Oh the dramas of a sunday in the heat...

What a fucking day.
I went to see my nan in the morning and haliluia she can hear again I didn't need to shout for her to actually hear me.
Went to Town to pick up Callum- my little monster, and what a day we had...
I won't go into the details of what we did all day the usual going to Tescos playing Jean's garden whilst he ate her out of house and home, what a nightmare.
Any how so it gets later and we go to meet Jax and Nick down the beach to go back to hers for dinner and a movie, that's when the drama begun. He was scooting along down the beach, and then she changes her mind and we go up to the peir instead to meet her.
Any how we get right close to the pier and a poor lady and man fell off their bikes. The lady was ok but the guy wasn't so I went to ring an ambulance and then he didn't want one and was on my phone and I turned around to see that Callum was gone.
I walked up the pier expecting him to be waiting for me, but he wasn't there, immediatly I begun to panic. I rung jax straight away and she started panicing and by the time I met her she was in tears and histerical.
Nick rung the police to report what had happened and they came within a matter of minutes thank God and there was a bout 10, maybe 15 police men looking for him on the pier and along the street.
I was sitting in the police van with her shaking and feeling so awful, I couldn't believe I'd lost my amazing 2 year old nephew. I was so scared I could hardly breath.
To my relief they found him and he had just scooted along all the way to the Odean, which is quite far and lukily some ladies realised he wasn't with anyone and they asked him where his mummy was and the police found him and I was so relieved. I can't explain it. Bless him, Callum didn't even know he was lost, he just thought it was a big adventure!
I don't think I'd shaked so much in my life.
Too much drama for one day.

Yet another shitty thursday...

It's actually Friday now if I was to be accurate cuz it's already past midnight.
I'm up Jacqui's house and she's being a moody cow so decided to be a marter and sleep on the sofa, it's all an exscuse to come on here really and write my blog, but I wasn't going to tell her that.
So I haven't checked in for a while, I really need to get a fucking lap top it's like suicide coming round here or going up mums to actually do something.
Right now I feel like I've hit beyond rock bottom only there's no fucking rope to help me back up and part of me just feels like I want to die, I just sit around at home with my debts floating round my head getting bigger and bigger each day and thinking maybe it would just be better if I died, I feel like my life is going to go absolutly fucking no where.
Tried talkig to mum, but she just doesn't get it, no one does any more and I just kind of get this feeling that every ones patience is running out and I'm just going to die a misurable cow.
swear I think too much.
Can I scream yet? Or would it be better to cry?
It has now been over a week since I've been completly single and I just don't know how long I can do it for, it's so fucking shit being alone and feeling alone. May I just say if one more fucking person moans a bout their relationship with a man/woman I may actually have to kill them... Maybe I'm being insensitive, but all I want is to be in love and when people around me are moaning a bout being in love, I just feel like saying "TRY LIVING MY LIFE"!!!
So I thought I may be pregnant, I had all the signs, I felt sick all the time, dizzy and just in general felt pregnant, anyhow turns out I'm not, part of me feels disapointed, but I guess there's a part of me that feels relieved cuz I don't just want a baby with any old prick. I.E Greggo Weggo, Wayne the pain and certainly not Ash the trash.
Speaking of who, I saw him yesterday.... Wednesday, he went into corals the betting shop and so I did the mature thing and went in to say hi, after all I'm always going to bump into ghosts from the past may as well just fucking aknowlege them, otherwise I'll spend my whole life running away and I can't be arsed with the hassel...
Alternativly I could just run away and right now that's not looking like such a bad idea.
Fuck it I can't even get my fags cuz they're up stairs and I'm being stubborn, damn it and my phone fuck sake.
Notes to myself next time I strop off make sure fags, Lighter and phone are always with me!!
Any how enough for tonight I shall try and inform you again sooner rather later in the new dramas in my life.
Good night
x

Fucking wednesday's

Yes it is necessery to name it that cuz I'm in a fowl mood (I know you may be thinking, well nothing changes there). However it is particularly shit. I went to see Sex in the City 2 at the cinema yesterday, alone. How shit is that I am officially Billy no mates and that is not cool!!
However the film was fabulous even if I did come out feeling slightly more depressed on the way out as I did on the way in.
I went up to shitty job centre today to sign on for my measly £51 a week to make up for being UN FUCKING EMPLOYED bollox to the goverment, they all suck big time any how.
I successfully signed up to the doctors so finally I can be diagnosed wit hbi-polar and not be having nervous break downs every fucking week.
Then mistakenly I'm here... Here being mothers house. Unfortunatly since my lap top decided it was going to start smoking and died of lung cancer I'm having to jump between mothers and Jacqui's computers which is very inconvienient if your trying to write a full time blog.
As soon as I walked in the front door I had Becca shouting at me for not paying Jacqui her £30 that I owe her back. Even though I did actually explain to her the money will take 10 FUCKING DAYS TO GO BACK INTO MY ACCOUNT- HELLO IF SHE JUST LISTENED MAYBE SHE WOULDN'T BE STRESSING A BOUT IT!!! GURRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!
Now that rants over!
Looking for jobs on the internet is boring shit, Surley there is a better, more productive and fun way to look for jobs???
Now do I not only need phyciatric help and money help I need a new fucking life anyone fancy switching???
I got to thinking a bout men earlier and how shit they are and I think for the first time ever I'm completly single. I'm not in love with anyone, I'm not seeing any one, I'm not going on dates, I'm not even talking to anyone on the phone anymore and I find myself questioning have men always been this shit??
If so then how can anyone ever get married, it's hard enough to drag a man away from a tele or computer game these days, let a lone drag them down the isle. I cannot believe it has come to this. It's like staring out the bus window earlier I see cute guys that have potential a bout them, it's just such a shame that when they open their mouths its full of shit. Maybe the old saying "Woman should been seen but not heard" should be changed to "Men should be seen not heard". Thats far more appropriate.
I saw my first "bendy" bus today oh the excitment. It really is bullshit. All this crap technolagy that I can assure you does not benifit youer sex life or your relationship for that matter and they haven't even invented things that actually could benifit the human race, like nose warmers and heated hats and something that changes babies nappy. I mean I put it to you all this fucking technolagy but who does it really benefit????

A dull friday morning...

Well well well, I'm sorry I haven't written for a while its litrally been one thing after another since I last wrote!
So the reason it's been so bloody long is because my lap top decided it wanted to follow me in the dying of lung cancer bit and started smoking, and that definitly isn't a good thing. So took up to the fucking lap top place which I hate for them to tell me it'll cost a bout £200 and that of course leaves me fuming!! Any how I don't really want to talk a bout that cuz I may cry!!

So I'll take it back to Amy's 21st birthday. I got my party geer on and me hair extentions and I was thinking oh yeah look at me I'm the fucking bees knees (as always on a night out).
I'd already fucked my knee up from falling over in the rain at work, fuckers. Nothing would ever stop me wearing heels though never!!
Any how by the time I got to Town I was pretty angry and then after going to the cash point with Emma the stupid bouncer said we had to cue and I was like hello our mates booked a table. Any how she went on a bout some crap a bout only having it for an hour. So we qued and qued and then there was another bouncer (who I have to admit was quite cute). Any how I was like can we not just go in, we're missing our best mates 21st and so he looked up the name and was like ok and I go that fat bouncer wouldn't let us in.
I didn't mean to say it, it just popped out. Any how so then I got banned from bloody pitcher and Piano. Fucking hell I had to sit outside for half a bloody hour, and in the time I was stuck outside I managed to loose my packet of 20 cigerettes which id just bought and a fiva, and my hair extensions got fucked up a bout 3 times.
Any how when Amy and co came out we had a drink in fish bowl and then headed down the club. So I shook my arse big time to the 80's cheese, fucking love it.
Bumped into that guy the one I call "Roger", turns out he's called Tom.
Fucking idiot I was close to hitting him. He told me I'd never get a boyfriend cuz I'm too opionated well he can go fuck himself cuz I never really liked him any how.
Had a heart to heart with Charlie (Amy's cousin) that night.
It was a good night though, it was nice to just dance and to be around people that I love, despite having a sore knee, losing money, fags and my lap top deciding to start smoking.

missing the innocence....

Well I'm feeling tired tonight and there isn't any drama which makes a change. However I'm feeling sad tonight, I'm feeling a lone lying in an empty bed with no one sleeping next to me and no one waking up next to me and I sometimes wish I could just be an innocent child again and not having the think a bout relationships with men.
It all just seems to get so complicated. Men are so complicated and sometimes I just feel so frustrated. I'm constantly bumping into ghosts from the past (Aka Ex boyfriends/dates/shags). It doesn't seem to matter where I go it's like I can't get away from my past, I guess I should listen to Sex in the City "Your 20's are for making the mistakes, your 30's are for learning the mistakes and you 40's are for buying the drinks".
Maybe I'm just attempting to grow up so fast, but I don't thinks me ab normal to want a healthy relationship with a man! Will I Ever find Mr Right!!!????...............

Today, today, Wednesday 19th I believe!!

So a brief outline of moi, I'm 21, I have straight, just past shoulder length blond hair, brown eyes and massive tits, I'm a true Brightonian born a bred, I fucking love it!!!
I have 2 amazing sisters and a legend mother, who I fear I may be turning into, when I said to my sis, my cousin and mate that we must go to another pub as the live musics too loud and I can't hear myself think... Which actually maybe is a good thing cuz when I think that's when things begin to get messy and my self diagnosed bi polar kicks in big time!!


So that's a brief outline of me.
Can't believe in a couple of weeks we will officially be half way through the year and once again I've been through more men that I can count on one hand, in fact two hands, actually so many I can't even remember half their fucking names deary me!! (Just so you know when I say been through men, it does not mean I've slept with them, I don't just jump into bed with every Tom, Dick or Harry)!
Any how so finally got two days off work whey result!! I swear my feet are still killing though. Currently working as a barmaid, one of my many jobs.
So being a day off didn't wake up till 1pm and know I'm not lazy I just like sleep, now there's nothing wrong with needing my beauty sleep!
Anyhow went up to see my 93 year old nan who is just the most amazing and funniest nan in the world. Not to mention the best for always buying me chocolate bless her!
Any way less of the boring stuff... saw my 1st ex of the day in Tesco's damn him for being hot, he works there and so does his now "fiance"! Any how whatever.
Oh jesus not to mention the fact that I bumped into James, sorry Becca (my big sis) Jim although I hate that name so I'm still calling him James whether he likes it or not!
Ha ha now how would I describe James??
a big mistake... hm then again I'd say that a bout the majority of men I've been with, James... Well he definitely wasn't my boyfriend and the only date we went on consisted of his bed and condoms, so yes James was a "fuck buddy" such a lovely way of putting it these days, but I don't think you could call it anything else cuz we certainly didn't make love.
He was good for going down on me though, giving my orgasms that made me scream the whole fucking house down so I guess he did have his uses, not to mention paying for my taxis "sucker"... now I sound like a prostitute, fuck it what do I care I already said he was a big mistake.
Any how apart from getting side track I saw him which is why I just went on a massive rant a bout the whole thing!!
Any how back to the evening went to meet Becca (big sis), Oliver (big cousin) and Nick (good family mate).
it was good to meet up and hang out although there was no one worth chatting up tonight which was a bit rubbish, although I am sort of off men at the moment, hey at least that's what I keep telling myself one day I might actually believe it!
Tell you what did make me laugh though, there was this fat guy come in to the seven stars, he had dreads and he just looked hilarious I couldn't help but laugh.
No dramas tonight, which makes a change.
Decided to walk home after the pub in my 3 inch high heeled sexy boots, maybe not the best thing for sore feet but I did, sort of regretting it now however.
Walked past one of those disgusting kebab shops which I would never be seen dead in. There were 2 of the guys working there having a ciggie outside and I swear like every time I walk past on of those places the men start watering at the mouth its like hello have you never seen a woman before, its fucking disgusting they're like mongrels or something.
Man I wish I'd bought some chocolate, I'm having cravings now!!
Fuck its already 1.30am I'm so Hungary God damn it.
Any how I'm going to go and men wise myself up by watching the Sex in The City movie for the 3rd time this week.
Good morning, good afternoon, good night .............