Monday, 6 June 2011

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone...

Well not completly sure a bout that it's probabally going to start again soon. But hey what the hell do I give a fuck I'm sitting in my pj bottoms, strappy top, pink hoody, mums dressing gown, slippers and my hot pink pashmina wrapped around my head!
Yes I am aware that it's half past five in the afternoon. Then again if you'd had your wisdom tooth yanked out of your mouth a few hours ago you probabally wouldn't feel like going out either. I am severe agony and to make it all worse (as if that isn't bad enough), I am not allowed to smoke for a whole fucking week its been 5 hours so far and I'm virtually pulling my hair out!
Oh not to mention I can't even feed off my addiction of chocolate to cover the fact that I can't smoke because I can't open my fucking mouth!
Oh and of course the fact that I am homeless in 8 fucking days really is the fucking icing on top of the cake!
So even with the fact that all those things are stressful to the limit I've been doing some thinking (I know right I am extremly multi talented to have to cope with all that shit and still have the paients and abilty to think). I'm just too damn clever for my own good sometimes ;-).
So you want to know what I was thinking?
Tough you don't get a choice I'm going to tell you anyhow.
I was thinking firstly I want to join a singing/ dancing/ acting group so I can be on stage again, I need to start boosting my confidence in a healthy way.
Then I got to thinking about people (oh yes I love, love, love to phyco analyse). I started thinking about all the people that have given me shit and treated me like I'm dirt and spoke to me (or even better behind my fucking back YES I WILL FUCKING FIND OUT TWATS) like I'm the size of an ant and then I started to think about all the people that have ever treated me like that and thinking do I honestly give a flying fuck about what silly little girls and boys think of me really? The answer is no of course not and in my own fucking right, I'm going somewhere in life the only places people like that are going is 6 feet under so for all them people I'd like to say byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. I'm not going to let people like that even fucking make my eyes flicker NOT EVEN WORTH MY BREATH!
Any how enough of that I got to thinking about men, and yes at work yesterday there was this extremley gawjuss guy who was wearing army uniform with my favourite name too (Ben for those of you who didn't know). Didn't ask for his number, I think there was a little bit of cheeky flirting going on there though, on his behalf of course, not mine, would I do a thing like that?? LOL!!
Went to meet the gawjuss Emma for a quiet drink saturday night too and we wasn't out for hours I just wanted to see her and she kept saying that there was guys checking me out and a couple guys sort of come talk to us but I honestly wasn't interested like after Terry and all the other fuck wits i've shamelessly slept with I just thought whats the fucking point.
Like when I'm on my own I'm where I want to be, I can do what I want to do. As soon as I sleep with a guy and then start seeing him, it changes everything so fuck em, I'm all about me and my mates from now on having a laugh and doing the things that I planned to do.
After Chris should never have considered dating/sleeping with a man for at least a year. Hey ho we only humans!
Not even sure why I was so hung up on Terry in the 1st place he can't even spell his own name, maybe cuz I didn't want anyone else to have him but honestly if he wants to go out with a woman in her 50s then whatever no skin off my nose. (or I think the other alternative was with some girl that never leaves the house and crys all the time). Jesus if thats what marriage does to you then I think I'll pass!
Ohhhh I'm going to get a boob job too, a little treat to myself me thinkies, I'm too hard on myself!
Fuck it my minds gone blank! I believe this is what they call writters block!
Well I'm here till bleeding thursday and acception of going to the counsil with mother tomo I have no plans to leave the house so I'll have plenty of time to update you with my mela dramaz.

Peace out and
love love love

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