go on a date, unless I actually thought they had a brain and aren't only interested in shagging me and getting off their face on booze and drugs!!!
Why can't it be more straight forward I do want my recovery badly, but I did get a bit annoyed today cuz me sponsor wants me to start going to AA meetings again and I don't want to, I've agreed to go to one on Tuesday to get the 12 and 12 book, but the idea of going back to AA brings dread over me. AA is not good for me, I only end up going in there in the end to check out guys and I know that from the very last meeting I did, Towards the end before I stopped going I was only going to check out guys and when I'm trying to recover as a sex and love addict I know it'll end with me slipping. Not to mention I really don't want to see Wayne and if I start going to AA meetings again I know I'll bump into him sooner or later.
Need a fag will continue later ....
Right been watching the soaps got a little distracted!
I'm not particularly happy that the bank are sending me hate mail through the post either God damn it, I wish they would just fuck off and die!
I want Tom to come back from Oz and to ring me and confess his undying love for me, like that'll ever happen!
God damn it I'm annoyed I'm going!
I know I have been slack with updating, I'll try and update more regularly!
Peace out!
xx
Why can't it be more straight forward I do want my recovery badly, but I did get a bit annoyed today cuz me sponsor wants me to start going to AA meetings again and I don't want to, I've agreed to go to one on Tuesday to get the 12 and 12 book, but the idea of going back to AA brings dread over me. AA is not good for me, I only end up going in there in the end to check out guys and I know that from the very last meeting I did, Towards the end before I stopped going I was only going to check out guys and when I'm trying to recover as a sex and love addict I know it'll end with me slipping. Not to mention I really don't want to see Wayne and if I start going to AA meetings again I know I'll bump into him sooner or later.
Need a fag will continue later ....
Right been watching the soaps got a little distracted!
I'm not particularly happy that the bank are sending me hate mail through the post either God damn it, I wish they would just fuck off and die!
I want Tom to come back from Oz and to ring me and confess his undying love for me, like that'll ever happen!
God damn it I'm annoyed I'm going!
I know I have been slack with updating, I'll try and update more regularly!
Peace out!
xx
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