Tuesday, 2 November 2010


By the title, for any stupid people I'm being irronic!
I am fed fucking up with people and their perfect fucking lives!
I am fed fucking up with people constantly judging me they can all just FUCK OFF!!
I don't actually mean that, I'm just so fucking mad right now!
I'm fucking furious with myself for constantly taking Chris back and for him to just let me down over and over a fucking gain, I don't even want him for fuck sake the only fucking reason I stay with him is cuz I don't want any one else to fucking have him, not that any one else would want him anyhow.
It's so hard for me to just walk the fuck away and I know that I have to.
I know nothings going to change and I don't fucking want it!
Sure when he's sober and we're alone he's sweet and it's great but I'm not going to fucking live for those fucking rare occasions. He's never going to fucking change and I'm done with it, I'm fucking exausted!
Ian wrote to me from prison yesterday, it's fucked up, I've been so besoted with Chris I forgot a bout Ian!
I just want to get the fuck away from all this, I want my fucking life back!
I'm fed up with everyone around me having fucking happy loved up relationships, it makes me feel physically sick when people walk a round all fucking smug, just FUCK OFF!

I'm fed fucking up with the amount of fucking questions people keep asking me, I don't want to answer any more fucking questions I just want to get fucking better!

Had a fight with Becca a bout her stupid hair straighters today, God I so wanted to get up and scream in her fucking face the way she just picks at every little thing. You know sometimes I think that I may be going mad. Today though I just felt angry and disgusted, shouting at me 1st thing in the morning for using her straightners without asking and then standing over me shouting at me, I swear sometimes I just wonder what goes round in her fucking head, I'm so close to the fucking edge and the more stressed I get the closer to the edge I get and funnily enough someone screaming at me for using their hairstraighners just makes me think fucking hell FUCK OFF!
Can't deal with this shit no more, not everyones living in a fucking loved up bubble like her and Ian, I know we'll never be the same but after all the shit I've been through I think to myself either she's just in denial or fucked up.
Well I ain't coming up mums no more cuz she stresses me out to the limit!
I'll have to find somewhere else to stay till I move to Newhaven.
My head is spinning and I feel like I need to do something dangourous to feel a live again!
I feel like I'm a dead person walking around waiting for someone to kill me!
When will I begin to feel fucking better again, when will I begin to feel alive again!
Peace out
love love love

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